*I’m over at Is This Modest today, so if you have time, drop by and say, “hi!”

I may be a little bit late for the Kiss Challenge….

But it’s never to late to kiss! So, in honor of the S.W.A.K. carnival, I am showcasing three of my favorite kissing pictures! Yes, I realize in the second picture we are a little off, but I’m sure we managed to get it right at some point!

Now I’ll share with you with our love story…

It all began one fall evening when I was a freshman in college. I was at a “Nav Night” (a time of fellowship and worship with an on campus ministry group, the Navigators) when a friend introduced me to her younger brother. He was 17 (and in high school), I was 19. It was a very brief introduction – more like a blip on the radar screen of our love story. He doesn’t even remember, but I do.

Fast forward to my Junior year of college. I was going on a missions trip to Memphis TN with the Navigators. My friend was also going…and so was her brother. I remember seeing him in the parking lot before we headed off to Memphis – I thought he was cute.

We were engaged four months later.

How do I prepare for marriage and at the same time guard my heart? As women, this is an incredibly difficult task because we were specifically created out of man for man. However, if we trust Jesus, we can trust that He has the best for us – whether that be a life of singleness or marriage. I think it is wise to prepare to be a wife, mother, and homemaker. If we stay single, these skills will serve us and others well – our families, our communities, and any domain that God grants us ministry in. Set your heart before Him, guarding it in purity, but keeping it tender in hope.

Five “Rules” For Women:

Don’t…

Assume

Expect

Initiate

Manipulate

(And if it’s from God) Don’t fight

What are some ways I can prepare to be my husband’s helper/completer?

There are so many things I wish I would have known to learn or areas I needed to grow in before I was married. It is with this hindsight that I offer to you my list of “to do’s” before you become married (remember, these will also serve you and others well as a single woman living for God):

Know Jesus Christ.

You will not be able to fully love and give yourself to a man until you have let Jesus into your heart to change it, heal it, and nurture it. Love Him above all else.

Purity.

If you have struggles with attachments to men, sexual addictions, past abortions, sexual abuse, commitment issues, etc., deal with these now. Do not let a day go by that you hold onto any brokenness or sin that needs dealt with. Submit yourself humbly to God and He will help you. Get help from others as well. Remember, Jesus heals the broken-hearted.

Deal with your “core” lies.

We all have lies we believe about ourselves and Satan wants to use them to tear us and others apart. To determine your “core lies,” watch for things that make you angry, anxious, or depressed. The core lies are usually under there. Whatever goals we’ve created because of our core lies have to go. For example, one of my core was “I am not good enough.” If I felt threatened in a situation that hit on my lie (”why did you let the kids watch T.V. today?) and I would get very angry and defensive. I had to let go of that lie because it would affect how I treated my husband. I also had to learn the truth – that Jesus loves me so much that He died for me and He is the ONLY one who has the authority to tell me who I am.

Choose now to let your future husband be who he is and that “he is enough for me.”

Men struggle with feeling that they are not enough. Be a refuge and place where he can experience freedom and grace. Be his biggest fan.

Become a wise steward of your finances.

Learn how to balance a checkbook, budget (and stick to it), and save. If you have debt, work diligently now to pay it off.

Learn a few “domestic” skills…

such as sewing, canning, knitting, painting, crafting, etc. (These come in handy if you have to live frugally and when you have kiddos).

Let go of your independence.

I cannot tell you how much you holding onto your own “rights” or independence will harm your marriage. Here is an excerpt my friend Laura wrote regarding this:

“Perhaps the most significant thing you will sacrifice is the spirit of independence which is destroying women. There is no room for the independent spirit in a woman’s life: we simply cannot love a man, children, or others well if we are entangled in this popular mentality that we are the center of the universe and we should have everything our way and we should be able to accomplish everything we desire and we shouldn’t have to answer to anyone but ourselves.
If you want to be great in God’s kingdom, learn to be the servant of all.
In the world’s eyes, you will be sacrificing so much, but in God’s eyes, you will be the lifeblood of His next generation, a generation who will praise His name.”

Recommended Resources:

Five Aspects of Woman Bible Study by Barbara Mouser.

Preparing To Be Homemakers, by Lindsey at Passionate Homemaking

Don’t be quick to leave because you already “know this” truth. Don’t be quick to leave if don’t know it, but but aren’t sure you want to hear it. Stick with me a minute.

Can we just soak a magnificent truth in awhile? The truth that we have a God who is so in love with us that He gave us a relationship (marriage) on earth to show just how faithful He is.

Marriage is hard! Can I get an AMEN?! Guess what must be harder? Creating people in your own image and having them leave you for someone or something else. Having them completely rebel against you. Not only do they rebel, but they do horrible things to each other and all that you have created.

Imagine loving someone and they left you heart broken.

God’s heart must have been broken when Adam and Eve trusted a snake over the goodness of God. His heart breaks now for those who still don’t trust His goodness.

I don’t know what you would do if your spouse cheated on you, said horrible untruths about you, and/or did wicked things to your family, but I know what God did when all these things happened to Him.

He came to earth to tell His beloved to come back to Him. Then, to show His beloved how faithful He was even though they weren’t, He died on a cross naked and shamed to take their place…our place…He got what we deserved.

Then…

He showed His power – He came back to life. He wants you to join Him – whether that be a new life with Him, believing Him and giving your life to Him, or a renewed life.

He’s waiting. Go.

If you want to journey with me through this crazy life, click here so we can continue to walk together.

I can’t answer all the questions that come along with our spouses being the “right” spouse.

I can say that once we are married (and I’m even more confident if you are a child of God) that your spouse is the “right” one – it is not a mistake.

Do you know what happens when we start thinking in terms of “what if…?” If we start thinking that perhaps the one we are with is a mistake? Do you know what happens to our hearts? They become hard toward our spouse, sometimes slowly, eroding over time so that we don’t even notice until our marriage becomes all but dead. We stop trying. We cling to our independence. We give up…even if know one else knows it.

Matthew 19:3-9

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator `made them male and female,’ and said, `For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

Some of you think you will never divorce your husband, so you’re in the clear. I ask you, what about a divorce of the heart? None of us are immune to it because we are all in a spiritual battle with not only the enemy, but also with our sinful nature.

Ask yourself these questions:

• Do I roll my eyes at my husband when we disagree?
• Do I allow myself to have lingering thoughts about a past love?
• Do I find myself gravitating toward the attention of other men?
• Do I think negative thoughts about my husband and/or our marriage?
• Do I respect my husband?
• Do I trust that God knows what He’s doing with my marriage, no matter how difficult it is?
• Is divorce an option?

A hard heart will destroy a marriage from the inside out – whether you physically divorce or not. God wants us to have soft, hearts ready for molding. You and your spouse are one – God declared it so, and “what God has joined together, let no man separate.”

My friends, it is not a mistake who your spouse is. God will use your marriage to refine both of you, and even more so He will use your marriage to do a good work…His purpose and plans cannot be thwarted. You know what else? He loves you with an everlasting love! He cares for you, and your marriage. He wants you to have a successful marriage!

A Challenge For You!

Go to your husband this very day and ask him if there are any areas in which he feels disrespected or unloved by you. Listen to him. Listen. Then say, “okay, I hear you.” Drop your defenses…be soft. Pray. Do (or stop doing).

Today I am praying throughout the day for all of us to have softer hearts and more tender thoughts towards our husbands. Will you join me in this prayer today?

This topic is going to be a very interesting discussion. I will be the first to say that I by no means have cornered the market on truth – only God has. Everything I present is what I believe, by scripture and faith, to be true.

With that said, my first question to you is this:

Do you believe God has a purpose and plan for His creation?

I do.

“But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations.” Psalm 33:11

I also believe He directs His people to accomplish His plan and purposes, including marriages (the good, the bad, and the ugly) and the children you will or will not have therein.

“Man’s steps are ordered by the Lord. How then can a man understand his way?” Proverbs 20:24

“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.” Proverbs 19:21

The immediate questions that probably pop into your mind are, “what about those who were in marriages and their spouse left them? What about those who were married to someone before they were saved and are now with someone else?” Where does sin fit in – can’t we deviate from God’s plan?”

I think the above questions, and the whole premise in general that our spouses are part of God’s plan for us, deserves some in-depth discussion and study.

Before I continue with this topic, I want to hear from you – what is your perspective?

If you have time, come visit me today over at Empowered Traditionalist!

www.bigfoto.com

If the emotional door to your heart is unlocked, be prepared for a possible break in.

I have heard it said many times that we just cannot help who we fall in love with (or for that matter, fall out of love with). Sometimes it’s not a matter of falling in and out of love, but rather leaving a teeny tiny little space open in the heart that has the potential to allow someone other than our husbands in (perhaps we already have). How do we lock up that space so it is reserved for one man only?

The first thing we must do is cling to these three truths:

1. We can choose who our hearts belong too.
2. We can choose how we act.
3. We can pray and God will help us.

We Can Choose Who Our Hearts Belong Too

God has given us authority over our domains. One of our domains is our hearts. If there is one thing I have learned from following my heart, as opposed to guiding it in wisdom, it is that when I do I usually find myself in a mess. It’s lovely to say, “follow your heart,” but the fact is, our hearts are filled with foolishness.

“He who leans on, trusts in, and is confident of his own mind and heart is a [self-confident] fool, but he who walks in skillful and godly Wisdom shall be delivered.” Proverbs 28:26

If you have or are struggling with your heart being tugged by the memory of someone else (or someone else in reality), know that there is hope. You don’t have to be in shackles; it is possible to train your heart. Keep reading.

We Can Choose How We Act

I am by no means saying that training our hearts is easy (in fact, we can’t do it on our own – more on that later). It can be painful and challenging. It is worth every battle. For me, I have been believing a lie that I could not control my heart or how I would act if I saw someone that might open the floodgates to my heart. I was scared of myself and my emotions. The emotions may come, but the truth is I can control how I act and respond. I can have a plan ahead of time. I can be grounded in the truth.

We Can Pray and God Will Help Us

Oh, I love this! How wonderful that we have a God who cares and wants to help us..heal us. He hears our cries, and if we let Him, he will deliver us from the bondage of having feelings for another man. Prayer is powerful my friend! Sometimes we just need to get alone with God, on our faces, and pray and pray and pray. Sometimes we need a friend or mentor to pray with us and over us. If you are wrestling with feelings for someone other than your husband, do not keep it a secret! Find someone you trust and tell them. You need a battle partner. If God leads you, tell your husband as well.

Abiding in the above three truths will set you on a path to emotional freedom, but there is another truth that I want you to know…and to really believe. The truth that who you are married to is not a mistake. We will delve into that truth tomorrow.

Follow along with the “Ex Prep” series by subscribing here!

I can’t answer all the questions that come along with our spouses being the “right” spouse.

I can say that once we are married (and I’m even more confident if you are a child of God) that your spouse is the “right” one – it is not a mistake.

Do you know what happens when we start thinking in terms of “what if…?” If we start thinking that perhaps the one we are with is a mistake? Do you know what happens to our hearts? They become hard toward our spouse, sometimes slowly, eroding over time so that we don’t even notice until our marriage becomes all but dead. We stop trying. We cling to our independence. We give up…even if know one else knows it.

Matthew 19:3-9

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator `made them male and female,’ and said, `For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

Some of you think you will never divorce your husband, so you’re in the clear. I ask you, what about a divorce of the heart? None of us are immune to it because we are all in a spiritual battle with not only the enemy, but also with our sinful nature.

Ask yourself these questions:

• Do I roll my eyes at my husband when we disagree?
• Do I allow myself to have lingering thoughts about a past love?
• Do I find myself gravitating toward the attention of other men?
• Do I think negative thoughts about my husband and/or our marriage?
• Do I respect my husband?
• Do I trust that God knows what He’s doing with my marriage, no matter how difficult it is?
• Is divorce an option?

A hard heart will destroy a marriage from the inside out – whether you physically divorce or not. God wants us to have soft, hearts ready for molding. You and your spouse are one – God declared it so, and “what God has joined together, let no man separate.”

My friends, it is not a mistake who your spouse is. God will use your marriage to refine both of you, and even more so He will use your marriage to do a good work…His purpose and plans cannot be thwarted. You know what else? He loves you with an everlasting love! He cares for you, and your marriage. He wants you to have a successful marriage!

A Challenge For You!

Go to your husband this very day and ask him if there are any areas in which he feels disrespected or unloved by you. Listen to him. Listen. Then say, “okay, I hear you.” Drop your defenses…be soft. Pray. Do (or stop doing).

Today I am praying throughout the day for all of us to have softer hearts and more tender thoughts towards our husbands. Will you join me in this prayer today?