A Revolution is Happening – Mothers are Training Their Daughters to be Homemakers
Many women in my generation were not raised – taught and trained – to effectively manage a household.
Our mothers wanted the best for us…they dreamed that we would be lawyers, doctors, professional athletes, etc. They dreamed big for us and got excited when we got accepted to the college of our choice. They told their friends how proud they were that their daughter got the “big” job. They applauded their daughters decision to wait to have children for many years so she could establish her career. They prepared her well for her life’s calling.
Or did they?
I have no doubt that our mother’s did what they thought was right and good. The fact remains, however, that many women decided that their life calling was in the home, raising their children and being a homemaker. In the midst of career dreams, another dreamed nestled in their hearts, the dream of being a stay-at-home mother. When they left the career track to raise a family, they were not prepared for just how hard it was going to be.
Women are waking up to the reality that if one is to stay home, raise a family, and take of a home, one must be prepared. The women who were given everything they needed to succeed in the career world were lacking the one thing they needed to be successful in the home – intentional homemaker training. Women who have decided to stay home know how hard it is, and they don’t want their daughters to have start behind the eight ball like they did. These women are choosing to be intentional about raising their daughters in the homemaking arts.
It sounds crazy in this day and age, right?
I mean, isn’t this homemaker stuff straight out of the 1800′s?
Nope. It’s straight out of God’s Word:
“…train the young women to be sane and sober of mind (temperate, disciplined) and to love their husbands and their children, To be self-controlled, chaste, homemakers, good-natured (kindhearted), adapting and subordinating themselves to their husbands, that the word of God may not be exposed to reproach (blasphemed or discredited).” Titus 2:4-5, Amplified Bible
I’m not here to debate working women versus stay-at-home moms versus women who have to work, I’m here to point out a revolution that is taking place. Women are turning towards their daughters and saying, “I will teach and train and disciple you to be a homemaker for the glory of God.”
How do I know a revolution is taking place? I launched RaisingHomemakers.com two days ago to be a place of encouragement and help for women who are training their daughters to be homemakers. In two days that website has generated over 11,000 visits, nearly 2,000 Facebook fans, and over 500 subscribers. It clearly struck a nerve.
Women want something better for their girls.
So do I.
Wow – your post and so many of these comments can tell my story. I'm 42 and my mom was so busy in the 70s trying to raise me with the "feminist movement" and school was busy pushing "college prep" or "vocational" school – raising me to clean house, cook meals, and take care of a family would be so against the grain of the "norm" and all she was fighting against. She never protested in public but I think she held her own private rebellion at home with myself and my sister.
I love my mom but now my home suffers as I teach myself and my girls how to keep a biblical home. My goal is that my girls will be efficient and joyful homemakers that if they need to work it won't be an overwhelming task to keep their home up.
Although I'm currently a SAHM, I'll soon be working a part-time job and knowing how to efficiently manage a home is even more important. I'm so grateful Raising Homemakers will be there to help and encourage me along the way.
.-= Linda´s last blog post … Raising Homemakers Homestead Blessings 10 DVD Set GIVEAWAY =-.
SarahMae: I do realize I'm colored by my view of families that DID train their daughters exclusively in homemaking, so when Mr. Right didn't come around by the time they were 18, they were lost…they didn't have the educational background to go to college nor the desire to pursue any career of their own, so they were stuck being secondary homemakers in their mother's home. Not saying that that's what you're doing AT ALL, but that has soured my view to what I know is a good idea.
.-= Ronnica´s last blog post … FQF: Blogging Sockless =-.
As I work on developing the disciplines of keeping our home/raising our children/preparing to homeschool/prepare for even MORE children, it's amazing to me how purposefully planning or thinking about those things gets a shrug from most people, most of the time. It's really amazing to me, when I think of all the time/tuition/effort I put into my degrees….studies that were academically impressive but of NO real-world consequence (let alone, eternal consequence). Just another area in which the double-standard of the feminist movement is loud and clear: "education/preparation for the future is wonderful…as long as it's OUR education for the future WE want."
I want to take a moment to (sorta) publicly bless/thank my husband for not only shouldering our family's financial responsibilities so that I can stay home…..but for being faithful to the Lord during the time when we were struggling over whether I was going to stay at home or keep on in my career track. The world would be proud of him–he never "forced" or "decreed" anything–but he also KNEW what the right decision was and didn't let the issue drop. God was faithful to change my attitude, but I'm so thankful he didn't just say "whatever you want, dear."
I have so many questions. Lots of thoughts. Maybe a few to share over coffee?
~ Would you still encourage your daughters to go to college?
~ What if they want to pursue careers? What if God has instilled a deep desire in them to fight social injustice, climb Mt. Everest, start their own company, become a professor, train as a veterinarian, go into the military? Would these clash with this idea of homemaker?
~ What can we do to prepare women whose children have left the nest, who need to go back into the workforce, or find themselves called into work beyond the home?
~Does one need to be based at home 24/7 to be termed a "homemaker"?
~Don't many of the skills one gains in the "career world" directly impact one's ability to be an "intentional homemaker"? Time management, discipline, organizational skills, strategic thinking, networking, dealing with conflict….
It seems to me that sometimes "homemakers" vs "career women" is just a matter of geography. Many of the moms I know – you included, brilliant, talented, networking ninja, you Sarah Mae ;) – run their homes and home businesses with all the same acumen, skill set and dedication one would see in a corporate CEO. These gifts are versatile. And just because one mom practices them from the desk in her living room and another from the desk in her business office, is one any less qualified as a homemaker than the other?
I guess I am just loathe to draw lines in the sand that separate one category of moms from another and label one better over another.
Especially since my daughters one day might not choose the same camp. May be called along a different route. And I would want to give them the freedom to follow it.
I think you know my heart, Sarah Mae. I am not challenging you – I am just too impatient to wait until I see you in person in October to have this conversation; would rather get it started now – you with your coffee and me with my tea.
Because we both care very much for our kids and the place they call home. So, I am listening in and learning and wondering about some other angles.
Hope that's ok.
~Lisa-Jo
Lisa-Jo – yes, I love you and that you are willing to chat with me about this!!! I think I'll just write a post…haha!
SO grateful for your new site, even though I only have two boys. I had a wonderful childhood and upbringing, but I wish I had been raised more in this way. I am learning all of these things now, which is much tougher with children running around and a husband to make happy!
So thank you for this ministry and I will be learning right along with – and praying my boys' future wives are learning from it as well!
.-= Erin´s last blog post … One Month =-.
That's awesome.
Everyone asks young ladies when they graduate from school what they want to "be." What if they simply want to marry, have a family and be a Godly mom? That is a very noble calling…
Thanks, I will ;)
.-= Tracy @ Hall of Fame Moms´s last blog post … Hard at work. =-.
Sarah Mae – I just love your heart! I shared this post with my husband and he thought it was simply beautiful. You put into words what my heart longs for. I have said for years that I don't plan to expect or even encourage my daughter to go to college. I hope she aspires to be the best wife and mommy, which really is a full-time role. (I hesitate using the word job there.) Of course, if she wants to go to college because she feels God is calling her to something else, then we will support that 100% too.
By the way, I'm still waiting for my daughter. We are adopting her from China and have waited 4.5 years all ready. So if you don't see me on your new Website yet, that is why. We may be waiting another 2 years. GRRRR. When that happens though, I can't wait to connect with this group of fabulous women who will have learned even more in 2 years to share. :)
Jacquie – praying for you and your family!
Wow .. I believe we should all be taught to expect to take care of ourselves. Men and women should know enough to cook and feed themselves, have enough responsibility to handle finances, pick up and clean up after themselves, and manage their lives. We should be expected to continue to develop ourselves with advanced education and be able to pursue the degree of advancement in whatever career you desire. Most of all, we should be taught to appreciate, appreciate how hard our spouses work to contribute to the family, whether we are one income or not, appreciate each other and what each of you bring to the family.
Wow! This is exciting! I am the woman you speak of! I praise God for the faith my mother gave me but skills to be a homemaker is another question ;-) In highschool, my judgement of the girls who took "home-ec" shouldn't be repeated out loud. So, I've definitely been behind the 8-ball and am being intentional about training by 4-year old. She's already one fabulous clothes folder, ha ha. I left the work force about 2 months ago as a registered nurse and the transition to stay at home mom was so much harder than I expected. My heart was already at home but my sense of self-worth and justification to society took awhile to come to terms with. There's not much out there in the way of this site's encouragement. God bless!
: ) Emily,
Your 4 year old good clothes folder is nothing to take lightly! : ) I was raised feminist, and was a feminist until my darling girl was born, but by 2 years old she and I both knew how to fold & sort clothes. She is now 9 and could run our home, praise God for his goodness and encouraging women like Sarah Mae that see the need for us to train our daughters in a place we are lacking. Whether they have other jobs outside the home or not, may home-making not be as hard for them as it is for us.
Bless you,
Suzanne
.-= Suzanne´s last blog post … =-.
I am commenting to respectfully register my dissent. I am a 40-year old wife and soon-to-be-mother. My homemaker mother raised me to have a career — because she wanted "something better" for me. She actively discouraged me from learning her homemaking skills because she wanted me to spend my time studying.
I am extremely grateful to my parents that they saw beyond the norms for women typical of their time and place. My husband and I reap enormous benefits (and not just material ones) from my career vocation, and I expect our daughter or son will benefit from having an independent, career-minded mother.
Would I do anything differently? Sure, I think it was a mistake that my parents discouraged me from learning practical skills. But, honestly, it wasn't THAT hard for my husband and I to teach ourselves how to cook, clean, mix a martini, take care of the yard, throw a party, and do basic home repairs. With my own child, daughter or son, I will teach the basic skills of maintaining a gracious and home, without regard to the gender of the child. If my child is a son, I will certainly expect him to keep a home as well as if my child is a daughter. It is tough for me to see any good reason for assigning homemaking as the female role when in modern life, these tasks will certainly be shared between the spouses in most marriages (at least most marriages I have ever seen).
"I will teach the basic skills of maintaining a gracious home"
So you see, you actually agree with this website's point. As children raised by feminist society in the 70's anything to do with home was looked down upon, and devalued. From that view, the only person worth working for were those outside your home who give you a paycheck. The point is that you admit that you were NOT trained to take care of a home and that you are purposely going to "teach the basic skills of maintaining a gracious home".
It is wonderful that you did not have a hard time adjusting to home responsibilities. Those of us who have chosen to center our activities at home first sometimes have to translate the "workplace" schedules to home schedules to make our lives more productive. I had a career before I had children, have worked from home, worked outside the home with my husband and children with me, and been a stay-at-home mom. I prefer to be a stay-at-home mom, but was not prepared for feeling devalued from people who think we no longer have societal value because we do not have a paycheck. I believe websites like this are valuable for persons like myself who did study for and embrace the career world, but want our children to see that home is a worthy place as well.
I pray that your son or daughter loves home and that you get an extended maternity leave to enjoy being home as well. : )
May God bless your family,
Suzanne
joyfulmotherof5
.-= Suzanne´s last blog post … =-.
found your site on del.icio.us today and really liked it.. i bookmarked it and will be back to check it out some more later
Sarah Mae – thank you for being bold and courageous in the power of His grace to take this stand! Praying for you!
Blessings!
This all sounds sweet and wonderful, but I must disagree. I'm currently in the scariest position of my life. After being a compliant and happy homemaker to a husband and 4 sons for 21 years, my wonderful husband has flipped out and found a new woman. 2 of our 4 boys ate still very young (5 & 4), and one is still a high school student. I'm about to become a "displaced homemaker". I wish I never let myself become so dependent on a man for financial support.
Dear K.M. (above post). I, too, fully understand your position as a "left-behind" wife. Sounds like another famous wife I'd read about whom you might find interesting; Google "Terry Hekker", to learn about a woman who wrote a book, appeared on TV, and extolled the virtues of homemaking as the mother of many children during the 70s/80s. Her husband left her after 40 years, also taking up with a younger woman as well.
She had been talked about behind her back by family who warned their younger members, "You don't want to wind up like your Aunt Terry".
As for me, I wound up as a divorced wife when my then-husband led us into yet another bad situation and I was left with a newborn and young son to raise. I also valued and defined myself as a homemaker, and felt I needed to live that ideal even under extenuating circumstances.
I wound up on welfare, working when I could, but never lost touch or faith in my role as a mother at home, doing the best I could for my children, who are now grown (one married, the other in a relationship).
I wonder where does the single-mom who aspired to be a homemaker fits in?
By lack of the presence of a wage-earning husband, we are left out of the loop of acceptability by many in our society.
In the meantime, don't beat yourself up, K.M. Even though I didn't have a career to fall back on, I never regretted the paths both chosen by my situation OR directly by myself. I had to make do with whatever I had, and I know you will, too. See to it you get redress via the court system, (and you know you CAN get the father of your children to pay child support) and try and assemble support for yourself however you can. Please post again and tell me/us how things are developing…thank you for your courage.
Gosh, if a nine-year old can run the family home (as one poster claims), this shows me that it really isn't that hard to run a home. Girls can be trained to do this, AND to have a career, quite easily. How silly to think it takes 20 years to prepare to be a homemaker. As that poster points out, it is something that a child can do, with the proper training. It really isn't that hard to learn.
Even doctors are only in med school for four years (plus a few years of science in college).
It's fine if you think women should be homemakers, but it is silly to pretend it takes over a decade of training.
Hi and thanks for sharing this :)
I am a relatively new homemaker having started on this homemaking business about 9 months ago. When I first started out, I was so clueless I would cry. Haha. These days, I am better as I try to take a more relaxed approach to homemaking. If there is a piece of rubbish on the table, I don't get all anal about it like I used to. Having said that, I really wish that my mother had trained me to become a good homemaker from a young age. She is such a good homemaker and it is such a pity that her skills are not passed on to me. I suppose I could still learn from her. But these days, I am too busy trying to establish a career for myself on top of homemaking. Thus, I really don't have the time to learn from my mother. Which is such a waste. Thanks for your initiative "Raising Homemakers", it really is a useful reminder of the importance of homemaking. Can mothers who train their sons take part too? :)