The Heart of it All (Being a ‘Keeper at Home’)
Oh, why bother talking about this anymore?
Why does it matter if a woman chooses to be a homemaker or a career woman?
I submit, there are many, many pressing needs in the world that seem to demand more a focus then something as divisive as exhorting women to be homemakers…yet…
Nestled in the heart of God is a foundation laid for women that makes so much sense. And while His ideas often seem crazy, they are, none-the-less, His ideas.
So it is with a humble offering, I continue to speak on it.
Today, I’d like to peek behind the ink into the meaning…
οἰκουρός (oikourgos), a Greek word, found in Titus 2:5:
- Working at home*
- Watching or keeping the house, of a watch dog**
- The word oikourgos is a compound word made from oikos (a house; a dwelling) and ergon (work).*
- This compound word is not found anywhere else in scripture (so we can’t compare it)
- Used in other sources as speaking contemptuously of a man, staty-at-home, as opposed to one who goes forth to war**
If we look to God’s Word as the source of wisdom and authority and truth (2 Timothy3:16), we should be able to see that, according to Titus 2:5, a married woman with children is to be a keeper/worker at home.
However you flesh it out, the very basic principle is that women have a homeward calling.
Does this mean a woman/mother can’t work outside the home? No, it doesn’t.
Does this mean a woman/mother can be a ‘career’ woman, working full-time outside the home? I don’t know. I also do not know, in all realty, how a woman could give her days to a job and yet serve her family well, keeping the home, training her children, submitting first to her husband.
I know I’m not every woman, so I can’t speak for how everyone manages their household, but I do know how many thousands of moments of training are in a day, and I know that no one can train them and love them like me (not because I’m great, but because I’m their mommy). No one else can tuck them into naps like I can. No one else can greet them from their nap with my smile and hugs. No one else can kiss the boo boo’s like me, and no one else can intervene during the many sibling conflicts and teach love like I can…because I’m their mommy and it’s my job to grow up those eternal souls and train them in the Lord. I grew them in my body, and I nurtured them with my body. They are not someone else’s to care for and train, they are mine, as gifts from a most gracious God, to be His.
I know life is messy. I know some of you long to be home and some of you have to work. We do what we have to do. All for the glory of God, in His grace.
*Strong’s Numbers http://strongsnumbers.com/greek/3626.htm
**Henry George Liddell, Robert Scott, A Greek-English Lexicon http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus:text:1999.04.0057:entry%3D%2372383&redirect=true
In response to your first question: it matters very much whether moms decide to have a career outside the home or not. One reason is because the home is the smallest unit of society and culture; what happens there is duplicated thousands of times over until the very fabric of our culture and society are impacted. The generations that come after us will reap what we sow, in the words of Sarah Groves. I like your emphasis on "homeward calling"–I feel this is right in line with Scripture. And, in response to an earlier post about no biblical model for the home–there is one! Genesis 1-3, the way God created and ordered creation; I'd say that's an excellent model!
Wow – you covered a lot here. An in depth Bible study within a blog post! Thought provoking and rich.
I agree, our hearts are to be at home and where our treasure is, our heart is also. Our children won't always need us close by – they grow up all too fast. There really is life after our kids are grown. Meanwhile, no one can take the place of one's mother.
Thanks for tackling such a tough subject with grace.
Thank you for sharing from your heart… I appreciate you humbly sharing your perspective.
I am up early, washing windows, listening to Scripture, Proverbs… thinking about the Proverbs 31 woman, who certainly had a myriad of careers and was faithfully serving her family. How God beautifully creates and gifts women and all for the Kingdom.
May I humbly ask? Can one be a blogger and a mommy? I think about this. There are many ways we work and have full-time careers and still passionately love our children and our husbands and I just quietly pray that in all things, we may glorify Jesus and serve Him.
A Drawer for it All…nothing is simple it seems. I pray as well, that in all things, we would glorify Jesus and serve Him.
Oh, and I love that P31 woman-what an inspiration! She certainly was an entrepreneur and quite industrious!
And I submit, being "at" home doesn't make you at home. It's more than a physical presence.
You spoke my heart completely today! Thank you for standing up for women by seeing their true Godly potential.
I love you Sarah Mae! This is so dear to my heart. I believe Scripure is so clear. I have read the P31 women over and over and there is nothing that tells me she was away from her family. I may be reading into the text here, but they didn't have schools back then, and children were very much apart of what their parents did. Who's to say her children weren't there by her side being trained. I know I don't bring food from afar but when I do go out grocery shopping, my children are with me. I haven't planted a vinyard but my children help me in the garden. I haven't purchased a field but our kids where with us when we chose our home.
Our time is so short with our children, how can we teach them like Deut. 6:7-8 say, if someone else is the primary influence in their lives?
I realize many people have different situations, I was a single mother for 4.5 years before I married my husband. I worked for the first few years of my sons life and was burdened greatly (after listening to John MacArthur's sermon on Mothers) to stay home. I wasn't his primary influence and everything I taught him in the small hours of the night and weekends was only undone when he was with someone else. The Lord worked a miricle for me to stay home! I feel very strong about this issue and I feel this is where the Church should be stepping in to help moms and hurting families…like Acts 2:45.
I am sorry this is long winded but you nailed it when you said: They are not someone else’s to care for and train, they are mine, as gifts from a most gracious God, to be His.
~Erin
Great post (as usual!) Sarah Mae!
I'm not a mom, or a wife anymore, but I do remember in the 8 months of being married that all I wanted to do was stay at home. My husband was sick with cancer, and so he couldn't do much around the house. It was left to me to care for the house, care for my husband, and work full-time to bring in our income. It was exhausting. It put stress on our lives and our marriage. It would've been impossible for us to continue in that path and maintain a successful and healthy marriage.
Though my husband has passed away, and it is now just me in our house – I still find it overwhelming to have to take care of my home and work full-time. It is difficult and stressful! I think that sometimes when people here "homemaker" they automatically include kids in the equation – but there are plenty of us out there with no kids (and even no husband) who still struggle to get it all done at home while working full-time.
I wish I could figure out a way to just be a "stay at home person" – haha!
I appreciate you not saying that having a career outside the home is a sin. I also appreciate your firm standing that God's Word says a woman's first priority is the home. (See also 1 Timothy 5:14 which instructs young widows to get married, bear children, and keep house). My mother was a SAHM and I don't know what I would have done if she had worked outside the home. She stayed at home even when all 4 of us kids went to public school. She would get all the grocery shopping, cleaning, Bible studies, lunch dates with friends done while we were at school and she was there for us from the time we came home from school until we went to bed at night. She helped me with my home work, listened to me as I shared my problems, cooked us dinner, went to every single one of our sporting events, and basically was just available to us. As a Christian in a public school, I didn't have many Christian friends and my mom was my best friend because she was the only one who understood my heart and desire to please the Lord and she was there for me!
I will not tell a woman that it is a sin to work outside the home. But I will challenge her to ask herself if she can truly "do it all". The Bible teaches that a woman's main priorities are her husband and children. Are their needs really being met with you having all these other commitments? Maybe they are. That's not for me to decide.
This morning I had blogged about some of the things I've learned about parenting. They could work, I suppose, for a mom who had a career … but I honestly don't see how. I am challenged enough as a homemaker to fulfill my calling. I am so encouraged and blessed to see women use their voice and influence to impact the globe; thanks for standing up for Biblical womanhood and godly parenting.
Conversely, I was at at home wife and mom for a few years before I ever embraced the calling of homemaker. There were many moms who worked outside of their home and were more effective at parenting and marriage than I was.
There is so much to learn … so much to BECOME!
Rachel W – I am a HUGE fan of Sara Groves. Her music has ministered to me in a lot of different ways. However, in order for her to make that music she often has to spend SIGNIFICANT time away from her family and her household. She writes, she tours, she records. I know she often takes her children with her, but she still has to turn her focus from them for extended periods of time. My point is simply that many women who minister to us work outside the home and God uses them greatly.
Sarah Mae – I appreciate your posts! I never get around to actually commenting but I did want to leave a quick note this morning. This concept of being a Home-Maker is something I'm trying to weave into the teaching of my youth group girls… and I say weave because it seems they don't believe it to be "Enough" or "viable". Sad. And these are "church kids" – born and raised. Thanks for your encouragement to keep plugging at it!
Thanks for more scriptural highlights Sarah Mae…
I'm glad to be 'Keeper of My Home'
:)
I am finding more and more that I am losing the hearts of my friends (who work outside the home placing their children in daycare as newborns!) when I speak about this myself. I hope that is not your experience. It is a topic near to my heart, thanks for being another to write on it. :)
Blessing,
Leslie
Love this – "the very basic principle is that women have a homeward calling".
May we answer that call with all our hearts!
Stacey
Sarah Mae, with all due respect, your blog, the Relevant conference, and any other projects you take on are a job for you, right? I mean, with what I'm doing, and I know putting on an event like a conference takes a ton of work, means juggling my kids and my day to get it all done. But, according to the podcast "one of those two things will win." Last night, my event planning won. It doesn't happen everyday, but it had to be done to ensure success of a project very important to me and many others.
It sounds like the argument of "full-time outside the home" is getting lost. Honestly, it doesn't matter if your full-time, part-time in the home, out of the home. You are doing something else that, according to what Piper said, takes your focus off your ministry of your family, right?
I guess it all goes back to scripture and how I feel the Lord directing our family.
Andrea, Thanks for your comment. :) Yes, I do have projects going on, but, for example, I work while my babes are napping or in the evening once they are in bed. Also, I plan days on the weekend to work on Relevant (or during nap times if I need to make phone calls). My husband gives me a few hours about once/month to really work on Relevant. I can also snag some time here and there if need be. I am definitely not full-time working in my home by any stretch of the imagination as far as my conference or blog! My focus and ministry is in my home…although I definitely need to improve it in many ways! I am so inspired by the P31 woman – she is a beautiful example of a woman who worked hard, took care of her home and family well, was incredibly industrious, and very entrepreneurial!
Let me also make it very clear that I do not have it all together and things in my home aren't perfect! I fall so so short, but I'm not giving up!
The only part of your comment I would disagree with is the "how I feel the Lord directing" comment. The Holy Spirit does speak and direct, but not in contradiction to the Word of God, because "All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness." 2 Timothy 3:16 :)
I love Sarah Mae that you always use scripture when you speak of your convictions. A big saying in our household when we talk about our opinions etc is "chapter, verse". It is so important that our lives and decisions align with the word of God (taking in the context and meaning). I love your posts and I love your heart.
I get so frustrated when it turns into a heated debate instead of an opportunity to lovingly point someone to God's word…or introduce them to the saving power of Christ. Keeping the Him as the main thing is so important…especially in our homes and in raising our children.
Tiffany – "chapter, verse" LOVE that! :)
yes sarah mae…there are many many more pressing issues in our world to worry about other than moms being home! funny thing is though is that we wouldnt have all these other pressing issues if famlies were living under the Lord's perfect design….keep preaching truth sister. the downfall of our nation is that Christians arent standing up for what is right, noble and God-honoring….I am praying for revival among families…for softened hearts and conviction from the Holy Spirit to live out our calling as moms
I like your blog and have put off commenting, however, some women work outside the home because of circumstances that arise in their lives. We do not know what goes on in people lives that cause some women to work outside the home. I am a big believer in everyone has the right to their opinion no matter if I agree with them or not. I am not trying to be confrontational but this issue is not so black and white. If you were to ask some women that work outside the home would they like to stay at home they would say yes in a heart beat. Speaking what the bible says is a must but as Christians I feel we need to be supporting one another no matter what.
Hi Kimberly :)
Perhaps you missed this:" I know life is messy. I know some of you long to be home and some of you have to work. We do what we have to do. All for the glory of God, in His grace."
Also, did you read my A Word on Grace post that's linked?
Well, I for one, think it's great to see so many moms refuting Mr. Begg's rather silly quote by typing comments, Tweeting, and blogging.
I really enjoyed reading this post today! Thank you for it. I'm a stay at home mom to my daughters (6yrs and nearly 2yrs) and it is a full time job and I don't even live in a house. Keeping up an apartment is tough work, as well as meal planning, playing with the kids, homeschooling, trying to make time for my studies with the Lord, and being a wife to my husband. There are days when I am so tired and I feel so under appreciated that I just want to yell at times…I could be doing something else, something of more importance…but when I'm honest with myself and my husband brings me back down to reality (which he so often has to do, bless his heart) I realize that the most important job I could be doing, is being a mother and raising my kids to become Godly woman of Christ and to teach them and to be the Woman my husband needs me to be. ( because his needs change)
If anything, this post made me feel appreciation for my mom, because she was a stay at home mom until I was in High School and then she cleaned houses while I was at school, but always home by the time I was home. My dad worked incredibly hard (sheet metal foreman) so that she could stay home and manage the home and take care of me and my brothers. It was a sacrifice they made for us. They moved us out of the city and into the country so we kids could have a better life. My dad never had paid time off ( ever) so when we did take mini vacations to the beach or camping, the time was always special and treasured. My dad completely supported my mom in her efforts to stay home and never pressured her to work outside the home. Things were occasionally tight, but we always pulled through and they budgeted their money so carefully.
I am feeling incredibly grateful to my parents and to my husband that he supports me in every way so I can stay home with our girls.
I just read it…I am glad that you wrote. Because I am tired of people judging me when I chose to stay home and then I am judge when I decided to work outside the home. I am glad that you can stand for what you believe and still show grace to women that decide to take another route.
Well said Sarah, from scripture and the heart.
Excellent blog post! Thank you for staying faithful the The Word!!
@ Andrea – I think the podcast is Alistair Begg, not Piper.
I do have to agree with you that there are big wholes in these points being made about "keeper of the home" meaning staying at home.
I stay at home with my kids. My mom stayed at home with us. I DO value it so much! But, can we really say that keeper of the home means staying at home all/most of the time? Most of your arguments have to do with mothering. What about someone without kids? With grown kids? With kids in school most of the time? Titus 2 doesn't make a point of this talking about moms. It is talking about women. So, is it really saying "stay at home".
I know, Sarah Mae, you have said that you are not sure that working full time is a sin, but it may be. I am not sure that the issue is necessarily the hours that one works.
Alistair's point – "Do not kid yourself that you can be a dental receptionist and a mother; that you can be a typist and a mom;…One of the two things will win." is not a well made point, imo.
Does that mean that to be a keeper at home one must devote all the energies to their own home, least something else "win".
When you say your husband give you a few hours to work on your conference stuff, is he then being the "keeper of the home"? Any less so than the man who is the primary parent 2 days a week? Is a woman guilty of possibly blaspheming God, if she pays a house cleaner to do some of her chores?
Like I said, I value being a stay at home mom. I am grateful that my mom was one. I esteem the calling highly. I appreciate efforts to elevate the value of home & family & parenting. Institutional daycare & such grieves me.
But, I value my husband being an active parent & a willing participant in household chores.
I also believe that children do well to spend some independent time, without mom by their side constantly. And they benefit from other people building into their lives, not just mom. What about grandparent time?
Yes. If we aren't by our child's side at every moment, we might "miss a teaching moment". But, good thing God is the one molding their little hearts.
I wish reading your blog did not make my heart hurt so much. But it does. There HAS to be a way to emphasize the importance of our families and children without being so divisive. Because even though I understand that to NOT be your intent, it is. Why does motherhood have to be such a competition.
The deepest desire of my heart is to be at home with my children, but as you said life is messy and right now I have to make the best of the situation and trust God to give me the moments to mold my children. Thankfully family members provide our childcare. I believe that God will give me the desires of my heart one day, as I remain faithful and hopeful and continue to pray.
This is not black and white. This topic hits so close to home, and I can't be the only one who probably won't return to read again. My heart can't take it.
Sarah Mae, I think what some of us are experiencing is cognitive dissonance. You say you're all about grace but then you include a graceless Alistair Begg quote. You say you know life is messy but then you say a woman working outside the home might be sinful. You say you love and appreciate your sisters-in-Christ, but then you question their decision to work outside the home when you know very little about their life situation. You apologize for name-calling and then turn around and accuse others of not "speaking the truth in love." You question the biblical validity of women working outside the home, but then you manage multiple blogs, tweet and organize a blog conference. Can you see how some of us are feeling confused by the contradictions?
I loved this:
"I grew them in my body, and I nurtured them with my body. They are not someone else’s to care for and train, they are mine, as gifts from a most gracious God, to be His."
So very true.
I worked in a preschool for about 3 years with children 2 1/2 to 6 years old and it's heartbreaking how much parents can miss not having their children at home with them. From discipline and training, to kissing boo-boo's and comforting them after a nightmare, seeing the joy of understanding something new, and all the little moments in between when their little personalities come bubbling out. It's just too much for me to miss.
The worst part came when every now and then you'd hear a child slip up and call a teacher "mommy." Even as a teacher, it's heartbreaking to hear because you know what hearing that would do to the child's mom.
I have been tempted to go back to work, but when I think of the stress of balancing schedules and then seeing my little guy's face it just doesn't seem worth it anymore.
"I also do not know, in all realty, how a woman could give her days to a job and yet serve her family well, keeping the home, training her children, submitting first to her husband."
Sarah Mae, I may be taking this the wrong way, but this is kind of hurtful. I am 17, and my mom works full time outside the home doing church ministry. She is the most amazing woman I know, and she can do all the above.
As always though, I appreciate that you approach tough topics with grace :)
I have to agree with EE's comments. I won't reiterate them except to say that I too am unsettled by the contradictions, most especially when life circumstances vary to such a large degree with women. I know you stress 'grace' repeatedly, but I honestly see very little of it here.
I guess what I wonder is this. If we took this to the farthest logical conclusion, only men would be doctor's, lawyer's, teacher's, politician's, actor's, etc. Or single women, I guess. If women can not have "career's" does that mean that they can only be blue collar workers? Does having a "career" imply some sort of selfishness on the part of a woman? Can they not be enthusiastic about their work?
I've posted this before on other blogs but I want to post it again. Our family verse is "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and it's righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you." Seek ye first…Seek ye first. Seek first His Kingdom and when the King is foremost in your heart and mind, these things work out.
The other verse that colors my life is from Luke 2. When Jesus can not be found by his parents, they are anxious. When they finally find him, he says "Did you not know I had to be about my Father's business?" That is the question I ask myself every day. What is the Father's business for me today? Whatever His work for me is for the day and for the season of my life, that is where I want to be.
Elizabeth, let me answer your questions as best I can…
"Sarah Mae, I think what some of us are experiencing is cognitive dissonance. You say you’re all about grace but then you include a graceless Alistair Begg quote."
I debated whether or not to post that quote, I admit. I finally landed on posting it because it is my *opinion* that what he says holds true. Motherhood is a full-time job when you have little ones, and I submit, the most important job a woman can have. Why? She is training souls for their eternal purpose and destiny (and of course, no one’s kisses are better than mama’s throughout the day).
"You say you know life is messy but then you say a woman working outside the home might be sinful."
I believe you are referring to this quote (in full context): “I would like to say that it *is* possible that working outside the home in a “for real” job is a sin…I honestly am fleshing my thoughts on this out, but the end of Titus 2: 4,5 tells us why women are to be homemakers…”so we don’t blaspheme (or discredit) the Word of God. Wow. That is powerful.”
Life is messy. Black and white doesn’t always work. God uses people to complete His plans for His glory in any situation. However, there is still a goal…we still seek to live in obedience to the Word of God, not to gain salvation (that’s impossible) but because we love Him. So, is it a sin to work outside the home in a full-time career? I don’t know. All I know is that God calls His daughters-wives and mothers- to be homemakers. I also say we can disagree and still love one another.
"You say you love and appreciate your sisters-in-Christ, but then you question their decision to work outside the home when you know very little about their life situation."
I have said over and over again that life is messy – situations vary but God’s grace covers. Being a homemaker isn’t a salvation issue. I do love and appreciate my sisters-in-Christ. I'm going to quote someone else to make my point:
“… I am not saying that any mother who works outside the home is sinning. That is for each family to decide as they wrestle with the Scriptures and their circumstances. I know there are many mothers who have to work. My mother, like far too many women, was left to raise a child alone. She did not have the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom. My mother had to put food on the table.
“Other women’s husbands have died or are disabled. Some women have chosen career paths that allow them to work when their children are at school, and others work part-time as volunteers. All of this is in keeping with the Proverbs 31 woman…
“The ultimate question, however, is, “Are we working because we have to or because we don’t think our house is big enough or our car new enough or our bank accounts fat enough?” If it is the latter, we have crossed the line. That is when our children have been sacrificed on the altar of prosperity. That is when Moses’ warning echoes through the hall of history: ‘Then watch yourself, that you do not forget the Lord who brought you from the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery.”
-Dr. Voddie Baucham
“Family Driven Faith”
pages 163-164
I am trying to show women that God’s Word has an answer…He has a beautiful idea (command) that women have the focus on home – husband, children, ministry. We can still work and make money, but our careers are to be homeward.
"You apologize for name-calling and then turn around and accuse others of not “speaking the truth in love.”
I don’t recall name-calling, but if I said something to offend you (or someone else) by name-calling, I am sincerely sorry. I am so far from having it all together and sometimes my emotions take over and I say awful things. I hate that. I wish I could be perfect. Thank God for Jesus and His unfailing mercy.
"You question the biblical validity of women working outside the home, but then you manage multiple blogs, tweet and organize a blog conference."
I answered this question in an earlier comment: “I do have projects going on, but, for example, I work while my babes are napping or in the evening once they are in bed. Also, I plan days on the weekend to work on Relevant (or during nap times if I need to make phone calls). My husband gives me a few hours about once/month to really work on Relevant. I can also snag some time here and there if need be. I am definitely not full-time working in my home by any stretch of the imagination as far as my conference or blog! My focus and ministry is in my home…although I definitely need to improve it in many ways! I am so inspired by the P31 woman – she is a beautiful example of a woman who worked hard, took care of her home and family well, was incredibly industrious, and very entrepreneurial!
Let me also make it very clear that I do not have it all together and things in my home aren’t perfect! I fall so so short, but I’m not giving up!”
"Can you see how some of us are feeling confused by the contradictions?"
Yes. Here's my easy answer: Life is full of contradictions, and since I’m not perfect, I’m sure I have my share of them. I do, however, not see a contradiction in exhorting women with His Word and still loving them…although loving them should come first. Serena Woods (speaker at Relevant) did a video on this recently and I really appreciated it…she teaches me so much about grace and shows me just how far from it I can be sometimes: http://thecreamontop.tumblr.com/post/754560964/th…
None-the-less, I love grace. I would nothing without it. I screw up all the time.
And I debate myself all the time whether or not I should be speaking on these things at all…
But I do believe they are important enough to be talked about.
Oh, and if my answers don't satisfy, I'm sorry..again and again and again…because I'm going to fail you and others in many ways. But I'm still going to speak because I love my God and I believe that His Word is sufficient.
reluctant reader… so so so so hard… i feel your pain. i read, my heart breaks. I work full time outside the home. I am away from my kids from about 1-8pm. my kids nap from 1-3. so i'm missing about 5 hours with them. I DO STRONGLY believe, like Sarah said, that no one can care for my kids like me. no, not even my husband. I'm MOM!!! and that's that. but I also believe that when I am with them, I am teaching. In the morning when we are having fun and learning and exploring, I am teaching and raising and hopefully declaring the word of God. It's so touchy. My kids don't go to daycare and again, i'm only away for a few hours a day. and my job is pretty flexible. i do strongly believe that I am teaching my kids well. I know it's disheartening sometimes and (to no offense to Sarah) i've debated about whether to continue reading or not. but i continue to read b/c i'm learning about God and connecting with Christians is what i need. And right now, all this talk has just led me to really see that EVERY MINUTE i am with my kids, to make the best teaching experiences!!!!!!! Pray pray pray
Julia and Reluctant reader… my heart hurts when I read your words…I have so much to learn in how to write in a way that shares the beauty in the Word without the pain…
If you seek to be home, I will pray…you keep praying. If it doesn't happen, the great news is this: God is so merciful! I grew up with an alcoholic mother who was married five times (when I lived with her she had a 20yo boyfriend). My father isn't a believer, but is still a WONDERFUL father. I have done so many horrible things in my life, yet God still redeemed me and brought me under His wing.
Now just think, those were way less than ideal circumstances, but your children have a good mom who loves them so much and is teaching them the Word of God! And we as parents, all of us, whether SAHM's or "career" moms will fail… “When my father and my mother fail me, the LORD will take me up.” Psalm 27:10
He is so good.
You nailed it for me with this one. “The ultimate question, however, is, “Are we working because we have to or because we don’t think our house is big enough or our car new enough or our bank accounts fat enough?”
Right now, life is semi-messy. I have to work part-time outside of our home while my husband is home with our daughter. It's not because we want "stuff." In fact, we've downsized the "stuff" so that it's just part-time for me. But that's where we are now…. working hard to get me back home and get our roles reversed the way we want them to be. We're cleaning up a life mess that caused our situation to be this way.
Thanks for including the fact that some of us aren't given the choice. It's work part-time because we have to, not for stuff.
One of my favorite things about the Body of Christ is the way all of our flavors work together to create something balanced and healthy. If you take one person and expect them to represent everything that is true and right about God and His Kingdom, then you're going to be deeply disappointed. We're small pieces of robust flavors. Eat us by ourselves, you'll get a sick stomach. Eat us in the mix and you'll get a meal better fit for consumption.
There are a lot of people and convictions I can't identify with, but it doesn't mean either of us are wrong. We're our role. We're the piece of pottery we were made to be. We're sweet, salty, bitter, sour, oily, dry, etc…etc…. but we have our role. Our place. This whole life thing would be completely flat and lumpy without us. Without you.
You don't base your life on the convictions of someone else. You're added to, taken away from, challenged (if only to think) and built up, but not dependent on. That would be ridiculous and nobody can carry that weight.
As a writer myself, take what you want from us and leave the rest for someone else to pick through. We're just people who get tired, feel invisible, try new things, and speak from a flawed place every time we write.
All this to say: due to Sara Mae's family focus in the evenings, I had to wait ALL NIGHT to get a response from her. ;) I hardly ever talk to Sara or comment on her blog, but even I know she unplugs more often than anyone else I connect online with. I have to wait forever for her to make sure I'm 'not spammy.'
Serena, how did you get to be so beautiful? I cannot wait to hear you speak at Relevant…but more so I cannot wait to give you a hug and have some conversation over coffee…you inspire me.
Thank you for the kind remarks. I actually contacted Sarah about not posting the comment after I wrote it…but I sent it to the wrong email address. I guess now I will have her leave it up. I know MANY other women are in my shoes. We love our family and they are #1, and I make TONS of sacrifices in my life and each day in order to be the primary voice in my kids lives—even though I work outside of the home. I have so many more thoughts…but perhaps I'll save them for my own blog post soon. :)
Hi, Sarah Mae,
I just started following you on Twitter this week and am new to your blog. I find this conversation very interesting and have been mulling over your points trying to decide exactly what I believe.
I am a SAHM and have always wanted to be. Prior to having children, I had a career that I loved and still miss from time to time. However, I will never regret my decision to stay home with my children because I want the majority of my children's years spent under my training. I feel my husband and my decision honors God and His Will.
With that being said, I'm not sure I agree that the passage of Scripture you quoted was intended as a mandate that women with children must stay home–the fact of the matter is that women in that time period were home; they didn't have many other choices! Paul is instructing Titus as to how the body of Christ should behave. Women shouldn't gossip or act lazy; they should work hard and love their husbands and children. Likewise, Paul gives instructions for husbands and slaves. He is explaining how believers should act and demonstrate Christ's work within them no matter their position in life.
I believe Scripture is God-inspired and completely relevant to our lives. However, I do believe culture also comes into play. If not, all Christian women should wear coverings on their heads according to Paul! Could not a family live out the standards God has set for husbands and wives, fathers and mothers, where the mother works outside the home? One of my best friends who is an amazing witness to the Christian faith is a teacher. Her husband is a musician. He stays at home with their son. Do they not meet God's standard because she is working?
Again, I completely agree that society has it wrong for the most part. We want bigger cars, bigger homes, and spend time that should be spent on our children trying to attain those goals. I'm just not sure I agree that the woman has to stay at home. I wanted to, and I think SAHMs should be proud of what they do–there is no job more important than raising children–but for those families who chose to put their children first but in a different way, I'm not sure I could find anything in Scripture to say they are wrong.
I cannot say I am right with 100% certainty, but I'm not 100% sure you are right, either. Sorry for the long comment–I hope my points were coherent. We are definitely in more agreement than not–the family unit has suffered, and we can see the effects all over society. Keep standing up for what you believe, and encourage others to seek God and His answers! :)
I have to say that, even though I disagree with you on this issue, I don't find you graceless at all! I think you are asking honest questions and asking what the Father's business is in your life.
Thank you for that!
Sarah Mae – When my husband and I had a baby he was so good and content that he came to work with me where I did massages at a chiropractic office. It worked BRILLIANTLY until he turned 5 months old and began crawling about everywhere! Then we had to face a hard choice. It boiled down to something my husband said to me during our conversation about what to do….
"God gave US this child. He is OUR responsibility. Not to pay someone else to raise him for us, but to nurture ourselves."
That was it for us -pure and simple. No it's not always easy, cut and dry, fun or popular. But that's what it was for us and our family.
Angela <
I'm a SAHM, but have had to work outside of the home when my husbands hours were cut down to almost nothing. We just couldn't make it until he had better hours, so while he was looking to find a more stable job I worked for a little over a year. Can you work and put your home first, yes you can. You have to prioritize!
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me…Philippians 4:13
In order to work and be a help meet to my husband during those difficult times, I relied on God to see me through and still be able to keep my heart at home. I rose early to get dinner ready, and the kids were with grandma until I came home. I would use my lunch break to run errands so that when I was off, my time was totally devoted to my kids. My husband and I still had date nights every two weeks and we still had family fun day, game nights, movie nights, etc. as a family. It isn't easy by no means, but with God by your side and with your heart turned towards home, it can be done.
Now that I'm back at home, I appreciate it more than I did the first time. I realize what a blessing it is to be able to stay at home. My prayers go out to all of the mothers, who have to work but still manage to keep their hearts at home top priority. My prayer is that God is with you when you skip lunch to pay bills or grocery shop. My heart goes out to all of the moms who rise early to do laundry or cook dinner, just so your family can have more of your time, when you get off. I've been there and I know you need all of the support you can get.
No matter what your choice, I hope we can all be proud of what path we are on. We are all still moms who love our families and trying to make it toward righteousness. Thanks Sarah Mae for posting how proud and thankful you are in your role as a SAHM.
excellent post Sarah Mae! i have one similar on my blog today ~smile~
I, for one, am incredibly grateful for those " sinful women" who feel they are actually {gasp} following God's call on their lives as they work as children's ministers, school teachers, RN's, lactation consultants, missionaries,physicians and ministers the likes of Anne Graham Lotz (among many, many others). I don't think the P31 woman would have had the time to tweet all day long and write so much on her blog — she was too busy working outside the home buying and selling. Just sayin'. :)
How interesting! All the sisters disagreeing and agreeing to disagree, and hurting, and apologising!!! This it the family of God girls…it is like Serena said…it is all about the flavours!!! Don't give up. This is what happens in families! Thank the Lord for His Grace, and that we too can grow in His Grace! I do miss sitting around with a group of ladies over a "warm cuppa", debating the Word of God, and leaving with a hug, and returning the following week for more, because the Lord has more for us to learn from eachother!
Sarah Mae, you have spoken the Truth. I get it! Keep on encouraging women to be obedient servants of Christ.
As an older christian woman, I have found myself in a few messes, due to situations that have arisen, and where I have been in my walk with the Lord at times…sometimes we get out of step with Him…but when we recognise it and ask the Lord to show us the way back, He does…He helps us get back in balance, and the mess gets cleaned up. We just need to trust Him and be patient, because sometimes He can get us out of the mess quickly, because we are ready, and other times it might take much longer, as He waits on us to catch up with Him.
Reminds me of Ps 37:23 and 24 -
The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand.
You inspire me Sarah Mae. Thanks for another great "cuppa".
Sometimes I wish there was a "like" button on blog posts like on Facebook :)"Like" I, for one, believe your post was grace-filled. I can't imagine being this kind of blogger (my blog is a family scrapbook basically) and putting your self out there and receiving so much feedback from all of us who disagree. I'd probably cry every night! I just wanted to offer a positive comment (not that those who disagree are negative) because I would like it :) I know that people's validation is not your reward, but it helps :)
This topic interests me because it makes me wonder why some women are so bothered by what other women do. Could one reason be.. envy? Somewhere? Somehow? Wondering if 'one side' has it better? Just asking. Not saying Sarah Mae that you personally are envious. But as a single woman who has a *most definitely* God-ordained career as a counselling psychotherapist with children/teens, and also believing God will grant me a husband and children one day, part of me wonders if (maybe just a few?????) hard-core SAHM's itch for something to challenge their OTHER talents as well. I wouldn't know, but I imagine being a mom is a very tough job. But it *maybe* doesn't tap into ALL the talents most women have capacity for. Just a thought to throw into the mix. Having struggled with envy myself, I know how destructive it can be, and how it hides in the dark corners. Maybe I'm being envious by listening in on a post that doesn't really concern me, but that I hope DOES concern me one day ;)
.. and.. just to make sure it's understood that what I'm suggesting could definitely go the other way too – as a single woman with a career (and some moms with careers?) there are definitely times of being envious of women whose husbands support them financially so they can stay home with their kiddos.. I don't want to make it sound like the envy I'm suggesting goes just for SAHM's. I think envy in general between women is a destructive thing that lives on secretly in so many ways, and needs addressing. This is just one arena for it, in my opinion, otherwise why all the controversy about different lifestyles.. we are all individuals after all, not cookie cutters.. OK I'll stop now ;)
Hi there. I am new here and have only recently visited your site. I love your heart for motherhood and homeschooling and Scripture. I am a stay-at-home homeschooling mom who currently lives in Thailand, where my husband just took a job directing a Christian orphanage for girls. And, honestly, my ideals of homeschooling and motherhood have gotten shaken a bit since moving here.
One of the things that surprised me about Thailand was that there are no parks, no popular "mom hangouts" for the locals. Why? Because staying at home really isn't an option in this culture very often. Everybody has to work hard to survive, to put food on the table. Toddlers and preschoolers here have to sit in hot markets all day while their moms sell food or work. They have to stay with neighbors while parents go work 12 hour days. Homeschooling is an alien concept, as well.
And it has struck me that in America, we are blessed just to be having this discussion. Just to have the option. Because so many other mothers around the globe can't even comprehend the freedom of the coice to stay home with their kids and focus on their development.
Just another take on the same topic. I love the discussion, and I realize it hits hard to so many of us as we try to do our best to follow Jesus and love our kids. But again, it's a grace to live in a place where we are even faced with the option.
Amen to Laura. In my part of the world, not even a discussion.
*I took out the quote because after thinking about it, I don't think it was helpful.
Can I just say that I like your humility, your vulnerability, your willingness to step into hard places and take the bullets flying from differing opinions and situations and hearts. It takes courage to get into the arena, friend. Keep getting in. Regardless.
"May His face shine upon you, and give you peace." Today.
It is still difficult to look at Proverbs 31 and wonder what this woman would be doing in TODAY'S world. Most of us don't live in the agrarian of the Old Testament where parents and kids worked side by side on the family business. The structure of society is much different today, which is one reason why women are in such a difficult position. A constant renewal and examination of the motives of the heart seem a wise undertaking for each of us as we weigh our vocational and motherhood decisions, as does respect and obedience to our spouses.
Yes – to everyone! And thank you so much for these talks and helping us have a place to think through these things.
Hug!
Beth