Okay, now that home educating is becoming real, I am starting to freak.

Can I do it?

I’m not a naturally organized, structured person.

I am SO scared of failing!

But I’m determined.

I want to home educate…I am excited about it as well…

Anyone else embarking on home educating for the first time?  Anyone else totally freaked about failing?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh…………..

And I don’t want Social Security.

My dream?

I dream of having a large house where family meets frequently and where parents live and are taken care of by their own.

I dream of raising children who think beyond themselves and instead think of their family and how they can be faithful in caring for their family – present and future.

I dream of my husband and I building a lasting legacy of godly families through the generations.

I dream of bringing in wealth for my family – and for the generations of our family.

I dream of grandchildren and great grandchildren who know us well…and we know them well and we pour into them in the hopes that they will pour into their families and their family’s families.

I dream of many hands and many feet all gathered in the home…eating, laughing, loving, serving, worshiping together.

I dream of “doing” ministry by my family’s side…feeding the hungry, clothing the needy, loving the unlovable.

I dream of being a blessed mother and wife that is far more valuable than rubies.

I dream…and I have a vision for our family.

What’s your vision?

There is cheese smushed on my kitchen floor.

Do you know why there is cheese smushed on my kitchen floor?

{honey, don’t read next part}

Because I let my kids eat shredded cheese on the kitchen floor…no plates, no silverwear…just straight out of the bag.

Sometimes parenting is just that way.

And sometimes you just need to roll with it so you don’t have a freak out.

Which I almost had today.

But I didn’t.

I keep reminding myself that parenting was never intended to be easy…

or always fun…

or always clean.

Parenting is stinkin’ hard.

Intentional parenting is really stinkin’ hard.

But I want intentional.

I want to do the hard things so that I can one day look back and say, “I didn’t do it perfectly, but I chose my children over myself.”

That’s where it gets hard, doesn’t it?  When we choose to serve our children instead of our own desires.

You want to know something?  There are plenty of days I would like to pursue full-time writing.  There are plenty of days I would just like to get a part-time job so I can have adult conversation and do something other than clean poop, kiss boo boo’s, intervene during the 500 conflicts a day, make PB & J sandwhiches, clean up PB & J sandwhiches, play candyland, spend time preparing crafts that they only play with for five minutes, etc.

Then I pinch myself out of my funk and thank God for the privilege to clean poop, kiss boo boo’s, intervene during the 500 conflicts a day, make PB & J sandwiches, clean up PB & J sandwiches, play candy land, spend time preparing crafts that they only play with for five minutes, etc.  I would never want to give those moments to another.

Because

It is in those moments that I am the one to say, “great poo honey, soon you can go on the potty” or “it’s okay that you’re having a hard time going in the potty, you and me babe, we’ll keep working on it until you can do it, and I know you can do it!”  I have the opportunity to “heal” a hurt, teach kindness and sharing and selflessness through the conflicts, spread love on every sandwich, give my kiddos the spur of the moment time they crave during different intervals in the day, and be pushed and challenged in selflessness by doing the seemingly monotonous things for some little’s that won’t necessarily remember.

But they do take it in.

And it gets in their little psyches.

And memories are filled.

And home is the place where firsts are made and goals are met and the spirit is nurtured.

So yea, parenting is hard.

Intentional parenting is even harder.

Even on the freak out cheese days.

I wouldn’t give it up for anything.

In the spirit of this article from At the well and this one from We are THAT family, I now give you the below article from the talented (love how she writes) Dana from Composing Hallelujahs! (the new host of Motivate Me Monday). Dana is a Texas wife and blog-at-home mom of four. When she’s not blogging, you’ll find her homeschooling her cowboy-to-be son and three dancing-princess daughters. She also enjoys decorating cakes, blasting the house with heart pounding worship music and learning to ballroom dance with her silly romantic husband.

so maybe you’re thinking, “Oh great, she’s one of those mothers!” You know, the kind that lets her kids run wild, eat sugary snacks all day long and let’s them do, go, and have anything and everything and then claim they’re just “expressing themselves”.

but notice i didn’t suggest you give your kids EVERYTHING they want. {mm-hmm. still wondering? read on}

i’m actually a rather strict mom, compared to the “average jo” kind of mom at least. We have rules {probably too many in some people’s eyes} and we do our best to be consistent and require obedience and respect and all that good stuff. {but please don’t think they are all perfect little angels. cute? definitely. funny? for sure. perfect? yeah right!} I’m no Capt. VonTrap with a whistle, but the shoes stay off the furniture, no jumping on the beds and so on and so forth…

I’m also a teeny tiny itty bitty bit of a control freak/perfectionist {insert embarrased chuckle here}. That does NOT mean my house is in perfect order, but it means that I like to do certain things a certain way! So, I end up saying no to the kids quite a bit when they want to do something… like {gasp} help me with something! {which is probably WHY my house isn’t in perfect order cause i’m trying to do it all myself}

now, i’m not talking about giving them the toy they whined for in the store {goodness gracious, no, never do that!}, i’m talking about giving them the feeling of value and belonging they desire, but don’t know to put into those words.

some statements i usually say “no” to {normally without thinking, the “no” just comes out automatically} are things like…

“Can I help?” “No” {because it will go faster if i just do it}

or “Can I do the dishes?” “No” {cause i don’t want to clean up a watery mess}

or “Can I vacuum?” “No” {it’s too heavy for you and i don’t want you to break something or scratch the baseboards}

or “Can I go with you?” “No” {because mommy needs some quiet time even if it is at the super crowded and noisy grocery store}

isnt’ that silly of me?!?! and then… and then we wonder why it’s a struggle to get the kids to help with the chores when they are older. sooo, i’m working on throwing caution to the wind {uh, not really throwing, more like underhand tossing} when it comes to giving my kids what they want. {but really it’s what they need}.

When it comes to contributing to the family unit, our children need to feel that they are important and valuable to the survival of the family {this is also why we have chosen NOT to give an money/allowance for everyday chores, but only for above and beyond things and projects, like preparing a garden bed, helping dad build something, etc…}. Being a part of something bigger than themselves gives them a reason to work hard and remain committed and “loyal” {that’s one reason why gangs are so appealing to many youth}

so next time your little one is wanting to water and weed the garden {even though they might pull up an actual plant or drown another}, or get the clothes out of the dryer {even thought half of them get dropped on the dusty laundry room floor}, or tag along on a trip to lowes {even though you were hoping for a moment of quiet}… show them how much you love them and just give’em what they want! ;)

Lizanne of Clay Jar People emailed me some great questions on being a stay-at-home mom and how to manage a family on one income. She gave me permission to post her questions.

1. Were you at home before you had kids? Or did you only decide to stay home once you had babies?

I did work, but I knew that once I had my first child I would quit and stay home to
raise my child.

2. How do you manage to feed a family of 5 on one income? That’s hectic!

It’s really not that bad if you are willing to give up other things. We don’t go
out to eat (fast food here and there), we have one vehicle (and a motorcycle),
we don’t buy a bunch of things (no iphone, no flat screen T.V., no cable, no laptop, etc.) and
we budget. Our grocery bill is usually around $200-250/month.

3. My husband is planning to study part time, possibly full time, for about 7 years… How do you think we could manage since we want kids in that time?

Start living on one income now – save everything you make from your job. Get frugal.
Budget. Pray. Make staying at home your only option – seriously. When I got
pregnant, I was working for a non-profit making beans and my hubby was still in
school and working at a hot dog shop! If you want to be a full-time mommy and you
have limited finances, you have to be ridiculously committed, but it is worth every
“sacrifice” in the world.

4. How do you cut on your grocery budget?

Snacks are the first to go. I don’t make very many exciting meals, and we don’t eat
a lot of red meat. We pretty much stick to the basics! It makes for a great diet
program!

5. Do you guys have life insurance or pension? And what about savings?

We do have life insurance and a pension plan. My husband works for a School District
so we have excellent benefits. We do save – we follow Dave Ramsey’s principles on
saving and it has worked very well for us.

6. I don’t know how the cost of living compares in the US with South Africa, but its quite expensive here. For example, renting a small one bedroom flat costs R3000 which I think is about $300. I suppose its pretty much normal… But where does one cut costs?

You have to be willing to sacrifice “luxuries.” Start with what you absolutely
need, and work up from there.

7. How do you manage with one car with kids? We have one car, which isn’t an issue because I take the bus to work. But if we had kids it would be tougher. How do you manage?

My husband has a motorcycle, so that helps, but in the winter I either have to drive
him to work or stay home. On the days we stay home I try and plan for friends to
come visit, or we do other fun things.

Thank you for the awesome questions! I truly believe that you will never regret
staying home and raising up your sweeties for the Lord. :)

“Good point!” comment alert!

Robin: “Two questions: Is it easy to stay at home on one income? Is it easy to work outside the home with children? I have done both, so I know the answer to both. No. Which one would I die trying to accomplish? The first.”

Amy: “So many people talk about the sacrifice that it takes to stay at home but I would like to mention the huge sacrifice that it takes to work outside the home. The sacrifice on our children’s lives.”

Anne: “If you have to work, let the Lord redeem it!”

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Brother and Sister, originally uploaded by wiseacredesign.

You know how it goes.

A little shove here, a little push there. The toy they both want. Grabbing. Shouting. Tears. Anger.

If you have kiddos, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Sibling conflict.

It’s as old as time. In fact, the very first sibling conflict ended in death. I can think we can fare a little better than that.

1. Be available to grasp every teachable moment you can.

It must be said that without constant intervention and instruction, teaching our children to get along in love and patience will be very difficult. We have to not only be willing, but available to step in when conflict arises. No one else can train and teach your kiddos like you can…your influence in their lives in absolutely priceless. You are raising human beings – the greatest task God ever bestowed upon a woman, next to being your husbands helper-completer. Are you available to step-in during the many moments that day brings?

2. Have a backup of verses stored in your mind that you can teach your kiddos when a moment of conflict arises.

The two main verses we use in our home with respect to conflict are:

3. Have a plan in place

When you hear the first cries of injustice sailing through the air, you can stay calm and focused if you have a plan in place. We plan because we know that conflict is inevitable, but it’s our job to teach our kiddos kindness, patience, self-control, and servant-hood. When I hear the first hint of conflict, I try to be on it right away. Assess the situation, ask what happened, speak lovingly. I think sometimes it’s easy to say to an older child, “just give it to your brother/sister, they’re younger than you!” This approach (which I have done before) is lacking because it is a missed opportunity to engage in fairness and selflessness. The older one needs to know that you are doing your best to treat them with them with fairness. The younger one needs to learn that they can’t always have what they want.
Another great plan to impart is the “no grabbing, try asking” plan. This little gem is from Shaping Little Souls.

4. Hold your tongue (and “watch” your eyes)

The temptation when we hear the screaming is to roll our eyes and march to the situation with a “give-me-break guys, you need to just get along…WHAT’S THE PROBLEM NOW?!! reaction. Oh wait, you mean that’s only me? Ahem. Well anyway, it’s important that we try and remember that our little sinners are just doing what they are supposed to do…it is our job to civilize them. Try not to roll your eyes and yell. Try and speak kindly and in an understanding tone. I know it’s hard. But let’s try.

5. Employ wisdom

Remember those verses you tucked away for such an occasion? Now is the time to use them. When conflict ensues, enter the lion’s den with Jesus! I’ll give an example of a common conflict: you hear the scream, “Nooooooooo, that’s my toy!” “Ahhhhhhhhhh…..” You enter to see tears trickling down your daughters face as she lashes out in anger at her brother to grab back her toy. In the meantime, he is trying to run away with it, screaming and fighting for freedom. Step in, get down to your daughters level, and ask what happened. “He took my toy, I was playing with it.” “Okay honey, but we never hit or push or hurt to get what we want. If you’re angry, run away and come to mommy.” Now is your opportunity to go to the other child and explain that “we don’t take toys from each other, we take turns.” I then set a timer that gives the first child 5 minutes with the toy. Then the toy goes to the other child and the first one willingly gives it up in love (because we talk about how sharing is kind and Jesus wants us to be kind to one anther). Use these moments to sprinkle truth into their little hearts. These conflicts are wonderful opportunities to share Jesus and His heart for how we are to live.

6. Be ready to discipline

This is crucial, especially when violence is involved. Hitting/biting is absolutely unacceptable and must be dealt with immediately. The minute you see one of your children hurting another, take swift action to correct that child. In our family, after we discipline the offending child, we take their hands and rub them on our face and say, “hands are for looooooooove and gentleness.” Our kids love saying that and smile every time. In fact, we find ourselves often saying, “what are hands for?” And the kiddos respond “loooooooooove.” If kicking is involved, I always say, after correcting the offender, “we don’t use our bodies to hurt each other, our bodies are to be used for the glory of God.” (We got the “hands are for love” technique from this fantastic article about fussing by Sally Clarkson.)

7. Nurture positive relationships

Plan fun activities for the family and for your children…often. Make memories, laugh, sing, tackle each other in the snow, build one another up with sincere praise, write notes of encouragement, be in awe of the different personalities that make up your family, and learn to enjoy each another in the unique ways that God has fashioned each one of us! As we nurture the family relationships as a while, the sibling relationships will form a positive lasting bond as well.

8. Be an example

Do you and your husband quarrel in front of your kiddos? Do you try and serve one anther or always ask/expect to be served? Do you do your best to speak kindly and in love or do you “snap” and nag? Do you forgive or hold grudges? The weight of our actions is far greater than our words.

9. Steer clear of movies that use the stereotypical brother and sister model

It seems like every “family” movie I see has a brother and sister that “annoy” and treat each other with incredible disrespect. I’m sorry, I don’t care if it’s the “norm.” It doesn’t have to be. While there may be truth to an extra load of conflict because of living under one roof together day in and day out, it is not excuse to treat one another with disdain. I personally believe that teaching siblings to work through their conflicts and treat each other with kindness, selflessness and respect prepares them for marriage one day. Yep. When we marry someone, we are in it, even through the hard times, the sometimes long days and the annoying habits of our spouse. We are still to be loving.

10. Pray that they would be best friends

I’m serious. Quit laughing! Okay, okay, so maybe your children won’t be best friends, but…maybe they will. Or maybe they will at least learn to love, respect, and truly enjoy each other. Are you praying this?

Two MUST read articles by Sally Clarkson in how to handle sibling conflict and quarreling:
Fussing, fussing, fussing! And How To Tame It
Fussing Part 2

Book Recommendation:
Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends

This post is linked with Real Life’s Your Life, Your Blog

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“Respect your children more than your closest friends.” -Susan Bradrick

This week, my friend Christin (Journey to a Gracious Woman) and I will be hosting a little series on civilizing our kiddos! You know, the training and discipline thing…yea, pretty important!

For part of my (completely haphazard) Reclaiming Your Life series, I was going to be writing about the importance of our children being trained and disciplined so that they bring us delight instead of shame. I saw that Christin was also going to be writing about the subject, so I contacted her about “tag-teaming.” She was all for it! I am looking forward to her posts, and I hope you will stick around for mine (even though I only have training tips for babes three and under!).

Head on over to Christin’s today for her article, “The Duty of Discipline.” She is also having a giveaway!

Here is our series schedule (hmmm..a series within a series…):

• Tuesday @ Journey to a Gracious Woman: Topic–The Duty of Discipline plus a Giveaway!
• Wednesday @ Like a Warm Cup of Coffee: Topic– Direct Disobedience
• Thursday @ Journey to a Gracious Woman: Topic–Winning Over Whining & Bad Attitudes
• Friday @ Like a Warm Cup of Coffee: Topic–Sibling Conflicts
  

Reclaiming Your Life:
I Don’t Want To View My Children As Burdens (the post that made me realize I needed to reclaim my life)
Learning To Lose Myself
A Challenge
Losing It
Equipped For Battle
Making Our Priorities A Reality
Not A Perfect Life, A Blessed One
Let’s Talk Feminism
Living Unbounded By Feminist Fear
Submitting To A Sinner

Keep up with Like A Warm Cup of Coffee by clicking here!

Do you ever just want to run away from life?

Lately I have been feeling a little crazy…like I’m going to lose it. I know I’m still super hormonal from the recent birth of my daughter, but I don’t like who I am some days. My sister-in-law tells me she prays for a new heart. I need a new heart, and a new perspective.

What I want to feel like:

“Don’t you see that children are God’s best gift? the fruit of the womb his generous legacy?” Psalm 127:3 (The Message)

What I’m struggling with feeling:

“Having children is like being pecked to death by ducks.” Harley Davidson sticker