(Hi, there! Welcome to Day 4 of the Social Media, Behave! Series with Laura Booz from 10 Million Miles. Catch up on Day 1, Day 2, and Day 3. I’m so glad you’re here.)

You know the scenario:

The teenager argues, “But everyone else is doing it!”

And the parents reply, “I don’t care. We are not everyone else.”

In the best situation, the parents don’t budge and the teenager is spared. In the worst case, the parents cave and the teenager suffers.

When it comes to Social Media, we are both the teenagers and the parents. I often find myself tempted to join the next big thing just because everyone else is doing it. I want to keep current, I want to be in with the girls, and I want to be successful. First it was email. Then blogging. Then YouTube. Then affiliates. Then twitter. Then facebook. And now it’s pinterest and Google+. Just you wait: tomorrow there will be more. Sometimes it feels like I don’t even have a choice: as everyone else embraces each networking tool, I feel like I have to join them in order to achieve my goals.  So I join in. And I become one more person making you feel like you have to join in… And we all feed the giant together and no one knows how to stop.

This is a huge problem affecting all of us. We need a solution, fast! I’ve thought long and hard about this dilemma and have discovered that there is a solution.

Are you ready for it?

Here it is: just don’t do it.

I know. You didn’t want to hear that. I didn’t either. It’s a terrible solution. I hate that it’s entirely my choice and my risk. (Can’t we organize a universal handshake through which everyone agrees together to stop the train?! Or, can’t we make these brilliant people stop making Social Media platforms? Can’t we enforce some kind of law or something?) It would be nice, but, as far as I can figure, there is only one real escape from the vortex: it’s little old me, deciding to say “no” because I’m not everyone else.

So, don’t do it.

Don’t do “the next big thing” that will only add stress to your life.  Or quit the applications and communities that are just not the best thing for you. No one can keep up with all of the opportunities online. And smile. And cook dinner. It’s impossible. The truth is, most of us are signed up for one (or five) too many Social Media platforms and we’ve forgotten that we are allowed to say “no”.

Are you participating in a certain platform that stresses you out, feels like an unnecessary obligation, or demands too much of your affection? Do you feel like you don’t have a choice, since you want to get your message out there and be successful to some degree? Then, let me speak directly to your heart: you do have a choice. You are not everyone else.

When the next shiny platform pops up, think long and hard before jumping in. Yes, it’s scintillating and powerful to be in on the newest craze, but is it the best thing for you? It may be. It may not be. You have every right to put the reigns on Social Media and use it when and how is best. Even if the platform seems right up your alley! Even if everyone else is doing it! Even if they are all prospering from it! Look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I am not everyone else.”

It is possible to look back on certain sacrifices without regret.

Just as that teenager will live – and potentially even thrive – without doing what everyone else is doing, so will you and I.

To do: Take a few steps back and re-evaluate each platform you’ve signed up for. Do you like it? Are you handling it well? If yes, then stick around. Do you hate it? (Or like it a little too much?) Are you dropping the ball online or in life? If yes, unsubscribe yourself, girlfriend. After a few days, you won’t miss it.

Then, jot down your thoughts in the comments so that we can cheer you on one way or the other.

Join in! Link-up!

Join us tomorrow for Day 5!

You can learn a whole lot more by downloading Blogger Behave: Make your blog benefit your life so you can love both! You can also subscribe to my blogs: 10 Million Miles (click here to subscribe) and TheHomeschoolBaby.com (click here to subscribe). You can also subscribe to Like a Warm Cup of Coffee by clicking here (or email, here). Happy behaving!

top artwork credit: arikhanson.com

Welcome back to Day 3 of our Social Media, Behave! Series. I’m Laura Booz, the happy recipient of one full week at Like a Warm Cup of Coffee. (And those are my funtastic kiddos up there.) If you’re new, catch up on Day 1 and Day 2. When you have a minute, mine the comments: there’s some mighty fine gold in there.

Today, we’re digging into one of the most important things a human being can do: consider the cost. It’s something we do all day long in both insignificant and profound ways. It’s how we choose one thing over the other: we consider the cost and choose our investment.

Christ said it about following Him: “consider the cost…” He wants His disciples to face the sacrifices up front, and to make our decision based upon the truth. He knows that if we are surprised by the struggles, oppositions, and crosses along the way, we might lose heart and become offended by Him. So throughout Scripture, He is very open about the price of Christianity. There is no “small print” to trick us into blind faith. There’s no wondering, “What’s it going to cost me?” We know the answer: it costs everything. Those of us who are Christians have decided that it’s a deal. So we said, “yes”.

We’d be wise to apply His advice to Social Media. We’d be wise to consider the cost.

Some of the upfront costs for me are:

Every post I write takes my attention away from household needs.

Every email I send takes time away from my family.

Every facebook status I update takes affection not given in person.

Though I believe that Social Media platforms are worth some of my time, attention, and heart, they are not worth all – or even most – of my time, attention, and heart. Even if I am making money with my online work, I must be very discerning about the amount of time I am investing: does it cross the line into costing me more than it is worth? For example, as a “mommy blogger” I must be vigilant about my time online. Though adding one more affiliate link might put twelve bucks in my PayPal account, taking the extra fifteen minutes away from my children is not worth it to me. Every time I want to sign up for a new application or networking platform, I must consider: what will it cost me?

THE ONLINE BUDGET

After many blunders, I’ve finally discovered a way to consider the cost of Social Media and feel peaceful about the time I invest: I keep an online budget. This is very much like a financial budget and lets me know what I can afford to give Social Media. First, I evaluate the hours in my day and all of the things that are worth my attention. If I only have one hour available for online endeavors, so be it. My blog will be a one-hour-a-day blog. It might not pay off the mortgage or catch the eye of thousands of readers, but it’ll be as top-notch as I can make it within that time frame. Then, I divide that hour up into portions so that I can write posts, respond to comments, solicit guest posts, and work on other projects. Depending on the amount of time I have to spend on the computer, I might allow five minutes to catch up on facebook, five minutes to tweet my posts, ten minutes to browse my RSS, and a few minutes to encourage other bloggers. When the online stopwatch buzzes, my time is up.

Similarly, I’ve got to keep a healthy distance from my smart phone. I know it’s a good time to read through some emails if I’m not sneaking a peek. When I want to check in on things at the wrong time, I say, “not this time” to myself, and put the thing away.  Sometimes the sacrifices sting and I wish I had more time to accomplish all of my online dreams, but I’m confident that I will not regret my choices in the long-run. I saw the fruit of these boundaries when I was able to write and publish my first eBook during the first two months of my baby’s life.  A friend asked how I found the time to write – what with a newborn, and homeschooling, and all. The only answer I could think of was, “I had to think fast and type faster. Writer’s block was a luxury I couldn’t afford.” Sometimes a tight schedule is the secret to productivity. To tell you the truth, I’ve found that when I keep healthy parameters on my Social Media time, I have much more to offer.

For a fantastic real-time example of an online budget, check out Joy Forney‘s article, “Time for Blogging” by clicking here. She doesn’t divide her hours down into nitty-gritty details like I do, but she lets us peek into the boundaries she has established for all-things-Social Media. I bet this helps her to consider the cost – to say say “yes” to beneficial opportunities and “no” to everything else.

To do: Consider all of the people, obligations, and opportunities that make up your day. How much time do you have for Social Media? Take that chunk of time and break it down into portions for each type of social media that you enjoy. Using an online stopwatch, try it out for a week. What do you think?

Recommended Resource: Tell Your Time. In this awesome eBook, Amy Andrews teaches us how to establish a budget for everything we do in a day. Her suggestions are very practical and enormously useful.

Join in! Link-up!

See you tomorrow for Day 4!

You can learn a whole lot more by downloading Blogger Behave: Make your blog benefit your life so you can love both! You can also subscribe to my blogs: 10 Million Miles (click here to subscribe) and TheHomeschoolBaby.com (click here to subscribe). You can also subscribe to Like a Warm Cup of Coffee by clicking here (or email, here). Happy behaving!

Hello, there! It’s me again, Laura.

If you’re new to the Social Media, Behave! Series, I’ll bring you up to speed: Sarah Mae is generously letting me use this space to share some thoughts about how to exist online with integrity and without regret. I’ll be here all week. (I’ve got to tell you, Sarah Mae’s blog is fantastic! I feel right at home.) Keep the insightful comments coming and let us know if you wrote a related post. We’re working this out together. If you missed Day 1, you can catch up by clicking here.)

Now, onto Day 2.

When it comes to Social Media, our avatars matter.

Online, we are simply created characters. It’s hard to admit, but it’s true. Everything that I tweet and post comes from me, but it’s not really me. It’s just bits and pieces that compose the avatar, “Laura Booz”. There’s no denying reality: I am not my avatar, and my avatar is not me. (Take a deep breath. It’s going to be okay.) Once we admit that our avatars are just our creations – characters who represent us – we can make some positive decisions about who we are online. There are a couple of important things to remember concerning this “other woman”:

We are in charge; and not the other way around. When my life on this side of the screen needs my attention, I cannot let my avatar boss me around. She does not need to be seen popping around on TweetDeck when my newborn needs some one-on-one time. She does not need to Pin a new collection of holiday decorations when my first grader needs a thoughtful history lesson. She doesn’t even need to commiserate with every sad facebook status when my husband needs to sit by my side and talk about the day.  I always have the power to tell her when, where, and how.

Actually, as a Christian, this is an incredible opportunity. I can decide the identity, mannerisms, and behaviors of the woman who tweets and posts as “Laura Booz” so that she is a light. In doing so, the real Laura Booz is a light because she is using her character to offer insights, instruction, and encouragement to others. So the cool thing is that I can guide her in paths of righteousness, just as my Heavenly Father guides me in those paths. I can apply Biblical wisdom to the on-going creation of “Laura Booz”. Of course, the goal is that all of the choices I make are authentic to the real me – the one typing out the words. Lately, I’ve been taking my avatar to the work bench. Here’s what it looks like for me:

Some things that I’ve been trying to pursue with my avatar…

* promoting my sisters: I’m looking for opportunities to build up other Christian women online. When I see a worthwhile eBook, I want to buy it and rave about it. When I see a meaningful tweet, I want to retweet it.  Joy Forney has written a beautiful series of posts about an online sisterhood. I believe we will protect one another’s time and affection when we genuinely hold each other up and cheer each other on. Joy explores this concept  at Gracefull Mama; be sure to check it out!  Also, Denise in Bloom is starting a brilliant online community for this sole purpose. Look for Sisters in Bloom this January!

* offering real-life advice: More and more, I want to offer content that will truly benefit my readers – whether it’s blog posts or facebook comments. I want to be generous with who I am and what I know. So many people have been generous to me, it’s the least I can offer in return.

Some things that I’ve been trying to avoid with my avatar…

* empty flattery: I’ve been convicted about the times I just rattle off little “oo’s” and “ah’s” that don’t contain any depth. Sometimes I do it just to connect my avatar with others – just to get her a seat closer to the birthday girl. But it stinks. The worst part is that it wastes time, and steals the heart from my sincere encouragement.

* demanding things from other people: As soon as I wrote Blogger Behave, I felt like I needed everyone to prop me up. I felt like I needed you to review it, like it, and post about it. When I came out of the gate I was a little pushy, thinking everyone should use their time and talents to promote my book. Then I remembered that the heart of my message is to help other writers balance their online time and feel comfortable saying “no” to buggers like me. I’m navigating how to get my message out and sell my book, without manipulating you to buy my stuff and give me time you don’t have. (This is so so tricky!)

* self-aggrandizement: Because the real Laura Booz is an idealist, it’s really hard to temper my avatar’s tendency to being a shiny-happy-mermaid-of-a-mommy. I often need to guide my avatar towards honesty, integrity, and humility.

* self-deprecation: At the same time, I can’t fix the pride problem with (blushes) and (tears!) so that my readers know how humble I am. Nor can I honestly craft “Laura Booz’s kids” (also avatars) into complete rug-rats and tell you my life is falling apart when it isn’t. Our God is strong and very loving; He calls me a saint and He’s teaching me how to live like one. I muffle His thunder when I grovel.

AN ONLINE VISION STATEMENT

Things started coming together for me when I finally wrote a vision statement for my presence online. I might change it up over time, but this short statement keeps “Laura Booz” streamlined, efficient, and effective. Here’s my vision statement: “I exist online to soak up and share wisdom and encouragement about womanhood, Christianity, homeschooling, and writing.”

To do: Write a one-sentence statement about who you are (or, who you want to be) online. Here, I’ll start you off: “I exist online to…”

Joining us this week? Link-up!

Join us tomorrow for Day 3!

You can learn a whole lot more by downloading Blogger Behave: Make your blog benefit your life so you can love both! You can also subscribe to my blogs: 10 Million Miles (click here to subscribe) and TheHomeschoolBaby.com (click here to subscribe). You can also subscribe to Like a Warm Cup of Coffee by clicking here (or email, here). Happy behaving!

Email readers, click here to see the video

The question usually goes something like this: Would you rather have lots of power, lots of money, or lots of fame? The assumption is that these things tickle our fancy and – on our darkest days – motivate our selfish side.

Although my answer is the least practical and I wish I could change it to “money,” it sings out from my inner celebrity: I’d rather have fame. Truly. I would love for everyone to know me and adore me. (Maybe it has something to do with my love language: I’ve got a sweet tooth for affirmation.)

Sometimes I feel like my desire to be “popular” drives my Social Media decisions.  I tweet, post, facebook, and email because I want to make you (and all of your friends) smile and say, “She is so great.” I smile all day long when I see that one of my posts has been tweeted and retweeted a couple of dozen times.  Although my family members are my #1 fans, when I don’t get my “fame” fix at home, I sit down at the computer and find a handful of readers who think I’m awesome.  Of course, I’m not totally corrupt. I often email, blog, facebook, and tweet simply because I want to encourage my friends, connect with my family, and minister to my readers.  But I just can’t look you in the eye and say that my motivations are always pure. I’ll be the first to admit that when I am spending far too much time and affection on Social Media, it’s because I’m salivating for a little fame. But after a while, the very thing that brings me a boost, depletes me.

We humans love the taste of things like power, money, and fame. But if we pursue them alone, we’ll die of hard hearts. Maybe this is why so many of us have a sinking feeling about social media – even though we enjoy it and spend lots of time with it. If we’re honest with ourselves about the lurking emptiness, we’ll discover that we’ve been using Social Media to feed a part of our hearts that is meant to be starved. Humans don’t grow well on a diet of power, money, and fame.  In fact, we are only ever happy when that part of us is depleted. We’re happiest when we’ve heaped every ounce of power, money, and fame upon Christ.

So what to do?

Well, the solution requires a paradigm shift. Although I could grit my teeth and “try harder” to stop using social media as a quick fix, it wouldn’t get me very far. My resolve would last until next Tuesday, and then I’d be back to spending hours in front of the screen trying to make people like me, while feeling less and less like a human.

What has given me some success is writing out a list of wholesome expectations for my time online: 5 to 10 things I can pursue via Social Media without constructing an idol or indulging in selfishness.  The focus on goodness has inherent boundaries and a natural point of satiation. I see this same principle at work when I eat a really good meal. I’m satisfied with small portions and hardly have any room for dessert. On the contrary, I can shove my hand back into a 5-gallon bucket of cheese balls dozens of times, needing more, more, more!  We find balance and satisfaction with good online pursuits, while selfish online pursuits lead us only to the dizzying center of the Social Media Vortex.

To keep myself from swooning for Social Media fame, I’ve established some practical expectations for my time online.

I expect Social Media…

* to improve my writing – in technique and essence

* to encourage my readers to love God and other people

* to handle criticism with dignity and grace

* to handle praise with simplicity and humility

* to grow in compassion, wisdom, and discretion

When I’m in Social Media to gain these expectations, I can write one thoughtful post without scrambling on twitter and facebook so that hundreds of people read it and love me. I can just post it. Then I go on with my day, knowing that I’ve already gleaned goodness from my work.

Jump in: Would you rather have lots of power, money, or fame? Do you think your love for one or more of these things ever drives your involvement in Social Media?

To do: Jot down your expectations for Social Media. Tape them to your computer screen so that you can remember why you’re online. (Of course, we’d love to peek over your shoulder! Share your thoughts in the comments or link a post.)

Join in! Link-up!

Join us tomorrow for Day 2!

…

You can learn a whole lot more by downloading Blogger Behave: Make your blog benefit your life so you can love both! You can also subscribe to my blogs: 10 Million Miles (click here to subscribe) and TheHomeschoolBaby.com (click here to subscribe). You can also subscribe to Like a Warm Cup of Coffee by clicking here (or email, here). Happy behaving!

My friend Laura…

…author of the blogs 10 Million Miles and The Homeschool Baby, and the eBook, Blogger Behave, is taking over my blog for the week beginning on Monday! Why you ask? In her own words…

“God is calling us to use our online presence for His glory. He’s got big ideas for your every tweet, status, pin, and blog post… ideas that will bring real and meaningful light to this limitless online space.  Take a look around and you’ll see His ideas at work. He’s shaping our hearts to want what He wants. We are feeling compelled to write well, tell useful stories, speak out for the oppressed, promote ethical companies, steward our God-given abilities, and make the most of our time online and offline. This is a huge undertaking, and it’s not easy territory. We’re smart enough to know that by dipping our toe into the vortex of social media, we risk being pulled into its dizzying demands. But, don’t worry, He won’t leave us to fend for ourselves. He’s the one planting the desires in our hearts, He’ll equip us with the know-how. This week, I want to share a handful of ways in which I’ve come to enjoy making social media behave, so that I can hear God’s voice and happily obey Him. But I want to hear your ideas, too. I’ve asked Sarah Mae to borrow her space so that we can join together and begin a lasting conversation about how we can use social media wisely. I’ll need ten minutes of your time every day this week in the hopes of freeing you up for more. Are you in?”

Yes!

If you’re in with me, grab the button at the top of this post (just right click and “save image as”) and link it to this post! Go ahead and also link your blog up to the below Linky so we can support each other each day…don’t forget to link back here so others can join!

Oh, and while you’re at it, you should just go ahead and subscribe to 10 Million Miles; so much goodness there! You can also subscribe to Like a Warm Cup of Coffee by clicking here (or email, here). Happy behaving!