The Verdict is in: Homeschooling is Hard
”The only way to make in this homeschooling life is to reach for God instead of reaching for happiness.” Sally Clarkson, Seasons of A Mother’s Heart
It finally hit me: just because I want to do something doesn’t make it easy.
Duh, right?
Well, it was a news flash for me. I figured that if I loved [the idea] of something enough, it would just work itself out with rainbows and butterflies. Yes, I drank the Kool-Aid.
Just like I finally gave in and was honest with myself about motherhood – the fact that is so stinkin’ hard to raise up and train kiddos even though I always wanted to do it – I am finally coming to grips with the reality that homeschooling is going to be a significant amount of HARD. Work. Sacrifice. And discipline.
What was I expecting, anyway? Oh yea, rainbows and butterflies.
However, my hopes are not dashed because even though my ideals are laughing at me right now, my goal isn’t about making myself happy (although at times that sure is nice), it’s about reaching my children’s heart for God. My husband and I believe that God has called *our* family to reach our children’s hearts by homeschooling…so we’re rollin’ with it. Honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Okay, that’s not entirely true. I’d love to have a substitute once a week for about three hours so I could hang out at Starbucks.
Oh, and before you pray that I would have joy in my struggles (no wait, do pray for that, PLEASE), I think I need to make it clear that I do enjoy being with my babes. They are hysterical. And beautiful. And completely interesting. I also think it’s pretty cool to be the one teaching them.
Do you ever have homeschool hyperventilation? (Before you even begin first-grade?!)
Homeschool Resources I Love:
Educating the WholeHearted Child, by Clay and Sally Clarkson
Heartfelt Discipline, by Clay Clarkson (my number one recommended resource for discipline – yes, it’s out of print, but keep looking. I scored a copy for $20)
This summer we will be enjoying the intertwining of reading and art by using the Veritas Press Phonics Museum, which is up for grabs for free today over at Raising Homemakers.
Have you read Charlotte Mason? The more I read, the more I LOVE. The easier my homeschooling life becomes. The more I LOVE my children and the more they LOVE learning. The better our days our.
The best thing I've learned is that with the ten years and under crowd, less is more. You still have many years to be structured and devote to a rigourous curriculum if you choose. The best thing you can do for them now is to teach them to love learning.
I had to become a Charlotte Mason influenced almost unschooler, but I've found peace and happiness in homeschooling. I hope you can find peace too, one way or another.
I love your blog, and am a fan. Keep up the good work, and may God richly bless your efforts!
Excellent post, Hannah!
I totally agree. We went with nature journals, LOTS of outside time, science, field trips, library, you name it! Tons of music, play dates, church activities, clubs, and connection with friends during our children's younger years. Praise God for that!
Haha, couldn't agree more! I have a 5 y.o. and, although we did pre-K last year, this is my first official year of homeschooling. I don't hyperventilate so much about the curriculum becasue we use Little Hearts for His Glory (and LOVE it!). My struggle is keeping on schedule and making it a priority to get school done before I head off in five other directions.
I understand completely. I have been homeschooling for over ten years and it doesn't get easier. And, honestly, if I had any other choice (I live in a village in Eastern Europe), I might not homeschool any more. It's tough. It's exhausting. And some days, I REALLY want to get away from the children (the teens, especially).
But I hold on. For them. For their education. For their future. For their here-and-now.
It's not for me; it's for them.
This is just my second year of homeschooling, and I have had moments like you are describing. At times, I feel like I would be ready to put them in the public school system. But here, it is either homeschool or boarding school several countries away.
Of course, there are the other times where things go smoothly, everyone is able to focus, we sit outside and read books, etc.
Thank you for the give away tip and these words. I want rainbows and butterflies too :)
I've been homeschooling for 9 years and I still have those days…sometimes weeks! This is a tough time of year for most hs-ers because we've been cooped up working, working, working. Burn out is a real phenomenon.
I once heard a recommendation at a homeschool convention that you should buy the cd of the really AWESOME talks/seminars you loved so you can listen to them in Feb/March when you are burnt out …sort of a battery re-charge.
God is faithful. He gets us through each season if we seek him in earnest.
We are facing down the giant of high school planning for our oldest daughter right now. Talk about hyper-ventilation! But it's so amazing to have discussions with her about what SHE wants to learn/do/use for materials. I love seeing how God is growing my children's interests as they mature into young people who want to please Him first.
Enjoy the high points with giddy excitement and always remember the lows are temporary valleys and we don't walk them alone.
Blessings on the journey~
Homeschooling is hard. Been there, done that. Made it through. I enjoyed it. Sometimes hated it. Glad I did it. Was very blessed to have been my 3 sons teacher along with my wonderful husband of almost 35 years. And mostly the wonderful grace of God. He taught me patience and many other things. Too many to count. My sons are 30, 28, 26 now. 2 are married. 1 has 2 sons. They are all great men. Not perfect. They learned honest, hard work, respect, to love God and nature. I have been so blessed.
Oh Sarah Mae this made me smile. It is so hard. It is laying down your life every day. I have learned that I have as much as them to learn – maybe more. No one told me that. No one mentioned that each day I would battle with living this laid down life. But
Homeschooling is very hard at times. I've been at it for 10 years. My first year, when my oldest was in K, she had a 5 year old sis and 2 year old twins siblings. The next year we added a newborn. Thus, those early years of homeschooling my oldest two, I worried they weren't getting enough because of the little siblings. Then a wise mom of 11 told me, "Remember, your oldest are not your only students!" So true. The preschoolers are homeschooled too and they are not to be "made busy" so you can "teach" the school aged children. It is a balancing act indeed! As the children get older, it gets easier in some ways and much, much harder in others. My recommendation is to cut out as many nonessentials from your schedule as possible but protect date night and a girls night out at least monthly. Also, remember you can't do it alone. Especially as the children become older, it becomes harder to meet the social/academic needs of everyone. I don't even try. If a co-op or friend has a gift for a certain subject and offers their services, I take advantage. In turn, I've taught composition classes for several years. If God has called you to it, He will see you through!
We are in the same season, my friend!! That quote pierced thru my heart! When I began or really right before I began schooling my oldest, I had this "fluffy" idea of homeschooling. Well, that fluff has been de-fluffed!! Reality has set in, and it IS HARD WORK! Despite the hardships, I still love it and wouldn't trade it for the world!
But 3 hours at Starbucks sure sounds nice!!
I completely understand. :) Been homeschooling for 5 years and our youngest is now PreK…love it, thankful for it, but there are days that I about have a meltdown. :)
Love my Sally Clarkson books and thank the Lord for my wonderful friends {and Jesus} who keep me sane, balanced and going in the right direction with their encouragement each day just when I need it.
I am so absolutely excited and terrified about beginning our home educating with our son. I am overwhelmed by how many resources there are and the cost of them. I truly appreciate helpful recommendations like yours on something really useful and awesome that we can hope to get in the future. Thanks so much for entering me and for the link to veritaspress! Husband wants to check it out, too!
I had that freak out this year. My son is in ninth grade at home. Latin and Algebra were crushing us. I just had to thank God that at least the other subjects were more self-taught. We ended up with different Latin curriculum and the Algebra eventually was mastered. BTW, now, I even get to sneak out for a ladies lunch once in a while, while the boys are home working on their lessons.
So funny! "Homeschool hyperventilation"
I laugh because I can so relate! And I only have a 4 year old and a 6 month old! We have just made the decision to homeschool while all of my dearest friends are sending their kids to pre k and/or kinder. So, my being the only homeschooler in my circle of friends has left me a little bit scared, doubtful, and yes, a little worried. AND HE IS ONLY IN PRE K! I know once we get rolling and meet other homeschoolers I will begin to feel more normal, but for now, I am trusting that this desire was a God-given desire and I am going with it…frightening as it is.
thank you for the honesty. i am contemplating it. i am not contemplating it for our youngest…they will go to PS. our oldest are in PS. i amm thinking of bringing home our oldest next year. he will be in 4th. i'm quite scared. i think a lot of homeschoolers do make it seem like it's marshmellow fluff. i experienced that with adoption too. no one likes to talk about the reality that it is very very hard. but hard doesn't make it wrong.
i will say this as encouragement….it is very hard having your kids in brick and mortar school too. we have homework woes. we spend lots of time reteaching. there are many tears because they've already been in school all day. so if you do choose to send your kids to school (private or public) it doesn't take away all of the hardness of raising a kiddo. in someways, i think homeschooling will make our lives easier and less complicated!
Wow… is homeschooling ever hard! This is our first year and I love it as much as I hate it! The hardest part for us is getting my son to sit down and do his work. He's so distractable and its hard for him to differentiate between play time and actual work time. But we love being the ones teaching him in all areas and allowing our values to be poured into him and not the worlds values. Hugs and lots of patience sent to you… Could you send some back my way?! ;-)
What about rainbow colored butterflies that fly you to Starbucks?(….dreamy! )Don't enter me in the the give-away, I just wanted to throw in my two cent's. Cirriculum Advice by Victoria Botkin is a must for any homeschooler. Also, we homeschool year-round. This helps for the hard days. If people are sick or you want to pull your hair out, schooling year-round allows for flexability. To hold myself accountable, I keep a calendar just for homeschool and write down what we do each day. This shows me what I acomplished. Co-ops are great for the kids too! Thanks for sharing!
It seems to be perfect timing for your post. today, being MOnday was going to b my "let's get seriuos about this" day :)
My kids are 5, 4, 2 1/2 and another coming in 2 months. Our church has a school, Pre school-highschool, but private school tuition for 4 kids back to back…no way! Thankfully God has opened up a new door of a homeschooling/school program through them as well. 3 mornings a week they meet with the other homeschoolers for science, history art and music. The classes are taught by the teachers and moms. The rest of the curriculum is up to me. We will begin in Sept for my oldest. As for now, workbooks and crafts are the norm, but even that gets put on the back burner because "life" works it's way in. I am praying for discipline for me and patience for my kids as we all figure out how to do this.
thanks for the encouragement! good luck to you! -Melissa
I heard a lecture from Paul Tripp this week, and he said something like, "God isn't as concerned about making you happy as He is about making you holy."
That wouldn't be my first choice!
Sometimes it seems like I'm the only dad who homeschools. Or at least makes comments on homeschool blogs.
I tend to "hyperventilate" when we don't stay on schedule. My wife teaches math and english to our kids, and primarily teaches our K and Pre boys. I teach history and science to our 3rd and 6th grade girls, and will start some science with our older Kindergarten son when he starts 1st grade. My wife doesn't have scheduling problems.
But I work full time as a youth minister, and can't stay at home like she does. That means sometimes my teaching schedule has to go out the window. Times like that really make me frustrated.
I just have to stop and make myself think that it's really not about what's convenient for my schedule.
Thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one who feels overwhelmed at times.
Yes, it is very hard! I have had seasons of burnout due to health problems and other issues and times when I have seriously contemplated sending our dear ones off to public school just because I felt so defeated and our lives so imbalanced. You know what, though? God keeps getting us through.
Sally and Clark's homeschool book is one I have returned to again throughout the last nine years as well as The Charlotte Mason companion.
Also, we need rainbows and butterflies moments of inspiration that help give us a renewed vision!
So don't give those up completely. If nothing else, you can always translate them into an art class and paint lots of both in celebration of spring~! :D
Oh gosh, I could have written this post! I sooo understand! It definitely takes major commitment and sacrifice day after day after day. And yes, it's worth it. But we have to fully embrace. We just have to, or we're going to be miserable. It's not that i don't want to home school. It's exactly as you said: I thought it would be easier. Yea, funny, huh? I need to learn to accept that everything (most things) in this life are NOT easy.
I need to let go of my own agenda: http://joyfulmothering.net/2010/09/29/cutting-dow…
Even today I'm struggling with just letting blogging for the day because I have so much going on. I must remember to keep blogging in perspective and put it in it's place. It cannot take precedence over my children, homeschooling, or my home. Today, I must let it go.
Homeschooling can be challenging sometimes, but I think alot of times we make it more difficult than it has to be. Especially in the younger years. I would reccommend Raymond and Dorothy Moore's books, which encourage you to just let kids be kids and not worry about them getting everything too early.(which is really more of a public school mindset anyway!) From someone who was homeschooled my entire 12+ years of school and who is now teaching my own kids, I can almost guarantee you that they'll learn what they need to even if it's not until they're older! And if you can truly grasp that concept it takes such a load off of you in feeling like you aren't doing enough or worrying that they're not getting it. Just raising small children and trying to train them right is a big enough job without stressing over homeschooling as well!! So take a big breath (which will help with the hyperventilating. lol) and give yourself a break……I promise the kids will be fine without the perfect curriculum, schedule, etc at this age! :-)
4 years into homeschooling, there are moments where I still just want to escape to Starbucks… LOL
Yet, the days which far outnumber the hard are the ones that are saturated with learning that breaks through… Days where, we discuss the happenings in history, the whys and hows of nature, the reading of some marvelous literature. And somehow- those days just ease away the tension that the others can leave behind.
Stick with it- once you're into it knee deep- the waters begin to settle abit :)
The most wonderful thing about the "hard" work of home schooing is the countless wonders of learning you have the chance to experience in and with your child….the twinkle in their eyes when they discover something new. It does require work and effort, but it is not a HEAVY burden to carry. "Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." What a terrific promise! If we are walking in HIS will for us, the task at hand isn't burdensome. Keep reading Seasons…It is FANTASTIC…I read it once a year :)
Sarah Mae,
We just started looking into homeschooling our little ones ( 26 months, 10 months and I'm 20 weeks pregnant). I loved this website and it has given me a lot of ideas of for what to do now. Thought I'd share! http://confessionsofahomeschooler.blogspot.com/
Susan
Thank you for your "new" insight. No, it's not new or really too profound, but I really needed to hear this today!! You could also substitute "homeschooling" with "mothering". A good reminder for this occupation as well! Thank you!
Yes, it's hard – but it's sooooo worth it!!!
Oh, I so understand! I now see why the Lord led us to homeschool – to refine me and teach me to depend on Him. – In addition to leading our children's hearts, of course. I just quoted Mr. Clarkson from that book on my blog Quotes for a Mother's Heart. Wise words!
As a mom who never imagined I would still be learning at home with my middle/high schoolers , I say a hearty amen to the advice of Tyra, Hannah, and others who say the littler ones don't need so much school as nurture of their wonder and desire to experience the world. I know the pressure is great when your friends have their kids in pre-school and formal education settings. My biggest mistake was too much too soon and not following my kids leading. I read the Moores book, and knew of Charlotte Mason but didn't follow much of their advice. Really, there is plenty of time for formal learning. Read to your children, include them in your daily routine, expose them to great art and music,enjoy nature together,delve into what they are interested in, love them, teach them about God and the Christian life. Have fun with your children! They are learning all the time…..
Visiting from (in)courage to say that I've had several of these "duh" moments recently. The phonic curriculum that we plan on using with our twins just came in, and as I'm going through it to learn how to teach it in the fall I find myself thinking, "What did I get myself into?"
But then I remember that I love being with my kids and teaching them, that God has called me and equipped me to do this GINORMOUS task, and, well, one day, one moment at a time!
Oh you mean like me who hasn't even started yet and has moments of pure panic that I am going to completely screw my kids up…. yup. I'm terrified!
SOOOO can relate to this!
Thank you…
And I only homeschool on Tuesdays and Thursdays…
Can't tell ya how many times I've taken a break, hiding in my bathroom….praying to reclaim patience.
Love your honesty! Not sure yet if God would have our family homeschool for the long run, but next year we're keeping everybody home… I really appreciate hearing your heart and gleaning from your experience and resources. Thank you for blessing me today with this :)
Your quirky sense of humor and powerful heart-thoughts blessed me in a very special way this a.m. Thank you!
After 8 years of homeschooling, I've come to realize that the first and most important subject I teach my children is Disciplined Perseverance. Which is so NOT the rainbows and butterflies I once envisioned, either! But we frequently have those sparkly, new puppy moments when they l.o.v.e. something they're working on and the load lightens.
How sweet SM. Yes it is very hard and daunting, yet so rewarding. I remember the tears of pain and joy and the realization of it all. One thing I know for certain is that when God calls us to a task He equips us. I remember the first time I tried teaching Latin. I didn't fully understand a particular section and had lamented over it throughout the night, sitting at the dinner table alone. I remember telling God, "Lord I'm just going to say it the way I understand it." As I was up at the board explaining to the children as I was explaining that particular section the "aha" entered and I got it! Right there when I needed it. Tears of joy flowed down my face and my children just sat there wondering, "What's wrong with mom." The same think happened when I taught my, now, 17 son, phonics at age 6.
I love homeschooling my children, though I've said often that it is one of the hardest things I've ever done. It's a ministry that I'm so glad I was called to.
Blessings dear sister.
Yes, I have and now I have 9 year old twins, a 6 year old girl and a 3 year old boy. These young years are the easy ones. Please, please don't begin to hyperventilate yet! :-) But I truly, truly do understand your questions, the desire you have to do the best you can with your family and your children, the undecisions, the frustrations. Home educating isn't easy, at all.
I would encourage you to continue reading Sally's materials. I now have all but 1 of her books and it is so, so good! She has BTDT and she has that wealth of knowledge that the rest of us don't yet.
Also, just because I'm curious, have you researched Charlotte Mason very much yet? I think that she would put your mind at easy quite a bit and her ways are so easy going.
I also use unit studies, from Five in a Row, and they are beautiful.
While you did write this post, I know you didn't specifically ask for advice. But I would say continue to check out different methods to find the right one for you. Spend time with other like-minded families (which I believe you already do and have such an opportunity that others of us don't have with a popular blog, so that's a blessing to you) and share with them your difficulties and your questions. Be willing to be real with others. Ask for prayer, ask for specific issues so that others know how to lift you up. Don't switch things up constantly. Ask your husband for help and let him know where you are, what's going on, what you need.
This is intensely difficult, and not something all are called to or feel like they should do, but for those of us that do, it is good. I hope that on those days when you need the substitute, that you can find something or someone that will help you by being the substitute.
Thank you so much for your review of the phonics program! I would never have looked twice at it online as the description of the product leaves so much to be desired. Having heard you detail the benefits and the primers, I am sold! Well, if I don't win the giveaway, that is! ;)
Oh, I am here…homeschooling is hard!! This is our 16th year with our six children. Two have completed their home education and are old enough to be on the next leg of the life journey (21 and 18 yo). Four are still being schooled at home (grades 11, 8, & 5). I feel so overwhelmed and burned out. The younger grades were so fun (rainbows and butterflies). These upper grades are difficult and the children hit teenage years and become difficult as well. Yet I see glimpses of the benefits, hard-working, self-motivated, critical thinking adults (21 yo old for sure, 18 yo is still getting there, 11th grader is on a good path). I must hang on to the benefits otherwise I will surely give up. Thanks for the reminder in this line, "it’s about reaching my children’s heart for God". Blessings on your journey.
Oh gosh, pretty much daily! It's the hardest. most wonderful thing I've ever done.
I'll tell you what helped me the most out of 2.5 years on this homeschool journey….going to a great conference a couple of weeks ago….I just went to speaker sessions for 3 days straight (only spent about 30 min. total looking at curriculum!) soaking up their words of wisdom….then bought CD recordings to bring home and listen again. SO encouraging :)
Hello. I know you have a large fallowing and I am like an ant in an ant hill here, but I wanted to let you know that I have these issues from time to time and we too believe our God is leading us in the same direction of home schooling. I love to be with two of my best friends in the world all day every day. – more in next comment as this one was too long…-
Being the one responsible for showing them how to communicate with others is not an easy thing to do some times, but it's a pure joy to see our now 4 and 5 (soon to be 6) year old children talking to kids and adults alike. *big smile* To hear them recite God's inspired word or a poem, to hear them read with confidence, and to see a subject finally click for them is rewarding! I don't have a pay check per say, but those things are my payment if I make the time to accept them. Though accepting my payment as a home schooling momma is like accepting God's gift of Jesus, all I have to do is accept what He is giving me in each moment. That is not to say that every moment is joyous and oh so much fun, but that when the good times are abundant I need to bank them for those times that are less, FAR LESS, than I would like to have. Grow in God with us and keep the focus on Christ. There are so many blessings to home schooling and one of them is that you can stop and have God time, any time, I am still learning how to make the most of this with our two little ones. *smile* Sincerely, Mommy of two little blessings & so much more!
We just made the choice to home school this past week and I'm ready, but also aware there will be moments/days/periods of insanity. God is good. He has called us to this.
and I'm ready.
This is my 13th year homeschooling, and we are graduating our first senior this June. It can be done. I did my first set of transcripts this week. If I can do it, anyone can! :) God will help you to do the hard but excellent thing!
Yes, homeschooling is HARD. Even with the support of my DH and homeschooling friends (and tolerance from non-homeschooling friends and family), I find homeschooling to be a very solitary endeavor and I have to dig deep some days to give myself what I want others to give me (a break, a pat on the back, a chocolate bar, an acknowledgment, etc).
I expected my children to grow and mature; what I didn't expect is that *I* would grow and mature as a homeschooling mom. And sometimes, I get growth pains.
Keep on keeping on….the journey is worth it, as much as a cliche as that is.
I was just having this conversation with myself today! Nice to know I'm not alone. I'm also having a hard time staying excited about our curriculum (this is my first full year of H'schooling).