I completely understand how one becomes addicted to a substance.
For me, if I were to indulge myself, that would probably be alcohol. I assume this because my mother is an alcoholic. I vowed never to be like her.
But I am.
I am like her. I’m like the her before she took the drink. I’m tired. I don’t know how to live my life. I’m overwhelmed. I love my children intensely. I have no idea, some days, how on earth I am going to parent them.
It would be easy to start with a glass of wine. A little something to numb the mundane of life.
Because I’m just so tired.
My spirit is that of a ragamuffin. I will never have it “together”…and I’ll never pretend to. In the words of Moses, I’m not eloquent of speech. I wonder why God is using me for His glory when there are so many better than I to use. But that is not really here nor there. The point is,
I’m not going to drink.
Or numb out with whatever.
I’m just going to be tired. I’m going to just walk, slowly, one day at a time as the Spirit makes me holy.
My hands are up.
All is grace.
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification…” 1 Thessalonians 4:3
Photo: My mom and me