Strange Love
It is so weird to have such conflicting emotions about people.
I am such a sensitive soul, and I’m learning to grow a thicker skin while yet maintaining who God made me to be. I am easily won over and I cannot hold a grudge for long…just ask my husband (he wins every argument because all he has to do is look at me kindly and speak a gentle word and I’m a puddle).
The strange love part comes in when someone hurts me, whether intentionally or unintentionally, and I find myself so angry at them, but then seeking to understand them better, looking deeper, and finding that I cannot stay mad. Then pride comes in. I don’t want to say, “hey, I really like you but I don’t want to like you because you are a meany.”
Because deep down, they really aren’t a meany, they are just wounded, just like I am.
Or maybe they are mean, or misunderstood, or whatever. It doesn’t really matter, I don’t think, because the emotions I’m contending with don’t affect them. I am the one who has to sort out with myself.
Part of my emotions also push me to want to defend myself, cry ‘FOUL’ and hold the line. Then, there is this spirit in me that says, “let it go, your identity is in Me, not what others think of you.” And man, that is hard to reconcile.
But it is true. He gives identity, and He is the only one with the authority to do so.
So while I sit here and squirm in my skin, trying to figure out this strange love, I’ll remember His words,
“For in him the whole fullness of deity dwells bodily, and you have been filled in him, who is the head of all rule and authority.” Colossians 2:9-10
Beautiful. {Hugs}
Mmm, I love you. Your openness and honesty are a breath of fresh air … and this post, Loved. Every. Word. Thank you.
Yes, I can relate. I, too, need to grow a thicker skin and remember to whom I belong. I say I don't care what other people think, but obviously I do, or I wouldn't feel hurt as often as I do. And pride, oh, boy. Let's just say I can empathize with what you wrote, and I have a lot of work to do! :)
I completely agree with everything you wrote here! I, too, seek to understand when someone hurts me. I cannot hold a grudge, even though sometimes I'd like to.
"He gives identity, and He is the only one with the authority to do so."
Truer words were never spoken!
I am very good at holding a grudge! I wish I had your compassion, people get under my skin. I just noticed you "A sampling" section I am definitely going to have to read some of those!!
Peaceful wishes,
Melissa Jo
Mainline Mom – no friend, not you, just…speaking out the inner workings of a complicated messy woman trying to love Jesus and love others :)
Beautifully spoken. Let me say that I'm sorry if I hurt you in any way in my comments or blog posts. I understand all too well what you're saying here and I feel the same way. And oooooh the pride. Probably my biggest struggle…isn't it at the heart of most of our sin? I go back and dig in the Word, reading the stories of how He strikes down the prideful and all the warnings and admonishments. I try, oh I try to stay humble, throw myself at His feet and stay there. It's very hard. The identity thing is almost the hardest…HE gives me my identity…so why do I constantly claim other things instead? Always returning to Him.
I can totally relate and that was a great reminder. This one thought is sticking with me: He gives identity, and He is the only one with the authority to do so. WOW. Thanks Sarah Mae!
It can be hard to figure out how to grow a thicker skin while not becoming bitter or indifferent. I think that is why God gave us tears and the eyes to see past ourselves. We when are busy understanding people, then we aren't thinking about whether or not our feelings are being hurt!
God gave me a major attitude adjustment recently about the things you are talking about, Sarah Mae. He had to "hurt" my feelings on a lot of things that were getting to me. I shared them on my last post, if you would like to come visit.
Wow. I really struggle with this stuff!! Pride so easily creeps in… and I use the excuse, I am just sensitive. It's so hard to find that balance on our own, of being sensitive, yet denying self so that we can make room for others and their insensitivity. Make sense? I was talking to my mom yesterday about this very struggle. I started crying and said, "It's very much like an addiction. I give it to God. Then I take it back. Is it a control issue? I try to deny self on my own, when I can't I need His help! Funny, how denying self happens naturally when we focus our gaze on Christ, and as simple as it is… it is a constant struggle. Well, after much talking through tears, I finally paused and stopped talking about me… and my mom said some great words of wisdom… she said, "You are caring too much about that situation, what really matters is Jesus. Then she repeated his name 3 times. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Wow. What power is in his holy name. I was talking about trying to stay away from a person who I've been hurt by their words… when I may be uncomfortable for a reason. What is God trying to teach me? I need to be still and trust. So hard to do.. So hard to do. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this, it is a daily, sometimes moment by moment surrender.. most times actually. Always good to know I am not alone.
You are loved, Sarah Mae… by Father and this grace-bathed daughter….
Isn't Grace the most amazing of all?
So grateful,
Ann
Wow. You put into words what I cannot. I struggled and still do with this very thing. Especially after being hurt by people in church. Thanks for posting this.