November 18, 2009
Three Boys & Autism
Today’s post is from the lovely Arianne…
I sit on my couch watching my boys play, and I can’t believe it still.
Three boys, all on the autism spectrum, yet today we rejoice. Each one of them at a different place in their journey, and each one of them succeeding. They make progress, they laugh, they LOVE.
All things we never knew if we’d see or not.
The youngest sits next to me, cuddling, and I am reminded I never got to cuddle with his older brothers like this. By the time they liked to cuddle (a little) they were too big to fit in the curve of my hip on the couch and squish down under my arm.
Every little thing, is new to me.
I often wonder — do moms with typical kids realize the amount of love they receive every day? That smile, that hug, that look, that playtime, that regular meal, that relaxed bedtime, that quick-leave-the-house-on-a-whim. I notice everything. All of it. Because I once didn’t have it.
I sometimes live as though those moments will be taken away. I know this fear is not from God, so I remind myself to trust that the progress my boys have made will stick. Will reside forever. But a mom of autism is used to regression, even still, used to regression that doesn’t get better. A weekend trip may take months to recover from, but we always recover. God always help us recover.
These boys brought a depth to my soul so deep, and bright, and sometimes dark, but always closer — to Him. The God of gods, King of kings! He who is my only refuge when I feel so profoundly inadequate as me. The wife, mother, daughter, friend. He who reminds me that He made me their mom.
When I had my first boy, I thought I knew myself. I thought I understood. But now, I realize it was as if I was living on the first floor of a house, not understanding that house was actually twenty stories high. Never exploring more, never seeking. Staying comfortable. There was SO MUCH MORE to live, to see, to feel, to experience. To believe.
Woe that I had become so comfortable, going to church, attending small group, reading my never-scratch-the-surface devotionals, never understanding that I had settled in, waiting to be fed, and not risking anything. I was being obedient, yes, but had stopped thirsting, thinking I was doing all the right things, but not understanding it was *just* enough. Not extra. Not further. Not understanding that I could be so much more with Him.
I thank God for my precious difficult boys who remind me how to be MORE. How to be intentional and specific with my parenting, show me that I can really handle much more than I realized, turned me into an advocate for them and children like them, and who reminded me that LOVE can be found in the tiniest of tiny.
In a smile, a hug. A twinkle in the eye that is not there by accident.
In every strand of hair, and in every single heart.
Oh yes, how we rejoice!
14 Responses to “Three Boys & Autism”
Wow! That is such a sweet piece.
Austistic children are so precious. They are SO worth the extra effort, though I’m sure it gets hard sometimes.
I loved hearing about your adventure in learning from them!
Kirsten Erin´s last blog post … Toddler-ish Blanket
What sweetness and how wonderful to know you rest in God’s plan. I can only imagine how difficult it can be – but what a beautiful perspective and insight He has given to you. Thank you for sharing this.
Debbie´s last blog post … To Change the Things I Can
Oh to take in every moment, to enjoy each new gift, to live in joy!
Hugs,
Traci
Traci´s last blog post … Stained Walls
I too am a mother of a son with autism. I have been where you are and had some of the same thoughts. What a joy it is to see the blessings in the small stuff that without autism in our life, we would never have the opportunity to know!!
Beautiful post. My supervisor’s 18 year old daughter has autism. I never understood patience, strength and trust until I watched her interact with her daughter during those times she regressed and became aggressive. Thank you for sharing your heart!
Tiffany´s last blog post … Etsy Tuesday
Oh what a wonderful testimony! Thank you for sharing your trials and encouragements. I am so grateful that the Lord has given you the heart and strength necessary for the trials you face. You have not only inspired me with your courage and joy, but with the knowledge that a healthy “normal” little boy like mine is not something to be taken for granted. Thank you.
Jessalyn´s last blog post … Wanting the Best of Both Worlds
Your radiant boys are like their mama…
who reminds me that is SO MUCH MORE with Him than I could ever imagine.
Again, thank you, Arianne….
All’s grace,
Ann
Praise God that you can and are rejoicing! Autism is very special to my heart. I worked with children with Autism for around 5 years. God makes them & every child so special. May we always be encouraged to be intentional with our children. His blessings on your family. In Christ, b
This is really beautiful. Thank you for sharing this.
Kristine McGuire´s last blog post … Random Acts of Kindness or Being Christ-Like?
I love this article. A dear friend of mine is trying to get her child tested for autism. They have not been able to find anything affordable. They homeschool him, but there is alot of behavior that he exhibits that corresponds to autism. She needs some pointers or even resources. If you have the time- I would love to hear from you!
Jamie´s last blog post … Our piece of history…
Great post. I was hoping the story of your journey continued, I was that drawn in. I do take for granted the ease and sweetness of my 4yo and I freak out at the first sign of a tantrum or a fight which are rare. I need to treasure my children more. Thanks.
Lori Zimbardi´s last blog post … Why Can’t They Love Thy Neighbor?
I love this post. We don’t have autism in our family, but this year I, too, have had to shrug off my comfort shawl and reach up to Him for more. I love your imagery of being on the first floor of a house that’s 20 storeys tall.