I Need Your Suggestions for My Ebook
A couple of years ago I had a series on this blog called “Core Lies” all about the lies that live deep down in our hearts – the ones with deep roots, the ones that often times dictate how we respond to situations/conversations/life.
I have since drafted that series in order to polish it up and turn it into an ebook. I am looking forward to putting this information to print because it is so valuable, helpful, and hopeful – it literally changed my life. I had learned about core lies from some wise mentors in college, but I could never find any concrete material on the subject. Thus, I gathered my notes and all I had learned/experienced on the topic and put it to form.
I know that all of us wrestle with core lies (most of the time we don’t know it); I also know the importance of figuring out what they are and dealing with them so that we do not live out of them and/or pass them onto our children.
“Deal with and repent of your own “core lies” so you don’t demand from and damage your child as much. To determine your “core lies,” watch for things that make you angry, anxious, or depressed. The core lies are usually under there. Whatever goals we’ve created because of our core lies have to go. For me, I wanted everyone to think I was a good mom. I had to let go of what other people thought of me because it was affecting how I dealt with my girls.” -Cathy Bowman, Navigator staff
Here is where you come in.
I’d love to hear some personal stories from those of you who have dealt with a core lie and believed truth. For those who have no idea how to figure out your core lie, or what a core lie really is, what questions do you have about the topic in general? Any other suggestions you have about ebooks, throw them my way! Thank you!
I appreciate your feedback so very much!
I can’t wait to get this ebook into your hands. If you do not already receive an email each time a post from Like a Warm Cup of Coffee goes live and/or you don’t want to miss the launch, click here to be added to the email list. Click here for RSS.
P.S. A reader reminded me of the book by Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Lies Women Believe. Your core lies are significantly different than the concrete lies Nancy lays out in her book. While her book is a good resource (and probably super helpful – its been awhile since I’ve read through it), core lies falls into a different category. :)
Sarah,
Have you ever read the book "Lies Women Believe" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss? It is based on this very same idea and is excellent. There is also a Bible study tied to it.
Hi Lori, yes I have, but this actually quite different. It is not concrete lies as Nancy lays out (i.e. the lie that you need to use birth control), but rather an identifying of the core of the heart and the roots that tangle us up on a daily basis. Make sense? :)
Mine has been that I am not important which stemmed from being molested and not having it dealt with. I took the lack of it being acknowledged or the person being punished (even though I told) as meaning no one really cared about me. It still haunts me. Being insecure is always lurking in my heart. But God's working on me and as I mature and grow, the wrinkles of my heart are ironed out more and more!
Mel´s last [type] ..About Me
Mel´s last [type] ..About Me
Mel, my heart hurts deeply for you, but I my heart also hopes for you. This is for you today:
" He heals the heartbroken
and bandages their wounds.
He counts the stars
and assigns each a name.
Our Lord is great, with limitless strength;
we'll never comprehend what he knows and does.
God puts the fallen on their feet again
and pushes the wicked into the ditch." Psalm 147:2-6
I don't have any suggestions but I can say I'm looking forward to reading it. As women we all tend to have core lies – so many…. We need to break free and know that Jesus is our Truth…
Love to you
Kelly
Hi Sarah,
My sister referred me to your site. I was so blessed to see a quote from Cathy Bowman. She was my mentor in college. She is such a precious person! I look forward to seeing where God leads you in your writing about core lies.
Blessings to you in this endeavor,
Dawn
Dawn! Wow, how wonderful! I love Cathy…such a wise woman!
Thank you Sarah Mae! Lovely verses!!
Mel´s last [type] ..About Me
Mel´s last [type] ..About Me
I'm not sure exactly what core lies are, but the first thing that came to mind was "I'm not good enough." I've struggled with depression for years and have been in counseling for more than a year, trying to deal with this.
Melissa – the "I'm not good enough" is mine as well. I address it in the book.
This sounds like a wonderful book and I look forward to reading it. I think a core lie I believed was that because I was abandoned by my father as a child emotionally, even before he left my mother and coming out as gay, that I was not able to be loved or valued as a person. It was only after I realized that my core worth is seen through my Heavenly Father's eyes, not my earthly father's, that I was able to see I was valuable and worth loving; and because of that able to love those "the world" deems unlovable.
Kristine McGuire´s last [type] ..Give Simply-Simply Give
Kristine McGuire´s last [type] ..Give Simply-Simply Give
Not sure if this is a core lie or not but my life has certainly been affected negatively by insecurity(ies). I am dealing with them now through prayer and the Word…learning what God says about me…and believing Him instead of me so that I can serve Him fully {as a mom, wife..and just being me and whatever else He calls me to be}.
Mary Beth´s last [type] ..Fix Your Christmas Lights Don’t Throw Them Away!
Mary Beth´s last [type] ..Fix Your Christmas Lights Don’t Throw Them Away!
my first thought was of Nancy's book as well. I'm wondering, since you specified, what the difference is between her "concrete lies" and your "core lies"? I'd love to hear some thoughts on that.
BelovedAimee´s last [type] ..Writers Workshop-Bold
BelovedAimee´s last [type] ..Writers Workshop-Bold
I think one core lie I struggle with is the 'comparison trap'. If I am not completely focused on God, I get distracted with measuring myself against other women — is she prettier? smarter? more physically fit? a better mom, wife, etc?
Melanie´s last [type] ..We Need Your Help!
Melanie´s last [type] ..We Need Your Help!
I know my main core lie is "I am not good enough". I wonder if the desire to be understood or the trap of being feeling belittle or feeling offended is coming from that lies core or more lies of their own??? If that makes any sense? LOL! I will look forward to your ebook. I remember reading your post on this. God bless your book and the words it contains. May it help and encourage many. smiles, Angelia in TX
I struggle with self-worth and feeling like I am never good enough as well. That lie was fed to me by my earthly father for many years. I'm working on believing the truth given to me by my heavenly Father, but it's a battle.
I'm really looking forward to this ebook. Thank you for taking the time to share and write it.
Melissa´s last [type] ..Making Your Home a Haven
Melissa´s last [type] ..Making Your Home a Haven
A verbally and emotionally abusive relationship that I was in (prior to becoming a Christian) taught me the core lie that allowing a man to "wear the pants" or lead in the relationship was a bad idea because it would allow him to be selfish and abuse me. Although I didn't realize it at the time, it was something that I believed about all men, in general. I still had that belief when I became a Christian and for the first two years of my 2.5 year marriage. I really only realized recently that this was a lie that I was believing. Basically, all the belief (lie) did was cause a competitiveness and disrespect between my husband and I as we both jostled for control. I would try to be submissive because the Bible commands it, but I would get so scared of going through what I did before (him ONLY thinking of himself and what he wants and never bothering to ask me what I wanted) that I would end up rebelling, often in passive aggressive ways, because I didn't trust my husband enough not to lead narcissistically. I guess to sum up the core lie in a less wordy fashion, it would be "Men are narcissistic and only care about themselves. If you let them be in charge, you'll get stepped on, used, and abused." It's shameful that it only took one relationship of my own and seeing friends go through similar relationships to cause me to believe that lie. I'm just thankful that the Lord showed me that this was a lie before it was too late and I caused irreparable damage to my marriage.
Mrs. P´s last [type] ..Happy Thanksgiving!
Mrs. P´s last [type] ..Happy Thanksgiving!
So awesome, Sarah Mae! I remember your core lies series – and think it's when I began following you. =)
My biggest core lie was about Performance. It wasn't just comparison to others. It was that I had to DO in order to BE. I had to perform to be accepted, loved, valued, to measure up. Maybe that is about value, but it was tied to my ability to do… And it held me bound so many years it was hard to identify. But getting ahold of how God sees me (regardless of what I have or haven't done) and grabbing onto my identity in Christ continues to bring me freedom and intimacy in my relationship with Him.
Wow–this sounds like an amazing book. God has been bringing me so much freedom lately and something that I think has made a huge difference is praying OUT LOUD and learning to be 100% HONEST with God and with myself. I realized that it was hard to say some things out loud at first because they aren't reflective of who I WANT to be–or even who I want to believe that I am. It was as if I was trying to hide the garbage and the spiritual immaturity, not really from God (because, obviously, I can't–and there is always that desire to be known that deeply and still loved), but from myself. There is such freedom that comes with being "naked" before God and still feeling safe and loved.
With this new freedom–I've also noticed an alarm goes off when I begin to get defensive (a life long habit (prison?) that I'm also
breaking free from.) Praying out loud—HONESTLY—at these times can really reveal what I think you are referring to as our core lies!
My whole life I have always felt like I wasn't worth fighting for. It's a lie that I've only recently discovered was there. Although my dad loves me, he never took an interest in me or my activities. Neither did my mom. Every friendship I have had, has ended, presumably because I made a mistake and our years of friendship weren't worth the work of forgiving and working through it. My husband has communicated this to me through selfishness– not pursuing me when it's hard, or turning to other things.
In the last year, all of these things have sort of come to a head. God has revealed a lot of things to me, including my own lies that I have believed. God has allowed my husband to grow and change as well, and our marriage has grown by leaps and bounds. It's been amazing to watch.
I still struggle with this lie…the roots have grown into so many areas of my life, and I never realized how prevalent it was until they started coming out. But God and I…we're working on it.
If I told you all the core lies Churchianity has been telling Christians for centuries, you'd have a hard time believing me. Most times it's best to study for ourselves to discover what those lies are..because people are comfortable with the lies. Their pride resists the truth. You can go to YouTube to find Steve McVey and you'll find 1010 Lies the church tells you every Sunday…he touches on 101 but there are more. He also just publish a book of about 50 of them,..I think stevemcvey.com
You're sure entering into battle with this topic, Sarah Mae. You'll make new friends through this..and some will leave you and curse the ground you walk on.
Sisterlisa´s last [type] ..Homeschool Cults
Sisterlisa´s last [type] ..Homeschool Cults
Comparison to others.. is my biggest. Then the need to be in control.
Amanda´s last [type] ..I dont know how to celebrate Christmas
Amanda´s last [type] ..I dont know how to celebrate Christmas
I do remember your series and wanted to look back at it but all the posts seem to be gone–or am I not searching correctly?
I would say my top core lie is that I am forgettable. I stems from early childhood pain and still rears it's head when I feel forgotten by a loved one–not remembering to call, email, or my birthday….I've had a lot of healing through counseling and the love of a godly husband, but at times the enemy still tries to bring me down!
I read your series at about the same time I read "Hurt People Hurt People" by Dr Sandra Wilson. It is about how we form core lies through our life experiences, and how they affect our relationships with others.
Together with your series, and the grace of Almighty God, this changed my life!
Have you read it? It may give you some more insight and ideas for your book :)
I'm looking forward to reading it!!
My core lie is, "If they really knew me, they wouldn't love me." Which could also translate as "I'm not good enough"… as a pastor's kid of a very large church I always grew up in the spotlight and among the other pastor's kids (who were Randy Alcorn and Stu Weber's kids) and I alway felt I had to have it all together. So, I learned very early how to appear perfect and like I had it all together, and people loved me. I built a wall around myself and would only let people see the beautiful picture painted on the outside of the wall and not the mess of a person that was behind it. The Lord has been teaching me SO SO SO much in this area over the past year. In January I'm actually doing a series on my blog called, Emerging from Behind the Wall.
Thanks for this!
Blessings,
Joy
Joy´s last [type] ..Giveaway Winners
Joy´s last [type] ..Giveaway Winners
Umm…I'll just start by saying this is a topic I could talk about forever! Okay, not forever…but it's definitely something near and dear to my heart in the pursuit of freedom.
In the church I learned about this we called "core lies" strongholds, as in an area of our life we've given Satan have access, so to speak, and let him set up shop. Oftentimes it seems a group of lies works together to wreck havoc.
For me, they were rejection, fear, and self-hatred. I would say that most lies also are built out of a love or truth deficit…or both.
For me it was both, I didn't believe what God said about me was true…as in who I was in Christ and that I had worth and meaning in Him. And I didn't receive love that built me up and encouraged me, but grew up with a performance-based love in particular with my dad. Nothing I ever did was good enough…if I got a B in a class I struggled with it was "why didn't you get an A," etc.
In turn I responded to these lies in sin by believing the untruth and reacting to them in self-defense, pride, perfectionism, and more. My biggest deliverance came out of recognizing the lies, receiving forgiveness for my sin in it, and replacing the lies with the truth…not always easy, but definitely good.
Okay…seriously, I could go on and on about this stuff. But I'll stop. I've been planning to start blogging more on this too!
Jessica´s last [type] ..Promises Hanging
Jessica´s last [type] ..Promises Hanging
if i'm understanding what you are talking about with "core lies", it sounds a lot about something i often hear called "idols of the heart". one of the very basic ones is the lie that God doesn't really love me or want the best for me. another is that there is something other than Christ who can give me satisfaction in life. it is reflected by the statement i will be happy when____. or if i had _____ as part of my life, than i would be fulfilled.
these idols are revealed at those times when we find ourselves becoming angry/upset out of proportion to the incident. when we trace things back, we find that instead of finding our satisfaction in Christ, we are demanding certain behavior from a spouse/child/friend to meet our needs that can only be filled by Him. it is helpful to learn that we need this help from Christ to help us live the christian life. He shows us where we have need of Him. We can go to Him for forgiveness and grace to help in our time of need and continue to grow in grace as we learn more of what it means to trust Him to fill those empty places in our lives.
martha brady´s last [type] ..CHRISTMAS MEMORIES- WOODEN HEART ORNAMENTS
martha brady´s last [type] ..CHRISTMAS MEMORIES- WOODEN HEART ORNAMENTS
Hi Sarah,
So great to hear that you are releasing a book on this subject. I read your series on 'core lies' about 6 months ago and it definately sent me on a journey. I have gained insight throught Nancy's book but can see that you are tackling different fundamental lies. I would really appreciate guidance on 'how to' get free, believe the truth, change my thinking etc. Because it's easier said than done. Reading the other posts us women sure are the same and yet we always perceive others lives to be better, or more together etc.
On the old posts you suggested journalling the things that cause you to get anxious/angry etc. This is quite a challenge in itself, practically speaking, and I haven't found it easy to give it the headspace this topic needs to get to the bottom of things. You quoted a lady who said she wanted everyone to think she is a good mom and had to let this go, but how did she actually do that. That must be a common one for alot of us, but I don't know how to stop worrying about how others see me.
Anyway, I would love to find more freedom in this area and if you have any answers/light on the above then that will be wonderful. Many blessings to you as you serve the Lord with your giftings.
Emma
Hi Sarah,
My core "lie" or "lies", I would have to say are that I am bad, defective, shameful..and as told to me at the age of 7 by my Mom, "A worthless waste of oxygen". I have been been through so many violent, abusive, degrading relations and I always hear the same things, It's my fault, I make them act that way, I bring out the worst in people. You might be able to word these "lies" more eloquently, and I can only post that these are lies, because the Bible tells me something entirely different…but my heart, body, and mind are all still inprisoned with it.
Sarah Mae, I am an expert on this one. There has been a lot of sifting through my beliefs to extract the precious from the worthless (Jer. 15:19)
I am a visual person and God is gracious to give me illustrations to show me what He is doing in my life. As God walked me through the process of sifting truth from untruth in my life, He gave me the imagery of Achan to illustrate the process… You know when he took the goods under the ban, the Israelites cast lots to see who was guilty of the sin. (See Joshua 7)
First, the tribe of Judah was selected. God identifies the large categories first. In my life, the lies stemmed from two main areas: abuse as a 4 year old child, and the religious-but-powerless upbringing I had.
Secondly, the family of the Zerahites was selected. From the large group, God narrows it down, because not all things in that large group were lies. Much of my upbringing, for example, was helpful and good.
He showed me that certain things in my past caused me to "stumble" which means "to cause one to distrust One whom he should trust and obey." This stage was identifying ways I became reliant on myself and withdrew from God, even "spiritual" looking ways. This stage was recognizing the ways I began "performing" and seeking after other things when I should have been laying hold of Jesus and developing a genuine faith in His love and goodness towards me.
Thirdly, the household was selected. God is getting ever closer to the "core." In this phase, God revealed to me the misconceptions I held about Him and His nature, the "flesh and blood" concepts I picked up as truth but in fact were lies. For example, God is not a taskmaster but the rule by rod upbringing I had taught me He was.
Finally, from the household, man by man is brought near and Achan was selected. Finally, the core was identified, the one that had tainted the entire camp. God identified the core lies in my life as follows:
1. You are not good enough for God.
2. You have to do this by yourself. You are on your own.
3. God is chiefly interested in your obedience (as opposed to relationship and obedience as an outflow of that- John 15)
Through a very difficult season of parenting my own children, God has used my emotions of fear, inadequacy, anxiety, and anger as triggers to teach me those underlying lies. From there, I have been able to identify them, label them, reject them as they come up, and embrace truth instead.
What freedom!
I look forward to reading your ebook and I hope that this has helped in some small way.
Thank you Arabah! Yes, that is VERY helpful!
Wow! I thought I was the only one who felt like they wern't "enough"Good, smart, pretty, funny, even Christian enough. I'm glad I am not alone but saddend that so many women don't know their own value. Are we not more than the sparrow? What keeps us from believing this truth? Thank you for writing on this subject.I can't wait to read it!
I am so looking forward to reading this. From 16 to 26 I had been raped and abused and it was so damaging that I believed I was not worthy of love, of being noticed and heard. I had so much fear. I came to the LORD at the end of 1996, and though I had worked on so much and had tremendous faith, I was still being hurt by my past..in 2008 I went to counseling and it was there that I was set free, my marriage became stronger because I no longer feared the affection of my husband and I grew in love even more with JESUS!!
My husband and I had been married for 12 years and for the first time I was able to have him touch my face….PTL!!!!
Today I my past has no authority in my present or future I however have authority over it, Thank you JESUS!!!
Sarah Mae,
I would say that my core lie is believing that anytime something "bad" happens to me it is because I must not have prayed hard enough or had enough faith. For example, when I struggled with infertility, I constantly battled thinking if I just "prayed enough" or "believed enough", THEN God would bless me.
I think this ties into the fact that I have always been an extreme type-A person and in the past have gotten my self worth from how well I performed (even as a young child, I would be really upset with a "B" on test…because I felt like I should have been able to get an "A"
Sarah
Sarah A´s last [type] ..More to come
Sarah A´s last [type] ..More to come
I can truly say that in recent months I've realized that I believe so many lies. God is working with me on them, thankfully.
I've been a Christian now for close to 20 years and I'm still struggling…that was a lie I'd fallen prey to. I so thought that after "twenty years" I should have it, but I don't and I won't. Am I getting better like fine wine? A tad bit. I think :)
Angela´s last [type] ..God working through social media!
Angela´s last [type] ..God working through social media!
I'm working through this very thing in my life… looking at my false belief system – it took me 5 months of really hard work… searching and praying… and having women around me praying – specifically for clarity before it hit me like a ton of bricks. Our church has introduced something called the Genesis Program by Michael Dye – it deals with this exact thing. (It was designed to deal with addictions – but churches have embraced the program as everyone has some sort of addictive behavior/survival system that entraps them… many are more socially acceptable than others, that's all – but, a huge part of this program is determining false beliefs… which are often at the root at why we do the very thing we don't want to do – it's so much more than that… but, might be a good resource for you) I'm going through it for a second time with 2 girlfriends right now and the tools are so powerful. One of them is a 'double-bind' worksheet… this truly helps get to the false belief that we base our attitudes and behaviors on.
This is going to be a very powerful book Sarah Mae!! Praying for protection over you as you write it.
Thank you Jenni – I'll check out the program and your prayers mean so much to me!
I would say that one of my core lies that I struggle with daily is definitely that I am not good enough and therefore am failing my children. My struggles with anger and frustration will damage my children (which there is some truth there too) and they will be forever scarred. I put more faith into my own strengths as a mother than into Christ's power to work thru me to be the mother he has called me to be. I homeschool my girls and I battle with the idea that I'm not "good" enough to be their teacher. But God equips those He calls, so I try and walk in that Truth!
Kendal´s last [type] ..Hot or Cold
Kendal´s last [type] ..Hot or Cold
Well I can certainly relate to the core lie of not being good enough. It all comes down to truly believing who God says He is. We can never be "good enough" in ourselves but through Christ we are more than conquerers!!!
I know core lies are different, but I have been doing a series on my blog called "Truth for Thursdays". I am reviewing Nancy Leigh DeMoss' book. I would love for you to stop by.
My pastor recently did an interesting sermon how Satan can deceive us. Here were a few of his main points:
Satan's Lies and Schemes:
-When we serve God, everything goes in our favor.
-God can't forgive me for what I've done.
-Since God loves me and I'm forgiven, there are no lasting consequences for my sin.
-I can fake my true spiritual state to others.
-I can always wait till a later date to give my life to Christ.
-God will love me more if I do what I should. (BIG one for me!)
-Religious ideas are not acceptable in the public square.
Also, here are a few deceptions/truths I recently studied in a small group study:
I need to get closer to God./I am in Christ and He is in me.
I need to discipline myself./I need to trust Christ in me.
Indwelling sin is in me and makes me want to sin./Sin is in my body, but that is not who I am and I don't want to sin.
Mandie´s last [type] ..Santa
Mandie´s last [type] ..Santa
Hey Sara Mae,
There is a Bible Study out by Jennifer Rothschild called Me Myself and Lies. I'm wondering if this is what your book/ teaching is more on the lines of. Either way, I know it is a much needed message. We believe so many lies about ourselves and those around us. Only the TRUTH can set us free.Thank you for following God's leading for the ebook. I will keep you and your family in prayer as you work through it all.
Blessings,
Danielle