One more push of the snooze button and I’ll get up. I made a promise to my husband that the first thing I would do in the morning is shower because I hadn’t for three days.
6am and I pull my bones out of bed and tip toe around wood-floor creaks, slowly easing my way towards the bathroom. I never use my husbands shower, but since it’s downstairs and I’m desperate not to wake the little ones I use it. “Which way do I turn the faucet so it gets hot?” I complain to myself. Cold, cold, and no C or H. Finally the water heats up and I allow myself to relax (even though I know at any moment my four year old son could come groggily in looking for cuddles – he’s the early bird in our family). I think to myself, “why don’t I shower more? I know I’m tired, and my time is so limited to myself, but seriously, this is bad.” Then I remember why I stopped “scheduling” showers.
I always fail.
As I stood under warm wet drops, I realized that I had given up on so much more than showering, I had given up on pursuing my ideals. I had given up even trying.
Life got hard and long and mundane, and every failure led to depletion in my spirit. Somewhere along the line of seven years with husband and babies and dishes and laundry I unknowingly gave up. I’d been believing the enemy, the liar of the generations, that whispers, “you will never change.”
How foolish that I’ve believed the defeated one instead of the risen One!
I know I will fail – I’ve got a swarm of sin-bacteria buzzing through my spirit – but I have someone to stand in the gap when I do. I have someone changing me from the inside out. I’ve got a new heart and a pure spirit under this skin eating away that sin-bacteria. I have God in me.
“And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” Ezekial 36:26, ESV
If you are like me and you feel weary and worn and like giving up most days, will you choose with me today to keep going? To not give up, no matter how many times you (we) fall? To push through the lies and grasp for the truth (even in the dark)?
Jesus has got our back. We’ve already won.
Let’s do this.
“Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.” Galatians 6:9, NASB
“…it is good for the heart to be strengthened by grace.” Hebrews 13:9, ESV
“With all this going for us, my dear, dear friends, stand your ground. And don’t hold back. Throw yourselves into the work of the Master, confident that nothing you do for him is a waste of time or effort..” 1 Corinthians 15:58, MSG
Photo Credit: In the Shower