Let’s Get Started! Social Media, Behave! Day 1
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The question usually goes something like this: Would you rather have lots of power, lots of money, or lots of fame? The assumption is that these things tickle our fancy and – on our darkest days – motivate our selfish side.
Although my answer is the least practical and I wish I could change it to “money,” it sings out from my inner celebrity: I’d rather have fame. Truly. I would love for everyone to know me and adore me. (Maybe it has something to do with my love language: I’ve got a sweet tooth for affirmation.)
Sometimes I feel like my desire to be “popular” drives my Social Media decisions. I tweet, post, facebook, and email because I want to make you (and all of your friends) smile and say, “She is so great.” I smile all day long when I see that one of my posts has been tweeted and retweeted a couple of dozen times. Although my family members are my #1 fans, when I don’t get my “fame” fix at home, I sit down at the computer and find a handful of readers who think I’m awesome. Of course, I’m not totally corrupt. I often email, blog, facebook, and tweet simply because I want to encourage my friends, connect with my family, and minister to my readers. But I just can’t look you in the eye and say that my motivations are always pure. I’ll be the first to admit that when I am spending far too much time and affection on Social Media, it’s because I’m salivating for a little fame. But after a while, the very thing that brings me a boost, depletes me.
We humans love the taste of things like power, money, and fame. But if we pursue them alone, we’ll die of hard hearts. Maybe this is why so many of us have a sinking feeling about social media – even though we enjoy it and spend lots of time with it. If we’re honest with ourselves about the lurking emptiness, we’ll discover that we’ve been using Social Media to feed a part of our hearts that is meant to be starved. Humans don’t grow well on a diet of power, money, and fame. In fact, we are only ever happy when that part of us is depleted. We’re happiest when we’ve heaped every ounce of power, money, and fame upon Christ.
So what to do?
Well, the solution requires a paradigm shift. Although I could grit my teeth and “try harder” to stop using social media as a quick fix, it wouldn’t get me very far. My resolve would last until next Tuesday, and then I’d be back to spending hours in front of the screen trying to make people like me, while feeling less and less like a human.
What has given me some success is writing out a list of wholesome expectations for my time online: 5 to 10 things I can pursue via Social Media without constructing an idol or indulging in selfishness. The focus on goodness has inherent boundaries and a natural point of satiation. I see this same principle at work when I eat a really good meal. I’m satisfied with small portions and hardly have any room for dessert. On the contrary, I can shove my hand back into a 5-gallon bucket of cheese balls dozens of times, needing more, more, more! We find balance and satisfaction with good online pursuits, while selfish online pursuits lead us only to the dizzying center of the Social Media Vortex.
To keep myself from swooning for Social Media fame, I’ve established some practical expectations for my time online.
I expect Social Media…
* to improve my writing – in technique and essence
* to encourage my readers to love God and other people
* to handle criticism with dignity and grace
* to handle praise with simplicity and humility
* to grow in compassion, wisdom, and discretion
When I’m in Social Media to gain these expectations, I can write one thoughtful post without scrambling on twitter and facebook so that hundreds of people read it and love me. I can just post it. Then I go on with my day, knowing that I’ve already gleaned goodness from my work.
Jump in: Would you rather have lots of power, money, or fame? Do you think your love for one or more of these things ever drives your involvement in Social Media?
To do: Jot down your expectations for Social Media. Tape them to your computer screen so that you can remember why you’re online. (Of course, we’d love to peek over your shoulder! Share your thoughts in the comments or link a post.)
Join in! Link-up!
Join us tomorrow for Day 2!
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You can learn a whole lot more by downloading Blogger Behave: Make your blog benefit your life so you can love both! You can also subscribe to my blogs: 10 Million Miles (click here to subscribe) and TheHomeschoolBaby.com (click here to subscribe). You can also subscribe to Like a Warm Cup of Coffee by clicking here (or email, here). Happy behaving!
Hard, convicting truth. Excellent post!
I love it! I love the idea of writing down those reasons and posting them up! One thing that has really helped me as I step back into blogging is the vision statement that I wrote before I started. It helps me to stay focused when I am tempted to stray from the reasons that I started in the first place. Here it is: "To use my story and my words to bring glory to Jesus Christ, to use blogging as my way to make art for the glory of His name, and to encourage and inspire moms in their job of mothering."
Thanks so much girlies! Loving it Laura!
I love your vision statement, Joy. And you seem to keep it so well. And your comment is so applicable because we'll actually be writing vision statements THIS WEEK! I'll try to remember to reference back to this.
I've never quite thought of it that way, but the "fame" thing really fits. Thanks for the wonderful tips and sharing your struggles. "Words of affirmation" is my primary love language too, and for a people pleaser that is potentially a scary thing! My list will include encouraging others (one of my spiritual gifts) and increased prayer life for others…. not sure about the others yet. Thanks for this wonderful post!
I absolutely love your blog and have from the first one I received. As far as social media is concerned I
was absolutely addicted at one time. That was until the Lord revealed this was taking His time away.
I had my account(s) expunged and plunged back into prayer and His presence and never looked
back. I will never let something again interfere with my prayer life and time with Him.
Wow! What a testimony of taking a hard road! You chose the better one.
☺ <—- this is me. See me sitting here, smiling and saying, "That Laura Booz… she's so great!"
cuz you are! Thanks for all you are doing. This social media infant really, really appreciates this good stuff you're sharing. Looking forward to Day 2 already!
:) Thanks, Diane. How'd you know? :)
Aww,,, well, you know, I'm just really perceptive and junk. I think it's my spiritual gift;-)
This is great, and I'm so looking forward to continuing this journey with you. I think power would be the biggest motivator for me. I love to influence, and I believe that influencing others is a gift from God. However, just like many other gifts, Satan tries to pervert what God has called "good". Therefore, I end up longing for a person to say how much my words, or actions have changed their lives…not good. It needs to be Christ in me, because Kim is dead, but alive in Him. Recently, I wrote about how I almost gave up blogging for this very reason. I was spending so much time, and I thought I was having too little results. But the Lord gave me a scripture, and then showed it to me in action, in a very surprising way. The title of this blog post is Painting Grace Graffiti or How I Almost Quit Blogging.. I've provided a link here. Thank you again for your transparency on this post! http://journeytoepiphany.wordpress.com/2011/11/21…
Thanks Sarah! I'm really excited about this series!!
Thank you for being so transparent. It totally sneaks up on me to want fame…to be liked, accepted. I have to close my laptop and get with God again and again and again. He reminds me why He asked me to start writing in the first place.
Weekends off the social networks help me to refocus and realign my priorities in people and things. Without it I’m a complete wreck! Okay, a monster!!!
Thank you Laura. You have me looking forward to the rest of this series. My soul hungers.
Jeri Taira´s last [type] ..{Gratitude} ~ Almost All Tapped Out
Jeri Taira´s last [type] ..{Gratitude} ~ Almost All Tapped Out
I just bipped over and read your post about the encouragement you received to continue blogging. I loved reading about how other bloggers held you up and reminded you about your value to blogging. Thanks for sharing that… I hope that other readers click over and find some encouragement, too.
thanks for your authenticity. It is both refreshing and compelling. I recently wrote about social media being a tool or idol, so I can totally relate.
Oh Laura I am so excited for this week! It is so important that we are living a life of devotion to God and our families, and not to our blogs or the internet. It has been a struggle for me to find a consistent schedule, but I finally put it all together and typed it out. I have another friend who has done the same thing and we hold each other accountable! It works great! I am a socialite and would love to spend my time online chatting with everyone all of the time so that is why a schedule and an accountability partner was crucial for me. Thank you again for this series! I will be doing all of the challenges, and to-do's with you! I look forward to the week ahead. Blessings, Ruth
It's so great to see you here, Ruth. I love the idea of a hard-copy schedule AND an accountability partner. I find that when I have "computer time" scheduled into my day, I use it more wisely AND I shed the guilt that I typically feel otherwise. We'll be tackling time-management on Wednesday… I hope you'll share your details then?
I am on a forced break being on my second week of bronchitis. Would love to know how you did your schedule, Ruth!
Wow! I felt like I was reading about myself… except I had never realized it before. I totally look for fame in Social Media! I feel good about myself when a post on Facebook get lots of comments… and now that I think about it, I feel bad about myself when I post and I don't get any comments. Lots of good stuff to think about! And as a newer blogger, this is just what I need to be thinking through.
Well then I'm delighted that you're joining us! May God bless you as you figure out the best way to proceed.
Very timely message for me! I am a new blogger and have found myself online a little more than I have originally intended. There are so many friendly comments, encouraging blogs to read and tweaking of my writing to do but right now my #1 priority is my 10 month old so I really need boundaries. I’m going to use your idea of posting on my computer. I’m going to post: is baby asleep? Are you being productive? Is there something IRL that you should be doing now? :)
Christen´s last [type] ..Lemon Grilled Chicken Breasts
Christen´s last [type] ..Lemon Grilled Chicken Breasts
Ooo, those are great questions, Christen. One way or the other, it just helps to remind ourselves about what we really do love and how we really do want to spend our time. I love this idea about asking ourselves the difficult questions… it's a form of accountability, you know?
Great questions, Laura. I definitely know it is not money, as my website/blog costs me more than I make off it and I've never pursued that option. Power? Well, I do love to be in charge. I also like to influence others, especially for Christ. But I wouldn't say I'm after power. Fame? Hmm. Yes, like you, I want to be liked, but I don't think I've mastered social media to make it work to fill my needy affirmation hole.
Honestly, I think my struggle is that I so desperately want to share More to Be with others — all the material God has enabled me to produce for my in real life ministry — that I get consumed by online opportunities to spread the word to the detriment of real life needs and responsibilities. Then I am frustrated by all that is left undone in the home and family, while not really seeing the fruit online. It is a vicious cycle! My heart is in a good place, initially, but then it gets ugly when I feel like the time investment doesn't add up.
Boundaries in how I spend my time along with a broader vision of what God is doing on His time table is what I need to keep in putting in place, in order to make social media and online ministry behave.
By His Grace,
Lisa http://www.moretobe.com
Thanks for your insights, Lisa. I think you're right: often we do start off with good motivations that go bad. That's why it's so important to keep focused on those good (and reasonable) expectations that will keep things moving well. As for the time investment… we'll tackle that on Wednesday. I hope you'll weigh in then with your insights! :)
I love this Laura!
Oh, MY! THANK YOU for this post today…you hit my nail right on the head <3
Wow. Exactly what I've been thinking on for the past few weeks. Great post!
Thanks so much for your honesty, Laura! I'm looking forward to this series. Hmm, I guess I'd say money would be most appealing to me. I'm not interested in power (what would I use it for??) or fame (I am more of a behind the scenes type of gal). Hmm, though I did feel convicted when you mentioned how we sometimes post things to get affirmation. I have found that to be true with my blog. If I don't get any comments for a while, I start to wonder why I'm even blogging!
I choose money because I'd love to be done in our quest to be debt free. And, of course, be able to give more.
I started to say that I don't think my (over) use of social media is related to my desire for money, but then I started thinking about the time I spend entering giveaways. I have won quite a few, but the truth is, I don't even want most of the items! I enter a lot of the giveaways so I can sell the items, to, you guessed it, get more money!
I was excited to see that you are running this series for many reasons! I’m actually on a “blogging break” because I felt like I needed to step back and evaluate my motivations and desires…I inherently only want to be blogging for good reasons, the right reasons…and, as I shared with readers on my blog, I felt like I was getting more caught up in feeling like I needed to compete with everyone else’s posts, and tweets, etc. etc. It started to all feel a bit overwhelming… unlike when I started blogging and I was doing it simply because I LOVED it! AND like some of the others here, I started getting frustrated that I wasn’t getting things done at home
I loved Laura’s book that you reference (Blogger Behave), read it shortly after I started my break and it was a great tool to encourage me where I was…also, love this idea of writing goals and posting them on my computer…will do that as well!!!
to read more about my reasons behind my “blogging break” (if anyone else is in the same place)…feel free to check them out here…
http://www.littlewritermomma.com/2011/11/cleaning…
Looking forward to reading more on this challenge!! Thanks Sarah!
Thank you for offering your story, Lisa. I'll stop over and read it. I'm sure it will encourage many other readers here.
I can relate to you! I’m. On a break too, I think these are necessary for refocus and refreshing our brains and goals.
Lauren´s last [type] ..12 Days of Handmade Christmas: Day 8 – Colouring and Games
Lauren´s last [type] ..12 Days of Handmade Christmas: Day 8 – Colouring and Games
I really couldn't have said it ANY better! This post could have been written from the very core of my heart strings. I LOVE you for writing this and talking about this.
I echo your suggestions!
Love,
Traci @ Ordinary Inspirations http://www.ordinaryinspirations.blogspot.com
Oh, Laura… Just when I thought your book ~ Blogger Behave ~ couldn't be topped! This series will surely give it a run for it's money.
As I read today, I felt as though I could have typed your very words. If I'm to be honest, truly transparent as you, blogging for "fame" has reared its ugly head more times than I'd like to admit. I'm a words of affirmation girl, too, and the feedback I receive feeds ME.
I'm totally convinced God has called me to write. I must, however, not allow my personal need for satisfaction through tweets, FB shares, comments, etc… trump what He's asking of me and my family. Imbalance must not be tolerated by HIM or those I love.
So thankful I was introduced to you at Relevant '11. I'm blessed by your authentic, transparent heart.
So excited for this series!!!
Stefanie,
I'm so glad to see you here. Thank you for your transparent thoughts, too. I always love hearing from you.
I am so glad to have found your post through Grace Full Mama'a blog. I have had a vision to encourage women in their daily quiet time, to encourage them to "be in the Word' and develop a close walk with the Lord. I was encouraged by many friends to share what I was writing for my small group with a larger audience and eventually that led to blogging. Oh, how I see myself in your comments about wanting fame. How many times would I run to the computer to see if there were any comments and to check the stats for how many visits. I stopped writing about a year ago when I lost heart for it all. I acknowledged to the Lord then how much I was struggling with this all being about me, being "liked" by others, and how the desire for others approval was trumping God. I went back to my blog just last week. This time the Lord had laid it on my heart to find a couple of accountability partners to pray for me, for the purpose of the blog, and to keep me on task with it and my own daily quiet time. I love your suggestions for how to keep from "swooning for social media fame." I am adding that to my "to do" list for today. The Lord is really impressing upon me about being intentional with blogging this time- intentional about how I approach it, how I use it, and how connected to it I am going to be. I am looking forward to reading more from you this week as I lay out my plan my blog. Thank you!
Laura–this is wonderful. Wonderful for being transparent & wonderful for calling truth to Social Media. I am like you in the fame department, always have been. And when my heart is not in the right place, then my desire for fame leaches over to power & jealously. All of these lead to anxiety & fear. Ultimately, blogging & social media for me is a discipline. When I have spent too much time on it & continued trying to get people to come to read what "I" have written, my soul feels like it over ate on junk food. I feel like I've been feeding on a diet of chocolate & chips, not nourishing. And I never get that time back.
Rather, it's the discipline for me to become very cognizant of where I'm seeking my affirmation. When I know my fulfillment & affirmation "needs" to come from friends or readers, then I haven't been seeking my good, good Father's words for me. There was a day when I was thinking about how all I needed was more comments, and I can still hear the truth spoken to me from God, "Kamille, when would you be content? How many comments do you need to be fulfilled? What I think of you is enough."
I guess that's what drives me. There are days when I get off course. I still can get frustrated or wonder why I'm doing this. Thank you Laura again for sharing.
"Although I could grit my teeth and “try harder” to stop using social media as a quick fix, it wouldn’t get me very far."
Thank you for a candid post that gives a balanced and beautiful solution to the social media dilemma. My own rule of thumb is no more time online than I spend face to face with real people. If I spend three hours this week teaching my little gal how to bake, sew, or keep her room organized, I get three hours to work on her blog. If I get together with a friend (or two or three) for a cup of coffee or a walk, I earn time for facebook. It's worked well for me so far, but I particularly appreciated the list you gave to remind us of the "why" behind social media for daughters of the King!
This, too, is a fantastic way of evaluating your time online. It encourages intentionality, and I always like that! :)
Laura! What a fantastic post. I love your humility and transparency in sharing what's in your heart. Its beautiful. I think you did a good job of naming this sin that can entangle our time spent online — so many of us get hooked in but have a hard time naming what it is, or at least I feel like I do. Thank you.
Wow Laura – I love your transparency and powerful insights!! I'm in the midst of a big life transition after we adopted a little girl from Ethiopia and feeling called to cut back on speaking and minister more through writing and blogging. Still trying to find the balance.
I get pulled between wanting to connect with others (since I work from home), wanting to make a difference in women's lives, and wanting to be known for something valuable – that can be seen. I know loving my family is the most valuable ministry I have, but sometimes I feel invisible.
Like you, my love language is also words of affirmation and they make my heart soar with a sense of purpose and value. But what you shared satisfying our hungers with healthy food so we can stop eating and not even really have room for what's not healthy makes so much sense. Lots to think about! I want to post some good questions on my computer and write a mission statement for my online ministry, and find a friend for accountability who is in a similar season of life and ministry.
Thanks so much for sharing. Really encouraged my heart today!
Excellent advice! It is all too easy to get absorbed in checking blog responses and hits. I guess it is only natural for us to want someone to read our words and feel some level of inspiration from them. You are so right, though, about that not being a healthy source of needed affirmation.
What a great post ~ thanks for sharing. I've been blogging now since 2008 & have struggled at times as to what my correct motives were, but ultimately I keep coming back to the reasons I began blogging ~ to give glory to God & to keep our family & friends who live days away updated on our happenings. In fact I wrote a post about it last August http://sunnysidefun.blogspot.com/2011/09/why-do-y…
I look forward to the continuation of your series!
Have a wonderful day
Blessings
Renata:)
Thank you so much for sharing this. It is so true. I struggle with the want of ALL of it in some area of my life but blogging can definitely become an area to puff myself up and speak out my opinions rather than God's truth.
I have to choose to blog through the Holy Spirit. If it isn't Spirit led then it quickly turns to rubbish. I have to continuously check myself and listen to the Holy Spirit's promptings to what I feel like writing and really should be written.
This is an topic that needs to be regularly and personally addressed or it can totally get out of control. I think anything that we love or enjoy doing is susceptible to the negative side.
As I asked myself what my drive in social media is, I couldn't say fame. Although I think wanting and/or having lots of followers or subscribers can be a major trap (since that is the fame aspect), for me, I think the dangerous or dark side of social media is finding security or safety there. Like it's a type of refuge.
If not careful, it can become a means of escape from reality. Or, at least MY reality. That's not what it's intended for. My goal shouldn't be to see who's affirmed me, but whom I can affirm. It's not only about what I have to offer, but recognizing and encouraging what other people have to offer–and sharing it with others so they may benefit.
My spiritual gift is also encouragement–but sometimes my security is found in the online space in forms of encouragement and praise.
I don't think these things are bad–but they can be if we don't keep them in their place. I do believe God uses people to encourage us and affirm us and it is GOOD. And we must turn back to the one Who gives these good gifts and praise HIM and rest in HIM. Allow that encouragement and affirmation to take you FAR before seeking out more.
Does that make any sense to anyone but me?! lol
Thanks for such a wonderful series, Laura!
Christin,
Yes! This makes so much sense. Thank you for your thoughts. I know exactly what you mean by the "escape"… When the days are tough and long, I have to intentionally set a boundary when I want to turn to the computer instead of to the Lord in prayer. Thank you for bringing that up.
Laura,
Well I definitely fall into the category of "fame". I love people and love response. To tame my social media time I have had to look at the "why" behind what I do. My true heart motivation. My mission statement for being online is to glorify the Lord, Encourage and Inspire others. However I have learned that I don't have to be the only ONE to do that, but to engage when I can, and when it works out. There are many other encouragers out there, so I am all about thinking of my social media as a catalyst to bring about a message of hope along with many other bloggers online. I now only blog or engage online when my family's needs are met first. I feel so at peace since making this decision.
This is a great idea, and necessary. I started a craft blog about a year ago because I loved the community, and I thought it would force me to be more creative, since I don't craft as much as I'd like to. But you know what happened… it began to be about the numbers, about how many people were visiting my blog. So about 2 months ago I stepped back and lightened the pressure on myself, and in doing so, discovered Christian bloggers who share their walk in their posts. What a blessing! So I am discovering a whole new way to incorporate God into my life and wow, is it awesome!
I definitely fall into the fame category. It creeps up on me. Before it gets out of hand I close my laptop and get back with God. I do it over and over again. Weekends off the social networks and email help immensely. It's a blessing He has me do this. Realigns me.
My list:
1) To get better at writing for Him
2) To get better at writing itself
3) To see words as living and breathing
4) To relate on a everyday level
5) Most of all to share the gifts of His joys and wonders in my everyday
Thank you for your words of encouragement!
Here is my post: http://adayinthelifeofraisingsixmunchkins.blogspo…
I appreciate your honesty! Great post and as a new blogger I’m going to use your idea of taping my goals to the computer!
Fame for me too! Sometimes I just have this fear of not being significant. Praying I'll know I just need to be His.
But, I wouldn't mind if blogging could bring in some kind of income one day too…
Thanks Laura for expanding your ebook into this series….I believe it's what so many of us women need. I actually fall inbetween fame and money. I think we aim to provide and we want to be loved, when of course both of those things can be provided by the Lord.
This has been such a wake up call for me and I cannot wait to keep reading each day this week!
Whew! Those are some serious questions – and ones I need to really contemplate. I totally get the "fame" desire – that acknowledgement and recognition that I used to get in a job outside my home… Ouch! Thanks for these challenging questions – need to go sit and write them out!