A Divided Heart
“In that moment the two conflicted drives of my heart stood out in stark contrast-my commitment to motherhood versus my lurking desire to have life my own way.” P. 45
As I read through the third chapter in Mission of Motherhood, again I was struck with a theme: a divided heart.
Oh I often find myself in the familiar arena of selfishness and self-will. My darlings become an interruption; they have just too many needs, too much conflict…they just need me too much.
Wait, they do need me too much, and that is the way God made it. I am to lay down my life for them. I am to teach and train and love them as they grow through all the stages God intended for them to walk through.
“More and more, I have learned to see my children though the eyes of God and to accept the stages of growth through which he has designed them to grow.” P. 54
Why do I fight this calling on my life? I know why, sin. I have a sin nature just yearning to be free from responsibility…aching to live my way in my time frame. My little ones have the same sin nature (we all do), and it is my job at this time to help them take control of it through His strength. If I am to teach them the importance of reigning in our sin nature, delaying gratification, and laying down our our desires for the pleasing will of God, then I had better be a diligent model of what I’m preaching (again, through His strength).
A commitment to motherhood.
A full out, full-time joy commitment to raising eternal souls for the glory of God.
I’m in.
I’m in the fight to die to myself every day…and oh what a fight it is!
But I love my babes, and I love my calling and I love my God. It is all worth it.
“If a woman chooses to stay at home with her children, she has the opportunity of nursing her baby in the peacefulness of her own home, caressing her precious little one, singing sweet lullabies to comfort and please the child’s deepest emotional desires. She can offer them the restfulness of long, quiet naps in their own bedrooms. She has time to enrich the home environment with beautiful sights and smells – from the aromas of homemade soup bubbling on the stove to the beautiful pictures in books-and arrange outings that foster budding intellects and awaken curiosity. And she has the flexibility to change her schedule to respond to teachable moments-those times when children’s natural curiosity leads them to question and learn. Best of all, when a mother chooses to stay home, she has the time and opportunity to craft the kind of relationship with her young children that only extended time together can foster.” P. 48
If you’re reading along, would you leave a comment letting me know what stood out to you in this chapter?
Photo Credit: Divided Heart by The Show Must Go On
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Trust the Lord with your whole heart and lean not on your own understanding…
Ack! I'm behind… on commenting, that is.
Just finished this chapter last night. I'll go back and share what I loved from the first chapters and then be back to share on this one.
thanks!
Great thoughts Sarah Mae – I loved long quote from page 48!
For me the most profound statement I found in this chapter is on page 43 "Choices have consequences. How we choose to focus our priorities and time in light of our children's lives will have great consequences not only for their individual futures but for the future of our society as well."
It goes along with Galatians 6:7 which I blogged about today – we reap what we sow. Choices have consequences…
And as you said Sarah Mae – there's a battle raging will I choose to follow my selfish will or sacrifice? Will I sow seeds to the flesh or Spirit? It's a daily struggle to follow Luke 9:23 and deny myself. But Jesus is so worthy!
Thanks for helping me to pick this book back up again and soak it in.
Much Love,
Courtney
Courtney(WomenLiving´s last [type] ..Are You Exhausted Teaching Your Children the Same Lessons Over and Over and Over
Courtney(WomenLiving´s last [type] ..Are You Exhausted Teaching Your Children the Same Lessons Over and Over and Over
Courtney – yes, that is powerful, the fact that our choices *do* have consequences for the lives of our children and society! Wow!
Just had to say that I feel like your blog is such a blessing to so many! Myself included. Its wonderful to read about your struggles with motherhood and sin, yet still have the sense that you are so committed to your role that God gave you, instead of giving in to the flesh. In today's world its hard to find women who believe the same way as me, and even though its on the internet, you greatly encourage me!!!
Tina´s last [type] ..Randomness
Tina´s last [type] ..Randomness
Thank you Tina – women like you greatly encourage me!
"Children do not accidentally become righteous leaders or emotionally healthy and productive adults–any more than seeds thrown randomly to the wind grow to be part of a thriving garden. Simply throwing children into a cultural tornado and hoping for the best gives them little chance of living up to their potential or coming out unharmed".
Sallly goes on to say that children need someone to "take responsibility for thier nurture, protection, nourishment, intellectual development, manners, recreation, personal needs, and spiritual development". Who but a mother, would invest so much in one child? Who would care so much? I often remind myself about these things when I am having a tough time with my son and doubting my abilities to provide a well-rounded childhood. I tend to question myself and wonder if I am doing the right things and teaching him all that needs to be taught. I usually end up w/ the same answer…who is going to care as much as I do and invest quality and loving time into my son more than I could? And with Christ's unfailing love and grace, I know I will do just fine.
It is a constant battle to die to myself. My sin nature is huge! I Thank God, I can come to him and confess and know I am forgiven because of Christ. I Thank God, for his word that teaches me a better way to live.
This applies to all areas of life, not just children.
This is a beautiful quote. Thanks.
Laryssa @ Heaven In´s last [type] ..Cooking With Kids- Kim Chi
Laryssa @ Heaven In´s last [type] ..Cooking With Kids- Kim Chi
My first child hasn't been born yet (due 12/17/10) but I have been reading the "Mission of Motherhood" along with everyone as I believe that my beautiful baby will benefit from the investment I have made learning from other women who are already mothers.
What stuck out to me was the section on being a "wise builder". Proverbs 14:1 says "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down". With each child I have, I leave a legacy. I often think of the type of legacy I want to leave behind.
This portion of the book reminds me of a poem I read years ago in "Verses of Virtue" by Hattie Vose Hall called "Two Temples". It made such an impression on me that I jotted it down to read every now and then.
A builder buildeth a temple,
He wrought it with grace and skill;
Pillars and groins and arches
All fashioned to work his will.
Men said, as they saw its beauty,
“It shall never know decay;
Great is thy skill, O Builder!
Thy fame shall endure for aye.”
A Mother builded a temple
With loving and infinite care,
Planning each arch with patience
Laying each stone with prayer.
None praised her unceasing efforts,
None knew of her wondrous plan,
For the temple the Mother builded
Was unseen by the eyes of man.
Gone is the builder’s temple,
Crumpled into the dust;
Low lies each stately pillar,
Food for consuming rust,
But the temple the Mother builded
Will last while ages roll,
For that beautiful unseen temple
Was a child’s immortal soul.
Thanks Sarah Mae for encouraging us to read this book! I am enjoying it!
Great thoughts ladies! So thankful we can encourage each other in this way.
"How we choose to focus our priorities and time in light of our children's lives will have great consequences not only for their individual futures but for the future of our society as well."
I know this quote has already been shared and discussed and it was one of my favorites as well. I was left feeling humbled by the gift I have been given to be a mother and spurred on to constantly examine my priorities in light of this gift.
"As I began to seek God in this area, however, he gently began to put his finger on the real source of my dissatisfaction, which lay not on my specific choices or my skills as a mother, but in my divided heart. How could I put all of me into my time at home if I was always thinking about a future time when I could escape the routine tasks of motherhood?"
This was me just a few short years ago. My heart was divided and my focus was mostly on just getting my kids to kindergarten so I could get a little space and decide what I wanted to do. Sure, I enjoyed my kids and certainly loved them, but didn't find purpose in my mothering. The Lord used a move, isolation, and an unexpected pregnancy to work in my life in major ways and I am continually thankful for it. Thank goodness He prepared my heart to be homeward focused, to support my husband, to embrace my life at home and to teach my little ones at home. I am amazed at how the Holy Spirit transforms our lives when we immerse ourselves in His Word, prayer, and submit to Him.
The last thing spoke to the burden that I have for mothers that I come into contact on a regular basis. My heart is that they would seek the Lord concerning their families and truly use the bible as a guide, along with prayer, when making decisions concerning their focus and perspective.
"My husband and I have often said that, in the absence of biblical convictions, people will go the way of their culture. Without biblical conviction, the tendency is to blindly accept the norms or standards of the people with whom we spend time. That means we can allow the media and our peers to shape our ideas about motherhood and family instead of basing our decisions on the eternal truth of Scripture."
Looking forward to next week!
Jennifer´s last [type] ..Mom- Mommy- Mama
Jennifer´s last [type] ..Mom- Mommy- Mama
Oh wow … did I need to read this or what?!?!? I should be reading this book! I may look it up on Amazon right now.
I am sitting here in the library so my daughter can play games on a computer. I am pouting because I didn't get to go to intercessory prayer tonight because my husband (who works hard so that I can stay home) went to pick up a piece of equipment. MY plans were interrupted. The one night I get in a couple of weeks — and in one second — it was taken away from me.
I have been dealing with feelings of anger yet guilt. I love my daughter and prayed for years to be a Mom.
Yep, I need to read this book — as my flesh is CRUCIFIED!
Thank you for sharing!
Beth
Beth´s last [type] ..Wide or Narrow Your choice
Beth´s last [type] ..Wide or Narrow Your choice
I really hope you do this book as a bible study in your home because I so want to read this now!
Amanda´s last [type] ..The difference God makes in my choice to stay at home
Amanda´s last [type] ..The difference God makes in my choice to stay at home
I recently "stumbled" across your blog and know that God has sent me here to hear this message today. I've been frustrated with my time, my schedule, my needs, etc…
I guess the problem is "my" divided heart. Thank you for sharing this.
Jenelle @ Frugal Fam´s last [type] ..Construction Cake
Jenelle @ Frugal Fam´s last [type] ..Construction Cake
Divided heart… perfect title. I have this on my heart lately. With home education offical "start back" dates, our norm routines and tring to do these things in Gods strength and not my own. I feel divided at times and the Lord has brought to me…. this chapter and the scripture from Revelations about being luke warm. I want to be passionate about this calling but not in my doings! BUT passionate about His power in my life and calling for me. I love this book. It is awesome reading it with you. Sally is a lovey woman with a real heart for Christ. What a mentor. Sending warm hugs Sarah Mae. Angelia in TX
"Today's mothers attempt to juggle jobs, families, needs, and expectations… They smash into the reality that it's simply impossible for one person to do it all well…" page 42
This has been me. Many times. And it felt good when people would ask, "How do you do it all?" Under the surface, was a frazzled impatient person who was less than happy trying to juggle it ALL.
Though I work full-time during the school year, God has changed my heart and how I view my family time and non-school days. I no longer take large ministry roles at church because it cuts into my home ministry. I say NO often. We keep our evenings and weekends extremely simple so we can enjoy our children.
This book is definitely impacting my view of motherhood. It is helping me to treasure every moment I have with my children. I am better understanding the fierce importance of seeking the Word daily and training my children in the Lord.
I was especially touched by the tender story of the midwife on p. 55-56 who got on eye level, said "Hello, precious one," took her hand, gently and humbly assisted her, voice was "a constant flow of soft encouragement" — What a loving example of showing Jesus to those around us!
I bought this book last week after you mentioned it, and dove right in. I'm already on chapter 3 – matter of fact, started it this morning – and several passages on page 45 leaped right out at me.
Background: I am 51 years old and have two daughters. One is a 23 year old graduate student; the other, a nine year old third grader. Yes, you read that correctly. During this season of our lives, most of my peers are enjoying grandchildren, tons of time to themselves to pursue ministry or careers, etc. Oh, how I struggle with this. I love my children and would not change anything about my life, but there are times when I long for stretches of me-me-me-me time. "Well, I could be doing this thing in my career if only…." or "I could take on this ministry at church if only…." Honestly, I feel awful even typing that out. I have never even expressed it aloud, so ashamed am I of feeling that way.
So the words:
…the two conflicted drives of my heart stood out in stark contrast- my commitment to motherhood versus my lurking desire to have life my own way. And from that moment on, I became a little clearer about which path I needed to follow if I really wanted to reflect God's design….
had me leaping for a pen, pencil, anything to mark them so I would not forget.
I have a question for you ladies, is this book only for SAHMs? I'm guessing no, because I read the comment above from becca banana. I bought this book this weekend and was going to do a study on it with some friends in the future.. but I have several friends who work and just wondered how that would go. I don't want it to turn into anything ugly! I am extrememly passionate about women being in the home and have to be careful at what I say sometimes. I want to offer truth but be graceful at the same time! So, I'm concerned! On of my friends works mainly because her husband has CF. He is doing well but if it gets to the point of him not working she needs to maintain the income and insurance for their family (they have a 1 yr old son) and I'd want her to be involved if she was able.
Crystal´s last [type] ..Letter I
Crystal´s last [type] ..Letter I
Crystal, the book is very encouraging and is for all women – Sally is extremely gracious and sensitive to where others are.
Thanks so much!
Crystal´s last [type] ..Letter I
Crystal´s last [type] ..Letter I
Oh boy, do I ever have a divided heart! I have a tremendous desire to stay at home with my kids and homeschool. My husband is a stay at home dad, but would like to work outside the home. Please pray for God to restore our marital places to where He inteneded them to be. Thank you so much.
Kim
I want to say that I am so touched by this. I just had my 6th baby 3 months ago, and have been in somewhat of a "copnflicting heart crisis." I turned away from so many of the wonderful changes that had convicted me so long ago, and have put a foot back into the world. I have also let the world back into my home. It has only been a month, but I have many months of backtracking and healing to do now, that I could have avoided had I just been totally faithful on God to get me through this weird time of hormones and change. This is inspirational. I'm back on the right track. I'm getting my kids back to where they need to be….I can feel the Lord again when He has felt far away from me…only because I pushed Him away. :)