Can Your Children Lose Your Love?
One of my daughters favorite times of the day is when we curl up together for our “question time.”
I ask her four questions, the same ones each time, and then we talk about the answers.
- What made you happy today?
- What made you feel sad today?
- What made you feel angry today?
- What brought you joy today?
She’s four years old and she loves this time with me. As she grows, I know these grace conversations will grow as our relationship morphs and blooms from not only a mother-daughter relationship, but to a friendship as well.
Why do I call them grace conversations?
Because with each path to heart brought open by lips, I have the opportunity to impart grace. Grace over her failures and her weaknesses. Grace over let-downs and grace over mistakes made. We also rejoice in the good…the goodness of God’s grace over our lives to have hope and joy in the midst of a sin-filled world.
Do your children know you love them for who they are, for who God made them?
Do your children feel safe in your arms to share the deep most part of their beings?
Do your children feel loved even when they mess up?
Do you tell your children that they can never lose your love? (can they?)
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Ah. Yep. Timely for me. I'm pretty sure my almost 6 yr old son may have doubts that I love him at times. He's got a real knack for behavior that plucks this mom's nerves, tries my patience and brings out the worst in me at times.
I will try some version of this "curl up and question" time with him. I'm sure it will be good for both of us;)
Thanks for the example ;)
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Lovely Sarah!
Thanks for sharing it. I have a question…since when you started this times with her…and…
I have a boy (2yo) so, is the same with them?
Love,
Tania
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Tania, I started this randomly around when she turned four. My son is three and I haven't started it with him yet, so for him I just try to tell him each day how I am so thankful for how God made him, that I love him and am proud of him. :)
Both my boys are still young but what a great reminder to me as they get older to make sure that I ask myself those questions. I don't ever want them to question my love for them!
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I've done something similar… I ask, "What was the happiest part of your day?" and "what was the saddest part of your day?" But have never thought about the grace aspect. That's a great thought! Thanks! ♥ Michelle
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I love this! We have done this with both of our chickies (ages 6 and 8) for as long as I can remember. We do it at night, while tucking them in, before bedtime prayers. These are my most cherished conversations and when their hearts are most transparent!
This is wonderful Sarah! I always try to remind my daughter of my love, even when she messes up. When she asks for forgiveness, I always try to have my body language match up to my grace-words response.
Thank you. I'm going to try this out with her.
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Thank you so much for this timely reminder Sarah. I really need to start this with my daughter. I have noticed lately that I find myself being much harder on her than my boys and I can really see us needing this time together. Thanks for the idea…I'm going to use it:)
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Wow! That's amazing. I've been feeling very frustrated with my four year old lately. Grace….need to continue to extend him the same grace that the Lord extends me…which gets difficult sometimes when trying to impart discipline! I adore your idea, though…I think we need to try it!
Liz
That's so sweet Sarah Mae. I have a special saying before bedtime and after bedtime to both my boys customed to each one so they know how much I love them. My oldest has such a sweet heart and always forgives me when I sin against him.
Thanks for the post!
~Erin
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Wow, what a great post. I don't know the answers to these since Ian is only 15 months old.
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I do tell my boys that I love them all the time. Even after disciplining my 2 yo I tell him that I love him. Hard to know if he knows it, you know. I hope so. I'd love to have a time like that with my kids – I don't know if boys would want to do that w/ their mom (maybe when they're little)
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I love this idea of asking those questions every day. One of my favorite things to do is to just sit down with my son who is five and talk to him. This is a great way to get a conversation started. It's pretty amazing what their little minds can come up with.
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The most precious time I had with my children when they were young are very similar to what you described. I'm happy to say that while some of their teen years proved to be challenging (and some times heart breaking)both my children know they are loved and cherished as they enter adulthood.
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I ask similar questions of my boys either right after school or during dinner. What I ask each day is different, but I'll ask them to tell me something happy, or sad, or funny, or boring, or strange, etc. I use it to teach them to express their emotions and that I will listen – without judgement – to anything they have to say. It also keeps me in the loop as to what's happening at school. We've had some great conversations stemming from this practice. I haven't thought of them as "grace conversations", but that's exactly what they are – a way for my sons to experience grace and express themselves in a non-threatening way.
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I have a little saying I started when my kids were small and even though they are now teens we still say it to one another all the time.
I love you. I'm gonna love you forever. Never gonna to stop and nothing you ever do can make me stop. And if you ever forget, you get the penalty…hugs, kisses, and tickle bugs. (followed by tickles and smooches).
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This is wonderful! My daughter and I have had special grace conversations, too. She's 10, and for quite some time she's been showering in my bathroom at night while I wash my face and brush my teeth. It's been a great time of conversation and she opens up most during this daily ritual. It gives me an intentional opportunity to impart grace into her life.
I love this. I love how you call those precious moments of conversation "grace conversations". What a lovely way to describe them. My favorite moments with my four year old daughter is at bedtime. I curl up in her bed, stroke her hair and talk over the day, and her feelings, and the love of her Daddy in Heaven. I often ask her what I can do to make her feel my love, and what I can do to improve as her mommy. Sometimes it is silly things, but sometimes she grabs my heart and God uses her to convict me in areas of my mommying. You really convicted me to voice to my children the fact that they can NOT lose my love. So important, and I never even thought of that. My 20 month old son is not old enough for conversations, but he is old enough for me to tell him how much I love and adore him, and how much His Daddy in heaven loves Him. Thanks for this timely (as always) post, Sarah Mae. You truly are a blessing.
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We try to have conversations like this with our kids at bedtime, but sometimes that is just a crazy time. So, a couple times a week, I invite one of the kids into our bedroom a little before bedtime for "cuddle time". That's when we talk about our day and life and how much they are loved. Cuddle times is one of my favorites!
Yes! You're imparting grace–my favorite phrase!!–to her!
Oh, good for you. It behooves us to stop and think about this. It's amazing to me that we get to model God's love to our kids. But if we're not careful and intentional about it, it's easy for us to send the message that we love our kids when we're happy with their behavior. Thank you for this reminder to love them–and let them know about it!–unconditionally.
I so needed this today. So many times I get too bogged down with "raising" my son that I forget to "know" him. And in turn to let him know me. Good post.
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Beautiful.
Open conversation is a treasured thing. I constantly told (and tell) my kids that the world lies about when they are teenagers. The world tells them that parents are dumb and that they need to rebel. But, the truth is that these years can be awesome. I started telling them when they were little itty bitty about how excited I was to walk their journey with them…including when they were teenagers.
And I can tell you…I love my teen. Love her.
Rachel
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Great ideas, Sarah! One way I try to show them unconditional love is by speaking to them with kindness and respect even when I have to administer consequences for something they have done.
It is so important that our children understand that we haven't stopped loving them just because they have done something wrong!
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That is interesting that you ask the same four questions everyday. I will try that with Jackson. He and I have a cuddle time every night where we talk about all sorts of things, how he is feeling, what happened during the day, God, and everything in between.
I am going to try out those questions tonight.
THANKS
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My family does something at dinner that we saw in a movie once. It's called, "High & Low". We all go around the table and share one "high" of the day and one "low" of the day. It really opens up the lines of communication. My girls love it. They often initiate it and end up having a list of 5 highs. When they share the lows, it gives Hubby and I an opportunity to share how situations could have been handled differently, and how to have grace and forgiveness. It gives us uninterrupted time as a family, which is hard to come by these days.
I like what one mom said about doing this before bed. They are more open to talk when it's just the two of you in the room. And they're more vulnerable when they're tired. :)
Thanks for sharing this post and all of the comments! Very helpful!
Blessings,
Heather
I LOVE this idea! I did this at dinnertime tonight and it was a huge hit. I just linked you to my post about it. Thanks!!!
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What a beautiful post. My daily prayer is that my children know how much they are treasured by my husband and I and that they know they are treasured by the Creator… My littles are a bit too small for the 4 questions, but a quick overview of our day does so much to capture what the Lord has done for us and how we can serve him!
i love this idea. we do this at night right before bed but i only ask what made her happy today or what was on thing she loved today. i love the grace thought process behind your questions. what a great great opportunity to teach grace to our children and offer encouragement and support as they grow.
thank u!
Beautiful! I love the questions! Very thought provoking… thank you for that! :)
Great reminders. I like the questions, I often try asking my 5 year old questions like these, but he doesn't like to share emotions very much and doesn't like to be put on the spot with questions. Like father like son. So it's actually during activities that the answers sometimes come out, and then I tune in, ready to impart grace :)
Wonderful post! I’m your newest follower from Gather Inspirit. I think it’s so important that our children have frequent reminders that we love them – even when they’re grown up. My children are now 20 and 25. They live in other cities, and we never end a phone conversation without saying, “I love you."
Sarah Mae, I just wanted to thank you for the video on your side bar about Going In. Such an encouragement to me today!