For me, it’s lemon pound cakes at Starbucks. When I’m feeling stressed or overwhelmed, I self-heal by consuming lemon pound cake and a mocha latte. It’s my fix. And it truly is therapeutic.

Maybe for you it’s chocolate, or wine, or the T.V., or a cigarette, or a fantasy, or the internet. Maybe you go straight to the Bible (fist bump). Most of us, when feeling the weight of life, drown into something because it is an escape, and who doesn’t need an escape every now and then? Escape is good, sometimes, but what if your escape is becoming your gateaway drug to a life of discontentment and covetness?

I remember coming undone for days because of how overwhelmed with life I was. I pretty much had everything I ever wanted (husband, babies, the ability to stay home, etc.), but I was drowning. I was resenting men because they could “go after their dreams” while I had to clean. A seed of bitterness was digging into the tender, hurting places of my heart. I felt torn between feeling “alive” and living fully alive right where I was…even if it felt completely mundane. How is it that a woman who loves her children more than her ability to breathe can feel discontent with her daily life spent caring for them?

I’ll tell you.

We all have been created by a magnificently creative and passionate artist. He not only gave us life, he gave us personalities and dreams and emotions…He imprinted upon our spirits His image. We are artists, every one of us. We have no choice but to long for life. We all want to feel alive. Somewhere along the line many women, many mamas, have succumbed to guilt feelings and shame over their spirits need to live…really live! We have lost touch with who we are, eternal souls yearning to be fully alive…to do and be for the glory of Him whose imprint we bear. Oh yes, there is sacrifice and pain and a curse that we push back daily, but that doesn’t mean we die to life. We die to ourselves so that we can follow the One who knows how to live…who gives LIFE! We die, but we rise to walk with the life-giver! 

My dear sisters, if you have closed your heart to the sun shining into your being for fear of not sacrificing enough or feeling all the “right” feelings, please, please know that you can choose to have integrity and do the good things that God has given you, accepting your portion in life, without aching along as the living dead.

Listen, I get you. I know that your heart burns with something, some passion, but you feel stuck. Might I encourage you to ask the Lord how you can accept your portion from Him with joy? Ask Him to teach you how to dance right where you are.

We don’t need to go and chase dreams to be fully alive. We can chase Him, the dream-giver, the life-giver, the lead dancer. We can learn to dance in the mundane…I promise. You may just need to feel the sand on your toes and the wind in your hair from time to time (in fact, I’m sure of this), but He offers you life right where you are.

Will you accept it or will you try to lead? Remember, He created the dance.

“LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.” Psalm 15: 5-6

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Photo Credit: dancing with myself

I didn’t know how badly I needed help…rest, refreshment, filling…until I was in Colorado last week (I flew out by myself to visit a friend and mentor).

The first night I was there I went to bed early, with no responsilibily, and tucked myself in and breathed. I breathed! I felt like I hadn’t really breathed rest in so long. It was magnificent, to say the least.

And I slept. All night. With no interruption. I had forgotten what that felt like.

All that next morning I was pampered and poured into. Each day brought more of what I needed…what my spirit needed. Emotions came out that I didn’t expect, thoughts and feelings swirled in my heart and around my head and I was able to understand some of the deep parts of my soul that I left undone.

I also found myself for the first time in a long time, alive.

I think something happens to some (most?) moms as life carries on and babies come, somehow we think or forget or something that we need help. I don’t think mothers were supposed to be alone. Yes, most of use have husbands, but we need community and help from other women. We especially need help from those who have gone before us and have the wisdom to teach us, show us, walk alongside us, encourage us, and persevere with us so that we can. We need help.

Moms need help.

If you are a mom with little ones and you need help, would you leave your name or initials in the comments so I can pray for (with) you that help would come into your life? Whether it be a friend or an older woman who can watch your children for a couple hours every other week, or that your husband would be willing to give you a couple hours a week away, or whatever it is you need to breathe again, I want to pray for you! Maybe it’s help around the house, or someone to walk alongside you that is willing to pour goodness and truth and wisdom into your life, what do you need? Let me pray for you.

Because I know you can’t do it well if you’re alone. And I know that many nights you cry just thinking about what the next day holds and how you don’t even know how you’re going to do it. You have forgotten what it’s like to breathe. I know, and I want you to know that you are not alone. God didn’t make us to be in isolation, He made us for community.

I’m praying, friend, and He’s listening.

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Photo Credit: Alive

I do not like to run.

I find it boring and painful {heave heave}.

However, last night I had the most exuberant experience in a dream.

I ran.

Really, it was more like gliding.  And there was no pain in it, just freedom.  I felt wonderful.  As I ran and glided effortlessly down a long road, this verse came to me:

“but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31

I ran, and I thought about heaven, and I thought about the wind on my face as my spirit was not held back by sin infested flesh and bone.

No tired legs.

No twisted ankles.

No gasping for breath.

No side aches.

I just ran.

My new body fit the inside me perfectly.

It was glorious.

Glorious.