On Internet Addiction & Doing Too Much
There is a lie that goes like this: “I can have my cake and eat it too.” -Kelly Bradrick
I don’t have to reach deep to know the truth about computer addiction.
But I do have to open up vulnerable places to share that truth with you.
For some, being addicted to the internet is fine, but for me it is not okay. I have three eternal souls in my care that were sewed up in my womb and are my responsibility in this feeble world. Something always gives when we give ourselves to to many things; I can’t give up my children.
For me, right now, this means dropping the consulting, the shop, possibly Raising Homemakers, and any other big ideas I have rolling around in my head (of which I have plenty-I’m a visionary). My focus in this online space?
My blog (because writing is something good for me…as Ann says, “it’s healing. I also enjoy the community…YOU)
Relevant (God is using me here now, so I’m walking it out one year at a time)
(In)courage (I have found (in) to be a safe place to write from my wounds…it’s another healing place)
My eBook (which will be finished this month)
I’m asking God to help me set boundaries and keep my focus on my priorities. I’m praying that God will keep my heart towards my family and keep me from going the way of the culture.
I want to be fully present with my life…I want my babes to be fully present with theirs.
I’d like to make it to heaven without regrets when it comes to being intentional. Not perfect (of course I will fail), but intentional.
I share these things with you because I consider you friends. I also want to be honest with you because so many women are addicted to their computers and don’t know how to deal with it, let alone admit it. They feel stuck, or confused, or they ignore it (but know it’s there). I just want to say, you’re not alone.
There is no dark corner that God can’t bring light to.
Whatever your struggle or addiction in the online world or off, don’t give up on hope.
Reach for the fringe in faith.
You go girl. Amen. My struggle with the Internet? Browsing and Twitter. I am learning to tighten my time belt on these areas and spend FOCUSED time writing on my blog. I am still looking for a GOOD place to put my writing in my days. While I don't want to take time from my duties & children, I also don't want to take time from my husband and needed sleep. So, I'm thinking it will be 20 minutes here, 20 minutes there. My husband doesn't mind me writing, of course. And there are times he is engaged in other things in the evening (youth group duties, time with a friend, occasionally, etc)
Ha, ha. I don't know why I'm telling you all this. I guess because I need to tell myself (that's why I write, after all). :) Love you sweet sister!!
I so appreciate your honesty and decisions. I think that any woman on the internet has/is addicted to some degree. Our sin nature "craves" more. It always does. More attention… more feedback… more recognition… more pride.
I struggle with this.
I too, am realizing that my own Babes are the most important. My two little ones at home, my little one growing inside me, and my biggest "Babe", named husband.
I think that if we opened God's Word 1/2 as much as we opened our Lap Tops, we'd be more God-fearing, Grace-Infused women of God.
Yes?
God's Word is so living and powerful… it, alone… has the power to rebuke, and to LOVE us back to the first things… our Love for Christ.
Love you Sarah Mae! Keep Seeking Him First Matthew 6:33
Love,
Traci @ Ordinary Inspirations
Excellent thoughts here Traci and I totally agree.
Couldn't have said it better!
I have to admit to myself and accept the fact that Twitter, Facebook, and the internet cannot replace the intimate friendships I crave. I know I need to pursue and initiate fellowship when I am compulsively drawn to my computer. It's a hard thing sometimes for this wife and mother. I have to keep remembering that God satisfies my desire for community with good things…not always virtual things.
Thanks for letting me share.
Thank you for this post. It just confirmed in me something that God has been nudging me on for the past few days (sometimes it's like he has to truly spell it out for me to finally get it!!). I appreciate your honesty. Will pray for you.
AMEN! I struggle with the balance of this part of my life…thank you for this post and the honesty you shared. Blessings!
You've chosen wisely!
You will never regret this decision Sarah Mae! I admire you even more because of it!
Yep your definitely not alone in this one Sarah Mae!! Thank you for sharing! I pray that we are able to over come those addictions no matter what they may be. Just remember that as with all addictions that battle to overcome it is not yours but Gods!
I posted something similar a while back and God called me to take a total and complete break. I loved every second of it, and after months of being absent, I am able to try again with blogging, etc. and am following guidelines so it's a very small percentage of my day. I have asked God to take it from me if it ever becomes more important to me than it should be. A scary prayer, but I mean it! Bless you , Sarah Mae :)
Today is my first day back after a 21-day Internet fast. I am implementing some ways to insure that the Lord keeps His rightful place in my busy life: no computer time till after my quiet time and no Internet on Sundays. I also find that I must limit the amount of time I spend reading. I’ve commited to only reading blogs that edify and encourage me as a Christian woman, godly wife and homeschooling mom according to the qualifications listed in Philippians 4:8. I am encouraged that the Lord is doing a similar work in you Sarah Mae. May He richly bless you as you seek to follow Him.
I just adore your honesty. I myself a few years ago had put my work above all and let me just that was a difficult lesson. However, God is faithful and showed me my disobedience. I know have balance in that area. That is not to say that I do not have to keep that part of me in check. We all have areas in our live that have to kept in check. I commend you for your honesty and being obedient to God. http://tracyscoffeecafe.wordpress.com/2011/02/14/…
Thank you for this. This couldn't have come at a better time. I really need to change some priorities around and refocus my attention on my family and my home and mostly on God. We have been living in Mexico for six months and I feel so off track. We've been sick and my husband travels so much. I look to the internet for routine and rely on it when I should be turning to God. I have decided to take a break from blogging and limit my time on the internet (hoping there are no withdrawal symptoms!). It also helps that we have a vacation this weekend with my husband, then my boys and I will be visiting family and friends in the states for a month. I need some refreshment for my heart and soul so that I can be the disciple, wife and mom that God wants me to be.
Sarah Mae – you SO rock! It is these GOOD things that can so easily become bondage for us – our desire to HAVE more, to DO more, to BE more is ever present, and it requires daily surrender, doesn't it? I've had to watch my time, to repent of my time wasted, and to be thankful of the time that God has used. Ultimately it's about HIS GLORY and when I can't attribute my time to HIS GLORY – it requires surrender & repentance. ugh. Far more often than I'd like to admit… Thanks for writing this – for sharing with us – and being real…
This is so helpful today. As a naturally shy introvert, my experience has been that the internet feels so comfortable…. too comfortable. Too welcoming. I've reduced my blog reader and was doing well for a while shutting my laptop off once the sun went down. It creeps back so silently. What's worse is that I'm a professional writer, so being online looks like productive work, when it is not. Thanks so much for these good words to get me to put the thing AWAY.
I’ve a fairly new reader here, but I’m blessed every time I click over to your site. Thank you for your honesty here and your desire to live Intentionally. That is a wonderful reminder for me. I love being able to find support and encouragement from godly women in the blogging world. Thank you for standing up for Him and your beliefs.
I never realized I was "addicted" to the affirmation I was receiving on Facebook. My personal account had over a couple hundred "friends" and I went and checked their 1st every morning before my bible. I did Beth Moore's Breaking Free before I even REALIZED I had issues. I knew I had to remove it because "managing" it was impossible – I wanted to be FREE from it (like Beth says in her bible study).
I was off FB for almost 6 months! And now I am only "friends" with people I have met face to face – rather than the whole world filling me with empty words and insincere thoughts.
Thanks for sharing this – and even daring to mention something so many women would be utterly ashamed to track their online time! I once wrote down how often I "hopped" online and it was surprising! Embarrassing! I had to go back and stop contributing to many sites I was happily writing for and walk away from twitter.
Stef
Thanks for this post! I recently chose to stay at home as my husband started back to work (after a long season of unemployment) to give our two boys stability and as much peacefulness as we can provide. However, I have found that I am struggling with the "detoxing" of not doing a million and one things. I appreciate your post because it reminds me that I am not alone in my struggle and that my goal of intentional living can be achieved if God is in it…
Mandy, being at home with little ones is very hard, but very worth it. I encourage you to read Sally Clarkson’s The Mission of Motherhood and the Ministry of Motherhood. Sally encourages me greatly!
Mandy, being at home with little ones is very hard but very worth it. I encourage you to read Sally Clarkson's The Mission of Motherhood and the Ministry of Motherhood. Sally encourages me greatly!
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by punkinmama, Sarah Mae. Sarah Mae said: so many women are addicted to their computers and don’t know how to deal with it, let alone admit it. http://bit.ly/fglJ9i [...]
On a random note, I'm really sorry that some comments aren't going through. I turned off moderation today so your comments would be automatically posted, but for some reason now some comments aren't showing up. Just didn't want you to think I was deleting them!
Hopefully they will turn up sometime!
Sarah Mae,
You have so well put into words what many of us feel. Overcoming these addictions and the desire to be "busy" is a constant process. I will cut something out, but then quickly replace it with something else. When I look closely at life at home, schooling my children, loving my husband, serving the church…it's enough. There really is little room for much else. I know some people have more capacity to "do" than others. But I think most of us could have less on our plates.
When I feel frustrated with not having the time to do all "I" want to do, I try to remember that this time is just a season. There will be other seasons where there will be time for more doing, for more pursuing of my own interests. I don't want to miss this season, longing for another, or just being plain too busy to be a part of the here and now. Motherhood is wonderful and tough. It requires sacrifice, sweat and tears. But how much joy it brings when we give it our best.
Thanks for sharing this. God bless you as you strive to live in a way that pleases the Lord.
Girl, I struggle with this all the time. After Relevant I was in a tug of war because I wanted to simplify, but I also wanted to read these amazing women I had just met. It used to be Facebook that took up all my time. I got a hold of that by getting rid of the time wasters (pointless games – although I still play Bejeweled…I couldn't give that up! LOL!). Praying you find that balance…and looking SOOOOOO forward to Relevant '11!
: )
I recently took a month and a half off from the net because of PC issues. And I never felt so alive!!! I was able to unplug from the digital and replug back into reality and it was awesome! Since, I've set aside time just for online activities, but the biggest part of my time goes into enjoying the life and family that God has blessed me with.
Thank you so much for writing about this very real topic in life … such a blessing and encouragement to me!
Beautiful considerations! I too have cut back significantly on my interenet time… not as much pressure and more time for family. Win-Win
Sara Mae,
I'm right there with you. A couple of months ago, for the same reason, I deactivated my facebook account, deleted my email account and limited my blog reading (it's actually been a couple of weeks since I've stopped in here). It's been awesome and I don't miss any of it one bit! I found not only did that stuff take physical time away from my children ( I have five, ages 8 and under and homeschool), but mentally I wasn't "all there" for my husband or children. My mind would wander to what I had just read on someone's blog, or email or facebook post. I realized that all my internet commitments were actually becoming a hindrance to my family. I am so thankful that God revealed to me what I needed to do in my life to get rid of the extra clutter and have been so blessed and I know you will be too!
This is amazing!!! I have been struggling with this as well and feeling guilty. Thanks for speaking for me. It's what I have been wanting to say to myself but just didn't know how to say it.
Good for you! I heard this week (in celebrating Ronald Reagan's 100th birthday) that he was purposeful and secure in his life calling. Even a man so great as this – limited himself to particulars. He knew no one can do it all and therefore was more effective in what he did.
I aspire to do likewise. Your words are timely.
Bless you~
Sarah Mae, I've wrestled back and forth with the Lord this morning about whether I should leave a comment. I want to encourage you deeply in this conviction. God revealed to me over the course of the past year that I used good things to numb out the pain in my life — past and present. I have the habit of escaping from real life by pursuing ministry life. Until last fall, doing so online was the prime location of my addiction. But even after laying my blog down in October, I have learned that giving up one addiction leaves plenty of room for others to pop up.
It is so easy to become distracted with "good things," especially if the "pressing things in the present moment" happen to reveal our weaknesses, short comings, fears, or worries, and requires sacrificial, often unrewarding (in the moment) living as we tend to the home, the needs of others, and the daily grind. If we are visionaries and encouragers, passionate about the Gospel and seeing women living out their potential before God, the natural outlet is a blog and other social media, especially in our dedication to remain at home raising children. But before we know it, we're working a full-time job from our kitchen table, neglecting the keeping of the home and the nurturing of our children. Even as we drag ourselves away from the computer screen to the washing machine, we are scheming and planning the next great post instead of praying over the little legs that fill the dirty pants clenched in our hands. It is a said state, for we miss out on a season that we can never get back.
Sarah Mae, my oldest daughter is nearly 12. My youngest is 5. I've spent 12 years investing in things eternal, the souls of women and teenage girls, but at the cost of the four most precious souls I've been given the privilege to tend. My kids haven't had all of me. Only a small percentage because my passions were unbridled like a wild race horse never broken by proper training. Sure, I could run fast, hard, and even win a race or to, but at what cost?
I stand at a crossroads. My childbearing years are likely over. My babies are gone. I missed this precious season of life, absent in my own thoughts of grandeur and ministry and transformation. I can't get it back. But today, I can take the road less traveled. The narrow road. I can yield to God, and let Him break this wild mustang of a woman into a gentle mare whose willing to run His race instead of hers. I can learn from the grief of loss and allow my Redeemer God to make beauty from ashes.
Today, I am doing less. I've been stripped of the identity that comes from what I accomplish — in ministry online and in real life — and God continues to peel back the layers of distraction and avoidance, revealing a woman inside that is able to live, breath, love, hope, and rest in God alone. In this absence of busyiness, I have time to pour into the Scriptures each morning, time to listen to my children, time to look at them, time to get the laundry done, time to love on my husband, time to manage our household, time to receive the people God weaves into my life. Time to simple be.
It is strange, unusual season of pruning, but I already taste the fruit. It is a sweet, quiet peace even in the midst of present day pain. This is a season for which I will be eternally grateful. It is marked by God's grace as He beckoned me to become simply His. In the process, I'm becoming simply me.
I just wanted to say how moved I was by your comment Lisa. Thank you for sharing your heart and the ache you've learned from. The Lord is working in these areas in my life and I'm so blessed to see Sarah Mae share here.
Thank you for your comment. Your testimony of being stripped is what I'm going through right now.. I'm in the process. Though my stripping is different from yours. I'm an introvert, shy. I deal with a lot of anxiety and fear. So the computer is comfortable for me. I'm safe.. because for the most part it's not 'real'. I can still have 'friends' and I can be affirmed. But it's still an idol, no matter what the reasons are. I have two beautiful little boys. I have a wonderful husband. And God has called me to serve them. I've used my fears and insecurities as an excuse. And it's time to life fully where He wants. I appreciate people like you and Sarah Mae admit these issues that are so real. Thank you for your words.
I so understand this one. It's hard not to get sucked into the vortex, especially if you work from home online like I do. I am trying to work w/i a schedule because it does get out of hand.
Blessings,
Mel
Please feel free to stop by: Trailing After God
to walk in His light means to continually lay things on His altar.
some He gives back, others He replaces with sweeter, more
joyful gifts. it is all joy when yielded to Him. i have known
supreme joy even during grief, because His presence makes
all things good.
way to go, mom!
I was just talking to your mother in law the other day, and it reminded me to come back and visit your blog. :) You are wise to prioritize things, and those dear children are such a priority right now. So much about being a busy mom is about balance and priorities…..thanks for posting the reminder today! :) Amen to "there is no dark corner that God can't bring light to!" :)
Sarah Mae, I've wrestled back and forth with the Lord this morning about whether I should leave a comment. I want to encourage you deeply in this conviction. God revealed to me over the course of the past year that I used good things to numb out the pain in my life — past and present. I have the habit of escaping from real life by pursuing ministry life. Until last fall, doing so online was the prime location of my addiction. But even after laying my blog down in October, I have learned that giving up one addiction leaves plenty of room for others to pop up.
Great decision. I wonder what part of my addiction might have hurt my marriage….and will be better about it if i get another chance/the next time
Amen. Because we live overseas, the internet can be an even bigger temptation. It can be lonely here and the internet keeps us connected to our friends and family back home. But it can also keep us from the people we came to know and serve.
You are wise to give your children priority over other things. YOU are the only one who can mother your little ones. There are so many good things that can become bad things if we are short changing our kids in the process.
I made the hard decision a few years back to close my online needlework business, Vintage Needleworks, because I wanted to give my kids top priority and I just couldn't do ALL things well while homeschooling 5 children. It was a sacrifice for me, as it was profitable and fulfilling. I reasoned to myself that I only have one shot at being my kids mom, and the rest of my life to reopen my needlework business.
The Lord will bless you for courageously following hard after Him and His desires for your family.
I discovered your blog article from my friend's blogroll listing.
At any rate, I appreciate your honesty in the matters of wanting to control the time you spend on the Internet. You are right when you mention that many women probably struggle with this more than they would like to admit. I know that I do, and sometimes, it is diffcult to "know" what to do. I'm at a point right now where I am deciding and learning how to prioritize my time between the Internet and taking care of my family.
Thank you for posting this. At least I know that I am not alone.
-Lady Rose
I am always impressed at your openness. Good for you for being honest with yourself and God and admitting where you need to draw boundaries. I do have to admit that I am very happy you are going to keep this blog, though! :)
Sarah Mae,
What a beautiful heart you have! It's really hard to find balance in things these days. It feels like life is much more complicated than it was 50 years ago. We are given all these tools to help us multi-task! Maybe multi-tasking isn't such a great thing after all. I just read a great article in Reader's Digest… it was an excerpt from the book The Winter of Our Disconnect (I think that's the title). I was and am really inspired by what the author had to say. In summary, she wrote of the value of silence and MONOtasking.
Another great read I have discovered is: Teach Like Your Hair's On Fire! by Rafe Esquith, a public school teacher in LA. The book is about teaching, of course, and since I homeschool, my brother-in-law thought I would enjoy it. He's right! There are a LOT of great, great ideas in the book, but what I am loving most of all is this man's FOCUSED attention to his craft of teaching. I am so inspired and feel so spurred on.
I struggle with 'doing too much' too. Like you, Sarah Mae, I consider myself a visionary. The trouble is, I cannot do it all well. Certain things suffer. Because I am also like you, in that I am not willing to let my family suffer, I have to pull back and give myself plenty of margin. I am finding I am not the 3-ring circus girl I used to be. It's been a tough transition…. me learning to pull back. I've had to make some really hard choices. I understand where you are.
You are precious and thank you for making yourself vulnerable in sharing. I can imagine so many reading this will find comfort and inspiration knowing they are not alone, that even someone they so admire, such as yourself, struggles with these kinds of things.
Many blessings sister,
Kara
I recently read an article about a media diet on ehow.com (http://www.ehow.com/how_6525406_go-media-diet.html). After reading your post, I realize I need to schedule time away from my online activities for my sake and my family. Thanks.
This is timely and food for thought. This past year has been a "quiet" one for me and my blog. God has really been working on me. While I have "missed" my time online – I can't say I would change it. Each day I realize that we are "but a breath" and the sooner we understand and make the most of what grace has given us…the better we are and the better those around us are.
Blessings to you!
I am praying the same prayer with you, for you, for myself. I do a lot online including getting my masters degree. On the other hand I am a SAHM of a 2yr old baby girl. Whew enough said! It's exciting you are working on an e-book. I am too. Yaaaay. I wish you the best. Please follow one or any of the blogs I write. Thanks for sharing this post.
Stopping in to say hello friend! Wonderful post and I totally know where you're coming from! God is so good to help us! Sounds like you are making some wise decisions. It's never easy though. Hugs to you!!
Girl. i am a visionary too and am also trying to find the balance. I am very much an ideas person so I can understand your struggle. I always have something new popping into my head that I want to make, paint, sing, write, etc. Asking the Lord to help me do His Will and not my own is a constant prayer of mine.
May God bless your decision to put what is important first!
Yep, agreed. I love the ability of access to socialness through blogging, FB, Twitter, etc, but sometimes it just leaves my brain feeling fuzzy because it's always got little bits of random info floating around in it. I continually have to seek to find the balance. I don't want to miss Him because I was so full of other things.I don't want to be in the same room with my kids, but missing out on them and vice versa. I have to discipline myself to stay here in my home in THIS moment and fully breathe it in. I have to push aside of all that wonderful social media stuff and focus on what really matters. Thanks for your honesty so others don't feel so alone!
Sara Mae,
You are so right, I started a blog several months ago. I had four followers not sure if they even still read it since I don't blog often. That's exactly why, because of the souls in my care. I can't do it all and so I just let the blog sit there. I have started blogging a little more lately. I pray that he will help me balance. http://www.calledtothisjourney.com
I admire your honesty and courage. It is hard to say no to things that make sense to us, ideas that are birthed in our minds and hearts and to realize that good does NOT always equal God. I am proud of you and praying for you to have the strength to continue to deny your flesh and walk in faith for God's best. Can't wait for Relevant '11!