Thoughts on Affairs, Part 2
What do you do when you have no desire to pursue your husband anymore?
What do you do when you just feel like giving up on the whole thing?
Do you live in a silent divorce?
I think far too many couples are living silent divorces…and I think it’s killing their spirits.
The first couple had their doubts about one another, I’m sure…can you just imagine the arguments and resentment that came from this line:
“The man said [to God], “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.” Adam, Genesis 3:12
Again, I don’t want to be trite, so I’m just going to share some practical things for those of you who are hurting in your marriages…
Some Practical Advice:
- Do not watch romantic movies or books – unless your husband is the 1 in million that actually acts like that guy on screen, bid it farewell or your heart will likely go into covet mode.
- Take resentment and bitterness straight to the feet of Jesus, otherwise, a silent divorce will demand (and usually receive) entry into your heart.
- Find encouragers – those rare friends who will challenge you to persevere, give sound advice, pray for you, and love you through the hard. Stay away from the husband bashers!
- Look up as many scriptures as you can on coveting. (Wishing you had someone else’s life or husband will only make you miserable…and it’s a sin.)
- PRAY. If you are weary from heart hurt, pray. If you feel like you just can’t make your marriage work, pray (because you can’t, only God can). If you don’t know what to do next, pray. PRAY.
- Cling to the truth. The truth is that God’s providential hand is over your marriage. When you’re feeling depressed over your marriage or having “longing” thoughts about someone else, remember that God has you where you are, and He will use it all for His glory…and it will be good.
- Find the deepest, most inner part of your being, straight from your heart to your soul, and give God every ounce of it. Man (and your husband) will fail you, it is inevitable. Find yourself – your worth and “lovability” in Him alone. You are safe with Him.
This post is linked up with Things I Love Thursday…because fighting off an affair is a worthy thing to love.
Look at this beautiful quilt! There’s only one available… (ad)
Great post. God bless you.
Thanks for these posts. I am still a newly wed, and am far from a place of silent divorce, but these things are good to practice anyway. And, it also helps me to be a better friend to those who are going through difficulties with their marraige. God is good.
Great tips on helping avoid silent divorce! I definitely can see where reading the romantic books and watching movies or coveting the marriage that your neighbor has can definitely leave one thinking "what about me?"
Thank you for sharing!
Sherry
.-= Sherry´s last blog post … Things I Love Thursday – EcoStore =-.
What great advice! I'm coming up on five years of marriage this July and had a friend ask me about what it's like this far in {'cause ya know, nowadays 5 years seems like a long time to most people}. I just said – It takes more work than you imagine, but it's totally worth it. And it is. I think we {women} have to realize love it's a fairy tale and really understand that true love takes time and effort and doesn't just happen over night.
.-= Sarah´s last blog post … Let’s go on a Picnik =-.
Thank you for a thought provoking and encouraging post. I've been married for 8 years to a wonderful man…but a man who is so entirely different from me that I sometimes wonder if we have anything in common at all. Add in 4 boys under the age of 7, busy lives, financial stresses, etc. and it's easy to let apathy and resentment creep in. Thank you for giving some very practical advice.
As usual you have thoughtful and inspiring words. I have posted your blog on my blog today to help spread your wisdom and insight to those women who may be stopping to read what I might have to say. I used your words because you said it so well. I hope that is alright, I am sharing you with everyone I know.
Envy, bitterness, and resentment are so hard to overcome. Such a timely word for today.
Excellent. Thank you for posting about this.
.-= Marcy´s last blog post … EcoMom product review {and a giveaway!} =-.
Thank you for sharing! I believe praying for your husband is one of the best things you can do!
.-= Kelly´s last blog post … When She Gets Excited… =-.
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My cousin recommended this blog and she was totally right keep up the fantastic work!
Sarah Mae..Amen Amen Amen. 3 years ago, my husband and I went through a horrible and ugly period in our marriage. Resentment had built up in both of us, we were no longer communicating or loving each other and we had a daughter who was only a year and half at the time. It was heartbreaking.
We were at a point where it was do or die and I sought counsel from a couple of my girlfriends who were Christian. Only one, ONE, told me to remember my vows, seek help, seek Jesus and stick with it.
Everyone else said I had the right to leave.
Today my hubby and I are married for 5 1/2 years, have a beautiful 4 year old daughter and a 10 month old son. And our marriage, though still not perfect…is better than ever. I am so glad I listened to the one friend who gave me true biblical advice instead of the myriad of folks who spoke otherwise. While I am sure they meant well and wanted to help me, they weren't biblical. God saved our marriage.
Thanks for this post Sarah Mae.
.-= Tiffany´s last blog post … A Fear of My Pride =-.
Excellent suggestions…especially about giving up on romance movies, etc. When we feed into the unrealized (or unrealistic) expectations of fiction we strengthen a foothold which can lead to emotional divorce. Great post Sarah!
.-= Kristine McGuire´s last blog post … Teens Hungry for Spiritual Truth =-.
i don't even really have to comment cus you know how i feel :)
Definetly suround yourself with encouragers cus you already know the negative you have to focus on the positive!
.-= Amanda´s last blog post … what would happen if? =-.
This is a great post!
I really did get that one in a million guy that actually puts romance movies to shame, but I believe i got him because of my prayers as a young girl crying out to God for a Prince!
You see, I am the product of a rape – My mom was very young when she had me.
My grandma was my role model – a Christian woman married to a very abusive man. She prayed every day for him, and after about 20 years of marriage he changed his life around. She had the hardest life of anyone I know, yet she lived through it relying on God! (Please know that I am not supporting abusive relationships here, but rather sharing this story of hope!)
Jody
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I don't know how I missed this yesterday – guess I was out shopping lol! BUT this Sarah Mae may be one of your finest posts ever on marriage – I just LOVE it! It's straight to the core of the main issues and problems in marriage! Excellent!
Much Love,
Courtney
.-= Courtney (Women Living Well)´s last blog post … Where Do I Start in the Bible? Are Your Kids Bored With It? =-.
I agree with Courtney… love this post. It really spoke to my heart. Because I get so worried about my marriage (not for any major problems) that I try to control it and end up emotionally manipulating my husband. I loved your reminder to take it to the Lord, to trust Him with my heart.
.-= Anna´s last blog post … Links for Homemaking Help =-.
Excellent post.
Your tips are right-on, and unfortunately I think you are so right about many "silent divorces." I think my parents lived that for many years before they got a legal divorce. I did, too, in my 1st marriage, & let it progress to a legal divorce. I did not have anyone to speak this kind of wisdom into my life then, so THANK YOU for speaking so clearly for women who may be in such a situation!
I've recently written (for the first time) about divorce on my own blog. I have lived it from several sides, and now am seeing it from another side as I watch my daughter live as the child of divorced parents.
.-= Jamie´s last blog post … My Good-looking Parents: circa 1970 (or thereabouts) =-.
Sarah Mae,
These words ring true, but I feel like I'm lost in my marriage. I'm torn between being a good Christian wife and just accepting my lot and leaving my husband. It often feels lately like there is no in between. I've spent three years working on myself, pursuing my husband, encouraging his role as a leader and a man only to have nothing offered in return. Yesterday at church I just sat there staring ahead, angry and heartbroken and feeling trapped. I think I've finally accepted that nothing I do is changing anything. I guess there's nothing left to do but pray.
Sorry, I didn't mean to go on as such.
Kalee
.-= Kalee´s last blog post … A Week Ago =-.
Kaylee, I understand.
Don't give up. Pray pray pray. Nothing you do will change him, only the spirit of God and change his heart, so PRAY. And go on dates, and try and remember the tender times. Take your thoughts captive to Christ…
Pray.