Why Does Everyone Else Always Seem To Have It Together? (And "Wow! I am my kids mom!")
December 19th, 2009
It’s been a rough few weeks months.
There are days when I don’t feel like myself anymore. I feel like my hormones are controlling me – always tired, angry or sad. Pretty much always, yea.
I hate it.
Then I feel depressed and lonely and my thoughts go crazy and I forget my true identity.
I look around and every other mom seems to have it so together – days filled with crafts and cookies and smiles and energy. My dreams and desires are filled with those things, my reality is not.
When I bake cookies, I feel impatient with my babes.
When I plan a craft, I’m just to tired to follow through with it.
Here’s the thing, I know the truth. I know that not every one has it all together and pictures often tell a different story. But it’s hard not to compare. It’s hard to remember who I am. It’s hard to persevere and fight the good fight. I want to do the hard things, but sometimes I can barely do the easy things.
With all of that said, I recently received an incredibly encouraging comment from The Queen Mommy; this is what she said:
“…don’t let the enemy – the defeated one – get away with his lies of insignificance and worthlessness. God made you a mama – YOUR children’s mama – for a perfectly divine purpose.”
Wow.
Even though I feel like a complete and utter failure most of the time when it comes to mothering my sweet babes, this comment gave me a whole new perspective.
God knows my failings and yet He chose me as my kids mommy…and He did so for a purpose.
Did He know what He was doing when He gave them me? I mean, wouldn’t they do better with a mommy who was organized and energized and joyful all the time?
Me.
He gave them to me.
A failure.
A sinner.
A saint by His grace and mercy and love.
Oh that I would fall into His truth daily, because I can’t do this mommy/wife/homemaker thing myself. I will fail.
“When my father and my mother fail me, the LORD will take me up.” Psalm 27:10
Anyone else ever feel like this?
SO SO much lately. I think, as women in general, we naturally compare ourselves to other moms. When, all God asks us to do, is be obedient to Him.
He will give us Divine energy, and the desire to follow through with our motherly duties… when we seek Him first. Seems complicated, but I’m realizing, it is very simple.
Matthew 6:33 “But seek ye first, the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.”
LOVE YOU!
Traci´s last blog post … Little Mirrors
I can relate!! I just had baby #3 three weeks ago and am contemplating when and if I’ll return to my part time job of teaching–the alternative? Staying home and doing what I don’t feel I’m really “good” at all the time. With teaching 3 hours a day, I get to start over with a whole new group of kids every hour–at home it’s just me with all my imperfections all day long–thank you for this post. I’ll continue to pray to see where the Lord leads me–
Pretty much everyday.
Laryssa @ Heaven In The Home´s last blog post … Christmas Tour of Homes 2009!
Oh Janene! Please consider staying home…you know that I know it’s hard! But the reward and the fruit of our labor will be good. If the Lord calls us women to something, He will provide for us. :)
There are those fleeting moments when I think, “Wow! I’m a pretty good Mommy, I’m doing okay, I handled this right…” But I do feel overwhelmed, unable to meet that desirable standard as a warm, fuzzy, craft-making, cookie-baking, always smiling, calm and never yelling Mommy. I do try to remind myself that God gave me these children and vice versa, for all of us to grow together. I do wish I were a “more ideal” mom. but I try to turn that over to the Lord and constantly ask Him for help and lots and lots of grace. For me and the kids :-) Thanks for being honest – it helps to know there are others who struggle and how they’re overcoming this. MIKI
Miki Baxter´s last blog post … A Toast to Making Wonderful Memories
I read your post with tears in my eyes it was so needed for me tonight! I found out some “news” about my old employer and what’s going on and I really do miss being in the working world sometimes. There was always excitement and achievements and accolades. Now there are frustrations, failures, exhaustion, etc. and it’s just all part of being a mommy. I love being with my kids and KNOW that God orchestrated this time for me to be a “full-time” mom but sometimes it’s just plain hard! Thanks for being so real.
Everyday, Sarah Mae, EVERYDAY!
People think I have it all together, but I don’t…I was a-crying my eyes out in church today over it.
I so feel ya, girlfriend and it is a daily, sometimes hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second choosing that He really did choose me to be my kids’ momma and my man’s wife.
Thanks for sharing.
Simply Dawn´s last blog post … Thanksgiving 2009 Note #2 – The Desserts
*Raises Hand*
I definitely don’t have it all together. And many days, I wonder when I will! That’s the whole concept behind my blog….just when I figured out what to do (and did it!), I went and had son #2.
Many of my initial posts were about this topic and how I just seemed to be lacking in the “mommy or housewife” area many days. But then I started to cut myself some slack when I realized I wasn’t alone.
My blog is called “The (Un)Experienced Mom” because I believe we will all make rookie mistakes and feel like we’re winging it some days, no matter how many kids we have!
Here are some of those posts:
http://www.theunexperiencedmom.com/2009/09/best-of.html
Tamara
The (Un)Experienced Mom´s last blog post … The Sunday Post: 2009 Media Stories Part 1
{waves hand wildly} Love this post, SarahMae! I can so relate to this!!
melissa @ the inspired room´s last blog post … Inspired, Wonderful & Most Fabulous Christmas Homes
Of course I do. And even while I sit here, enjoying my nightly cup of coffee right here at Like a Warm Cup of Coffee, I still have more gifts to wrap, laundry to do and Toys for Tots paperwork to completed by 9pm. (it’s now 8:15) and the desk is piled high with this week’s mail, books to be shipped, and lots of other odds and ends that find their way to my desk when they don’t even belong here. But I can say this, I refuse to have any anxiety about this year’s holidays. I cheated this year. I went to the store and got Chinette paper plates, Kleenex dinner napkins, and plastic disposable cups for our meal. Trying to simplify so we can just enjoy being a family.
If we are so fine tuned and polished, we’d be an emotional wreck trying to live up to the Mrs. Cleaver measuring rod. Let’s remember, she was just a character in a TV show who memorized her lines.
Sisterlisa´s last blog post … How Do You Know They Belong to Him?
I think these feelings are so much more common when the kids are little. Now that mine are growing, it’s easier. Things are still busy, but they dress themselves, can fix their own snacks or drinks, help with housework etc. It’s less physically demanding. I remember having all the feelings you talk about when they were very little. I’ve also learned to remind myself that feelings can be lies. Just because I feel like I’m not doing a good job, doesn’t mean that I’m not. It’s good to strive for our best, but sometimes I beat myself up over it and that’s living into a lie.
Tiffany´s last blog post … Weekly Menu, Grocery List, Recipes – Week 21,
I am so there with everyone. It is comforting to know that I am not the only one who feels like a failure as a mom, wife, homemaker,etc. I have great expectations for myself as a mom. All of my good intentions seem to never come together or get completed. I feel like I am cheating my kids out of some great memories. I will never have this opportunity again. – the Mommy Guilt continues to mount up. It has been said before, but finding the balance to all the things I need and should and want to do for my everyone is so stinking hard! Thank you for your honesty and willingness to say first what so many of us feel and believe about ourselves. Thank you for reminding me that my children were given this imperfect mom by God.
I never really knew how much I would learn as a mother. I think God uses different things in all our lives. But I find I learn more about life, where I need to grow, and how much I need Jesus every day more and more. I like to think I’m teaching them, but I really think mostly, God is using them to teach me.
Stacey Thacker´s last blog post … D Is For Down On One Knee
YES. Oh, man… we have some rough days/weeks at our house. I have had a life long struggle with comparing myself to others, and God over and over again whispers to me, “you are not an accident.”
God didn’t give my kids to Martha Stewart. Or Beth Moore. Or the perfect-looking mom on the blog next door. ;)
He gave them to me. He knows me. He knows my strengths, my weaknesses, my propensity to impatience.
He is sanctifying me through my children, and sanctifying my children through me.
Kristi_runwatch´s last blog post … Hope in the darkness
I am totally NOT patient when it comes to cooking with my daughter. I always feel like a horrible mom. She’s only 5 and here recently I can just start to see some positive mommy traits in myself.
I feel defeated many days with my 4 little ones aged 5,4,2 & 6m. I was raised with the mindset of being a homemaker but I still have days that are so CrAzY!!! But God is faithful and in my weakness HE is strong. :)
This post just made me want to give you a huge HUG… because you understand… because I can SO relate!
Thank you for your honesty…
Please go to my blog post today. You will feel better about yourself. Especially if you click on the links. And I think I will send you my chapter on MBDs (Mental Breakdown Days).
wendy hagen´s last blog post … Hagen Bad Pics of ‘09
It is so good to see other moms willing to talk about this type of thing–we need more of the “real” and a bit less of the ideal sometimes.
We’ve been in a tough time around these parts, too. I just wrote a post called “How to Get Through a Stressful Season” about what I’ve learned during it:
http://www.steadymom.com/2009/12/how-to-get-through-a-stressful-season.html
Blessings,
Jamie
I am a little late getting to this one. But what a great post.
I am a mom of 4 blessings, a wonderful husband who is a pastor……. and I have a great life. But lately I have been really struggling a lot. A lot of anxiety issues, a lot of lack in confidence as a mom, a lot of “i am not good enough” thoughts. I appreciate your words on here. It is an encouragement! Don’t be so hard on yourself. I think the fact that we “worry” or want to do better shows that we are good moms, just in that!
I appreciate the words that God gave me these kids! He gave them to ME!
Each day can be a challenge for me, and some days I literally have to tell Satan to get out of my head.
Another women once told me that God will never tell us that we aren’t good enough……so if we are feeling that way we need to know that it is the devil.
Thanks for your honesty!!
Every. Single. Day.
Heathahlee´s last blog post … Where has the month gone?
Wow, I have been feeling this way for a couple of weeks now….I’ve been so exhausted, and I feel like other moms just have it all together at times. I too find myself getting way too impatient when we try to do crafts, school, you name it. I’ve even mentioned this in blog posts. I struggle on these days with having the joy that I think I should have, comparing myself to other moms. But comparing is just so dangerous; it just leads to more exhaustion. Thank you for this reminder. Thank you for writing this because I really needed to read this….Merry Christmas.
Mel´s last blog post … Winner of Lilyja Lace Silver Ring Giveaway
Sarah Mae, thank you. When you are in the pit you feel quite alone. I am there and did. Thank you for helping me to realize , nothing has overtaken you except that which is common to man. Common, it sure doesn’t feel like it. But the TRUTH is , it is common for us to feel this way (that stinks). BUT GOD IS FAITHFUL, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able ,but with the temptation(to feel less than,or like a failure(that would be me)),HE will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it!!! I love God’s word. Thank you for this post and helping me to remember HIS TRUTH. Praise God for His grace and mercies NEW EVERY MORNING!!!
Sarah Mae,
Thank you so much for your honesty. I feel the same way most of the time. I often think that my dream and goal of homeschooling my children is the most unrealistic thing because of how I fail every day at doing the things I should probably be doing with them.
Lately, I have been in a sort of ’survival mode’ because of being pregnant and the fact that my husband is working two jobs and is only home for 2 or 3 hours at night before passing out from exhaustion. It leaves everything else up to me and I have actually stopped beating myself up (for now) over not being able to do all the extra stuff with my kids (My son just turned 4 and my daughter is 21 months). I am due in just a few weeks with #3 however, and there will be one more child I will feel guilty about. The Mom-guilt is so overwhelming sometimes.
I have a blog, but I haven’t written in it for a month or two. I think it is because I sometimes can’t work up the energy to even ‘look good’ on paper (digital that is). Reading about the other moms that seem to have it all together does inspire me, but it certainly adds to the guilt when I can’t live up to their examples.
Your words about how God gave us the children he gave us knowing who we are and who we will be as a mom, are very very helpful and encouraging. Thank you so much.
I also am encouraged by all of the women who have commented above and admitted that they too struggle day to day with these things.
Thank you.
Misty´s last blog post … Oh, so I don’t look pregnant huh?
You bet. I’m there often. Thanks for your words, Sarah Mae. God bless you and yours.
Kristin Gray´s last blog post … Year End Stats
Oh my….I thought I was reading about me. You nailed it. It carried the same emotions that I am feeling. WOW. Thank you. I am glad that I am not alone.
Brenda´s last blog post … Merry Christmas to All
I feel this way almost daily. I shared my feelings with an older friend and this is what she wrote back to me…I have it starred in my inbox so I can read it all the time:
“Who is the father of our faith? Abraham. What was his upbringing? Idol worship, sin and more sin. The father of the Christian faith was a broken man from a broken and sinful family. Why would God choose this worthless man from this pathetic family? I believe that is where His glory is seen, where his healing is evident, where a portion of his power is revealed. Jesus came for the sick and needy and not the religous ones who have it all together and don’t need him (pharisees). John and I both come from sinful and broken down families. How do we do it? Surrender (painful surrender) to God. Being willing to do what God says when it doesn’t feel good. Asking forgivness for the messes we make and moving forward without keeping a record of wrong against each other. I am so far from perfect and I struggle daily. I claim his promises. I stay in his word and talk about it all the time. I pray. I talk to my kids all the time about what I am learning and how hard it is. I try to change things one at a time and not the many things at a time that need work. We can get together and talk if you want. Stand firm. Fight the bad thoughts with scripture your sword. You are not your past. That is where satan would like to keep you and consume you. You have freedom through the blood of Jesus. Forgiveness through him. You can love through him.”
Thanks for your post, Sarah Mae…this is such an important thing for mom’s to share about so that we can be encouraged and pulled out of the pit of our own minds :) Blessings, Brooke
[...] Why Does Everyone Always Seem to Have it All Together? [...]
Great post, Sarah! I linked to you on my blog:
http://yoursacredcalling.blogspot.com/2009/12/kiddos-in-kitchen.html
Thank you so much for this post. I got here via Your Sacred Calling, which a friend shared on Facebook, and I am so thankful for both posts right now. I have a 20 month old and an 8 month old, and I often fall into the trap of thinking other moms have it all together and I’m the only one with a sinkful of dirty dishes and a couch full of clean laundry.
I just have to say that I loved your post and loved seeing all the comments of all the moms that share the same experience. It makes me feel like less of a failure to see that most of us moms feel this way. I guess it is normal for even us moms to feel inadequate, lazy, tired or overwhelmed from time to time. But I like your comment you mentioned in the post that God chose us to be mommys to our little ones and for that we should feel honored. Also, He is always there with us. That should give us comfort. So, when it is 1:25 in the afternoon and I am still in my pj’s watching a movie with the kids, I shouldn’t feel guilty!! :) Hey, at least we are spending time together.
Michele
Michele´s last blog post … Saying Goodbye
Yes! I do!! Ad it makes me feel like the worse mother…but I’m glad you wrote this, it’s encouraging to see ..it motivated me to go on cause I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Thanks for sharing!
,Laura
Thank you for being real about the struggles you experience. I can relate with every word you wrote on more days than I can count. Thanks for the encouragement too. The Lord has brought this verse to me twice today and I think it fits.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
Blessings to you!