I can’t answer all the questions that come along with our spouses being the “right” spouse.

I can say that once we are married (and I’m even more confident if you are a child of God) that your spouse is the “right” one – it is not a mistake.

Do you know what happens when we start thinking in terms of “what if…?” If we start thinking that perhaps the one we are with is a mistake? Do you know what happens to our hearts? They become hard toward our spouse, sometimes slowly, eroding over time so that we don’t even notice until our marriage becomes all but dead. We stop trying. We cling to our independence. We give up…even if know one else knows it.

Matthew 19:3-9

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator `made them male and female,’ and said, `For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

Some of you think you will never divorce your husband, so you’re in the clear. I ask you, what about a divorce of the heart? None of us are immune to it because we are all in a spiritual battle with not only the enemy, but also with our sinful nature.

Ask yourself these questions:

• Do I roll my eyes at my husband when we disagree?
• Do I allow myself to have lingering thoughts about a past love?
• Do I find myself gravitating toward the attention of other men?
• Do I think negative thoughts about my husband and/or our marriage?
• Do I respect my husband?
• Do I trust that God knows what He’s doing with my marriage, no matter how difficult it is?
• Is divorce an option?

A hard heart will destroy a marriage from the inside out – whether you physically divorce or not. God wants us to have soft, hearts ready for molding. You and your spouse are one – God declared it so, and “what God has joined together, let no man separate.”

My friends, it is not a mistake who your spouse is. God will use your marriage to refine both of you, and even more so He will use your marriage to do a good work…His purpose and plans cannot be thwarted. You know what else? He loves you with an everlasting love! He cares for you, and your marriage. He wants you to have a successful marriage!

A Challenge For You!

Go to your husband this very day and ask him if there are any areas in which he feels disrespected or unloved by you. Listen to him. Listen. Then say, “okay, I hear you.” Drop your defenses…be soft. Pray. Do (or stop doing).

Today I am praying throughout the day for all of us to have softer hearts and more tender thoughts towards our husbands. Will you join me in this prayer today?

This topic is going to be a very interesting discussion. I will be the first to say that I by no means have cornered the market on truth – only God has. Everything I present is what I believe, by scripture and faith, to be true.

With that said, my first question to you is this:

Do you believe God has a purpose and plan for His creation?

I do.

“But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations.” Psalm 33:11

I also believe He directs His people to accomplish His plan and purposes, including marriages (the good, the bad, and the ugly) and the children you will or will not have therein.

“Man’s steps are ordered by the Lord. How then can a man understand his way?” Proverbs 20:24

“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.” Proverbs 19:21

The immediate questions that probably pop into your mind are, “what about those who were in marriages and their spouse left them? What about those who were married to someone before they were saved and are now with someone else?” Where does sin fit in – can’t we deviate from God’s plan?”

I think the above questions, and the whole premise in general that our spouses are part of God’s plan for us, deserves some in-depth discussion and study.

Before I continue with this topic, I want to hear from you – what is your perspective?

If you have time, come visit me today over at Empowered Traditionalist!

…

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www.bigfoto.com

If the emotional door to your heart is unlocked, be prepared for a possible break in.

I have heard it said many times that we just cannot help who we fall in love with (or for that matter, fall out of love with). Sometimes it’s not a matter of falling in and out of love, but rather leaving a teeny tiny little space open in the heart that has the potential to allow someone other than our husbands in (perhaps we already have). How do we lock up that space so it is reserved for one man only?

The first thing we must do is cling to these three truths:

1. We can choose who our hearts belong too.
2. We can choose how we act.
3. We can pray and God will help us.

We Can Choose Who Our Hearts Belong Too

God has given us authority over our domains. One of our domains is our hearts. If there is one thing I have learned from following my heart, as opposed to guiding it in wisdom, it is that when I do I usually find myself in a mess. It’s lovely to say, “follow your heart,” but the fact is, our hearts are filled with foolishness.

“He who leans on, trusts in, and is confident of his own mind and heart is a [self-confident] fool, but he who walks in skillful and godly Wisdom shall be delivered.” Proverbs 28:26

If you have or are struggling with your heart being tugged by the memory of someone else (or someone else in reality), know that there is hope. You don’t have to be in shackles; it is possible to train your heart. Keep reading.

We Can Choose How We Act

I am by no means saying that training our hearts is easy (in fact, we can’t do it on our own – more on that later). It can be painful and challenging. It is worth every battle. For me, I have been believing a lie that I could not control my heart or how I would act if I saw someone that might open the floodgates to my heart. I was scared of myself and my emotions. The emotions may come, but the truth is I can control how I act and respond. I can have a plan ahead of time. I can be grounded in the truth.

We Can Pray and God Will Help Us

Oh, I love this! How wonderful that we have a God who cares and wants to help us..heal us. He hears our cries, and if we let Him, he will deliver us from the bondage of having feelings for another man. Prayer is powerful my friend! Sometimes we just need to get alone with God, on our faces, and pray and pray and pray. Sometimes we need a friend or mentor to pray with us and over us. If you are wrestling with feelings for someone other than your husband, do not keep it a secret! Find someone you trust and tell them. You need a battle partner. If God leads you, tell your husband as well.

Abiding in the above three truths will set you on a path to emotional freedom, but there is another truth that I want you to know…and to really believe. The truth that who you are married to is not a mistake. We will delve into that truth tomorrow.

…

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I can’t answer all the questions that come along with our spouses being the “right” spouse.

I can say that once we are married (and I’m even more confident if you are a child of God) that your spouse is the “right” one – it is not a mistake.

Do you know what happens when we start thinking in terms of “what if…?” If we start thinking that perhaps the one we are with is a mistake? Do you know what happens to our hearts? They become hard toward our spouse, sometimes slowly, eroding over time so that we don’t even notice until our marriage becomes all but dead. We stop trying. We cling to our independence. We give up…even if know one else knows it.

Matthew 19:3-9

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator `made them male and female,’ and said, `For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

Some of you think you will never divorce your husband, so you’re in the clear. I ask you, what about a divorce of the heart? None of us are immune to it because we are all in a spiritual battle with not only the enemy, but also with our sinful nature.

Ask yourself these questions:

• Do I roll my eyes at my husband when we disagree?
• Do I allow myself to have lingering thoughts about a past love?
• Do I find myself gravitating toward the attention of other men?
• Do I think negative thoughts about my husband and/or our marriage?
• Do I respect my husband?
• Do I trust that God knows what He’s doing with my marriage, no matter how difficult it is?
• Is divorce an option?

A hard heart will destroy a marriage from the inside out – whether you physically divorce or not. God wants us to have soft, hearts ready for molding. You and your spouse are one – God declared it so, and “what God has joined together, let no man separate.”

My friends, it is not a mistake who your spouse is. God will use your marriage to refine both of you, and even more so He will use your marriage to do a good work…His purpose and plans cannot be thwarted. You know what else? He loves you with an everlasting love! He cares for you, and your marriage. He wants you to have a successful marriage!

A Challenge For You!

Go to your husband this very day and ask him if there are any areas in which he feels disrespected or unloved by you. Listen to him. Listen. Then say, “okay, I hear you.” Drop your defenses…be soft. Pray. Do (or stop doing).

Today I am praying throughout the day for all of us to have softer hearts and more tender thoughts towards our husbands. Will you join me in this prayer today?

…

Click here to receive new articles by Sarah Mae to your email inbox. Click here to get them via RSS.

Below is one woman’s story of how failing to prepare our hearts and minds with the truth can lead to a serious breach of marriage. I applaud her courage and transparency in sharing it. Please offer this woman your love and compassion, for she is now on a journey to becoming a gracious, godly, and wise woman who is in love with her husband and Jesus Christ.

The “Ex” Effect

By Christin

This area of my life is a very sensitive one, but after going through it, I really want to share with others what damaging effects can come from entertaining the idea that you can be “just friends” with an “ex” boyfriend. The fastest way to begin this is by saying this: just because we’re not intimate with another man, does not mean we’re not having an affair.

Women don’t need to have sex to be involved with another man. Let me share my story and it is with humility that I do so. This is not something I really like to talk about…

After the birth of my first child, roughly 6 1/2 years ago, I was frequently talking to an ex. The ex I dated before I met my husband. The one whom I thought I would marry. Long story short, he broke it off, and then later had regrets. My emotions betrayed me. I didn’t keep them in check and I thought I’d married the wrong person. Not because my husband was bad to me or even because we had a bad marriage, because we didn’t. Just because that’s what my emotions were telling me. This ex flattered me, listened to me (even though my husband did, too)…did all the things right by a woman.

One Friday he was going to be in the area to go to school and against better judgement, he came over while hubby was at work. I didn’t plan on anything happening. That’s the mistake. I tempted temptation. Although I didn’t plan for anything to happen, the moment had something else in mind and before I knew it I was lip-locked with this ex. I was humiliated before he even left the house. My first thought was what have I done?

I was so ashamed, I took my then 3 month old daughter and drove straight to my husband’s work and told him what happened, through tears. He extended me so much grace, I thought there was something wrong with him!

So, what mistakes did I make? Hmm…let’s see..

• talking to this guy in the first place
• believing our contact was “innocent” because nothing could be seen on the outside
• believing an emotional affair wasn’t an affair
• allowing him into the house without hubby; underestimating the power of temptation
• allowing this guy a piece of me

Today, I have to live with the betrayal. Although my husband has forgiven me and never brings it up to attack me and I know I am forgiven by Jesus, there is still a bit of shame that goes along with it.

So, that’s my story of the “ex” and what happens when we just aren’t honest with ourselves. Please, don’t fall into the same trap…don’t think, “Well, I’m not her, I won’t let that happen”. Wrong. I was one of those girls who never saw myself as a cheater and believed “once a cheater, always a cheater”. Thank God for his grace and another chance to prove that statement wrong! We don’t plan for these things to happen. It happens in a moment of weakness…one we do not expect. It happens because we believe it won’t happen to me. Precautions must be taken. Don’t even allow yourself around anyone of the opposite sex without your husband around. No exceptions.

Thank you for reading my story…it is not an easy one to share, but I cannot just sit back and not tell other women of the dangers involved.

My husband may still be intact…but there are still wounds/scars that go with it as a result.

“The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of [honest] gain or need of [dishonest] spoil. She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her.” Proverbs 31:11,12

Who does your heart belong too?

Let’s be honest, it’s easy to end a conversation (or plan to end one) when the person on the other end makes you want to “throw up then and there.” (Thanks for that one Dana, I was LOL!). The conversation could go something like this:

“Hello?”

“It’s Mr. Ex Man…”

“How can I help you?”

“Blah Blah Blah (nothing important)”

“I apologize if I seem rude, but this is inappropriate because I am married so I am going to have to hang up now.”

Click.

What if, however, Mr. Ex man isn’t so repulsive to you. What if you think about him from time to time. Perhaps you thought he was the one you were supposed to end up with. What if…

Now is the time where the rubber meets the road. Now is the time to ask yourself,

“Am I completely my husbands?”

During the modesty series we talked about the heart being the key issue, but we had a large focus on the outward – how we dress. I think it’s time we look a little deeper into the heart…into the emotions, secret places, and areas that God wants to heal, change, or break so that we can give ourselves fully and completely to our husbands. No second thoughts, no what if’s, no faltering.

Join me tomorrow for part 2 of “Ex Prep.”

Have you ever thought about how you would handle a phone call from an ex-boyfriend?

Have you ever thought about preparing for such a call? Or perhaps a run-in?

I had thought from time to time, “what if so and so called…,” but I never thought about actually equipping myself for if it ever did happen.

And it did happen, an ex called.

I was caught completely off guard and ended up staying on the phone for ten minutes trying to be polite, but praying that the call would end. I personally have people-pleasing issues, so I’m not good at just cutting off conversation or hanging up. Long story short, I told my husband and it hurt him that I stayed on the phone so long. He knows my personality and understood the situation, but none-the-less, it wasn’t okay.

After a very awkward ten minutes, and the conversation afterwards with my husband, I decided to come up with a game plan for if it ever happens again (hopefully it won’t, especially with the guy who called. I did end up politely telling him that it wouldn’t be a good idea to call again).

Tomorrow I’m going to offer some tips and questions to get you thinking about what I call, “Ex Prep.” Hope you’ll join me!

…

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Wife: “Here are your eggs and bacon.”

Husband: “Where are the eggs?”

Wife: “Give me a break, will ya?!”

(From The Bob Newhart show)

{giggle}