Is Your Family a Clique? (Part 1)
Today is a guest post from Joy, from Joy in this Journey.
Sarah Mae recently tweeted the link to an article delving into the weaknesses of home-schooling as an educational method (http://www.familyministries.com/HS_Crisis.htm ). The blind spots listed are: self-centered dreams, family as an idol, emphasis on outward form, tendency to judge, over-dependence on authority and control, over-reliance on sheltering, and formulaic parenting.
As a home-school grad, I found myself nodding as I read. I’ve seen them all, to varying degrees, among homeschooling families and homeschool grads I’ve known. What struck me most is that all Christian families are prone to these, regardless of their method of schooling. These blind spots are not exclusive to home-schoolers.
My husband and I are raising three children (our fourth passed away in 2008), and we, like most parents, have spent much time praying about and studying parenting. We strive to be proactive in identifying blind spots and addressing them.
The Christian family’s tendency to hide from the outside world has always been a concern of ours. We share the desire to avoid the world’s corruption and danger and protect our children from it. But we began asking ourselves if hiding from the world is godly.
Our conclusion is a resounding NO. Why?
Because:
God’s family is our example.
God chose us, and Jesus died for us, while we were still filthy with sin and haters of Him. He adopted us into His family. His family is open to all who will believe, no matter their past, no matter their heritage. We believe our families are to be like His. We must not become insular or closed to outsiders.
Over-emphasizing family time makes your family a clique. It fosters arrogance and judgmental attitudes in your children. It draws everyone’s eyes inward in fear and pride instead of outward in love and compassion. And arrogance, judgment, fear, and pride will weaken, not strengthen, your children for the time when they must go into the world as God’s ambassadors.
We are commanded to interact with the people in our community.
God has given us a mission: to share the good news of how we may be reconciled to Him. In Acts 1:8, Jesus instructs the disciples to tell everyone about him, starting where they lived. “You will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”
I have seen how families in our neighborhood who refuse to interact with their neighbors come off. Some interpret their behavior as suspicious and fear illegal activity (drugs, perversion, child abuse). Others read it as arrogance. Either way, it creates unnecessary antagonism, destroys any chance of being able to share the gospel, and represents an unbiblical and un-Christ-like image of God’s people.
In my next post, I will finish sharing why and how to engage the world for Christ in the context of our families.
Joy blogs at Joy In This Journey. She credits her oldest daughter Elli (now in heaven) with forcing her out into her community. Elli’s special needs required public education, in-home help, and the expertise of hundreds of people they would never have met otherwise. You can also find her on Twitter.
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Some goodness to be revealed soon…in the meantime, have you been to TommyNelson.com yet?
Wow, this is a good post and has definitely intrigued me! I'm looking forward to part 2….
Amanda´s last [type] ..Time Away- Simplifying and Finished Projects
Amanda´s last [type] ..Time Away- Simplifying and Finished Projects
So true … and I completely agree that it is not unique to homeschooling families … we all do it. Rooted in good intentions, we fail in godly obedience. Thank you for this significant and pointed reminder. Can't wait to read tomorrow's post!
TeriLynneU´s last [type] ..Simple Counsel
TeriLynneU´s last [type] ..Simple Counsel
Great post!
Kristy Kish´s last [type] ..Ramblings on a Thursday
Kristy Kish´s last [type] ..Ramblings on a Thursday
I agree with this although we also have to be careful not to go too far the other direction. Our children do not have to be exposed to certain things of this world to understand it. We can walk with our children and give them the necessary information. But there are definitely things and people that my children should not and will not be exposed to, things they shouldn't even open their minds to. I look forward to the next post on this subject!
Tina´s last [type] ..Lists- To Dos- Planning
Tina´s last [type] ..Lists- To Dos- Planning
Isn't the heart of the matter selfishness? As Christians/families, after loving God with all our hearts, we are to love one another and treat others as we wish to be treated. When we get our eyes off ourselves and truly love others, reaching out falls right into place. As we walk alongside our children, we can train them and teach them how to love others as we learn it ourselves:)
Rhonda´s last [type] ..Falling Flat On My Face
Rhonda´s last [type] ..Falling Flat On My Face
It's a very tight wire and a fine balance…
Trusting in the Lord,
C
Mum´s last [type] ..Are You Feeling the Call to Homeschool
Mum´s last [type] ..Are You Feeling the Call to Homeschool
I agree with Mum, "A very tight wire and fine balance."
I'm not sure I agree with this part though.
"Over-emphasizing family time makes your family a clique. It fosters arrogance and judgmental attitudes in your children. It draws everyone’s eyes inward in fear and pride instead of outward in love and compassion."
I think in the culture that we live in it is very important to emphasize family time. Most youth today don't want to spend anytime with family. I don't know. Something I will definitely pray about. Thanks for posting this.
Heather´s last [type] ..Its a matter of life or death
Heather´s last [type] ..Its a matter of life or death
Good thoughts. I know my family has always been very closely knit (both my immediate family and my extended family)–but our goal has always been to bring others into the family. We rarely have a "family" time that doesn't include someone who's not biologically or legally family. We have family dinners every Sunday after church (five of the seven of us are grown and no longer living at home, but those of us who are close still attend the same church), and we generally have two to six "extras" around the table.
The topic reminds me of the promise of God to Abraham–that he and his offspring would be blessed so that they could be a blessing to all the families of the earth. In the same way, our families are not given merely for our own sake, but for the sake of inviting others into the family of God.
bekahcubed´s last [type] ..Flashback- Movies Yes About those
bekahcubed´s last [type] ..Flashback- Movies Yes About those
Having just been "out in the world" (or at least out of the house) yesterday for a homeschool get-together, I'm feeling very resistant to this message just now. And its frequency.
I have discovered I am an introvert, which means interacting with people (even dearly loved people, like my own family) drains me. I am still shellshocked and recovering from an (otherwise positive) people-dense afternoon yesterday.
I get frustrated by calls like these to "go out and engage the world" because it feels (in my newly gluten-free state) like someone is cheerfully urging me to "eat the cupcake" or the whole wheat bread, like it was something simple if I just wanted to enough.
Yeah, I'm not Celiac. The gluten is not going to strip my insides and inhibit nutrient absorption– but it is not easy on my system either.
What I would love to hear in part 2 (or from any fellow-introverts who've found the Magic) is what kind of low-ratio activities there are for families to be involved in. We already know how to invite a single family over, or meet at a park for a friendly game of soccer, but this doesn't put us in much contact with unbelievers, so I still wonder what's left for us.
Amy Jane (Weaving St´s last [type] ..Sometimes I Wonder
Amy Jane (Weaving St´s last [type] ..Sometimes I Wonder
@ Heather, for me, the key is "OVER-emphasis" on family time, to the exclusion of others. I completely agree with you that family time is important and good. But our families ought not be closed units, which is an easy pattern to fall into.
@Amy Jane, being around others wears me out too. I need downtime to process and renew my strength. It sounds to me like your concept of low-ratio activities is perfect for your family. That's the kind of environment in which children can watch you, learn, and imitate safely. Everyone is different, and every family is different. So "going out" will look different for all of us, and that's OK.
I've been exploring the topic of introversion and the church, which is, unsurprisingly, a somewhat ignored topic. I have found a couple of blog that address this topic. Please don't read this as an endorsement – I haven't read them thoroughly enough to vouch for their doctrine. But they might be of interest:
http://www.introvertedchurch.com/ (many links to posts on introversion in ministry)
http://www.ronedmondson.com/2010/08/introverts-in… (book review and links to a few posts)
Joy´s last [type] ..Is Your Family A Clique
Joy´s last [type] ..Is Your Family A Clique
Now THIS is interesting.
Clique-ish tendencies may not be unique to homeschool families, but homeschooling + family integrated worship + parent lead courtship + etc etc etc can certainly bring it to a whole new level.
None of these things are wrong in and of themselves, but they do enable us to squeeze the universe into a ball.
Unsinkable Kristen´s last [type] ..Stay Tuned- Reader Friends
Unsinkable Kristen´s last [type] ..Stay Tuned- Reader Friends
I felt a bit uncomfortable reading this as it felt to me like an attempt to over correct a perceived weakness in homeschooling families. I've realized that no matter how we slice and dice it, what we do in our homes and in our families is ultimately up to our husbands. It can become a source of discontent when the home educating wife/mom suddenly hears that she is not "out and about" enough with her children.
I think it is wise for all of us to be careful that we don't place burdens on others because we ourselves have found an area to work on in our own families.
Blessings,
Pamela
(homeschooling since 1992)
This is an awesome topic and one that hits close to home. I know all too well the damage that being closed off to outsiders, can cause to someone who is trying to find a friend in Jesus to help them. You really hit the nail on the head with this one. We are not wrong for doing any of these, but over exclusion can be taken as unGodly or unwilling to spread the Gospel. We are called to be the example and let our light shine to help win souls. Thanks for reminding us of that.
Valencia´s last [type] ..Feminine Friday
Valencia´s last [type] ..Feminine Friday
Another great call for balance. We need to emphasize family time, family unity and "family comes before friends." But in our emphasis, we can't neglect the people God has called us to reach.
Amy Jane, I feel for you. Maybe your family's ministry can be one that no one else ever sees you doing? Dropping food at the door of a needy family under cover of night? Prayer warriors? Raking leaves/shoveling snow for older ladies and gents? The body of Christ has many parts. We don't all need to be mouths. ;-)
Sarah Mae, may I post a link to this at my blog? It's fanTAStic food for thought.
Dellaina´s last [type] ..I never thought about it this way
Dellaina´s last [type] ..I never thought about it this way
I admit I was a little put off by the homeschooling statements, but as I reread it, it seems that you weren't saying ALL homeschooling families do this. For myself, I would tend to view children closed up in a school building all day as more shut off, whereas kids who don't go to school are out and about in the community and able to participate in it at a deeper level. I suppose it is how one looks at it, and how one goes about doing both. Family as a clique…I have to ponder this more. Family is that place that should be a refuge. I know as a mother, I feel that part of my vocation is showing hospitality to my children. Do they feel like they are burdens to be tolerated until they are adults? Or do they feel welcome, loved, and wanted? Do They know that I enjoy their presence in my life? Do they feel comfortable at home or do they feel like they have to be perfect and tow a fine line? But yes, I do feel it's good for the wider culture and good for us as well to be around people and to get along with those who may be very different than ourselves.
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