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I'm Sarah Mae. I'm figuring out how to fit perfect into fallen skin. Stick around for the stretching...your soul is welcome here.
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"Like a Warm Cup of Coffee" was brewed on May 20, 2008
I was raised with the mindset that I could have a career and a family.
.-= Katie @ Frugal Femina´s last blog post … $35 Jiffy Lube Gift Card Winner =-.
Not me. My mom worked full time. I know she did her very best, and I cannot imagine how she did all she did… but we were not raised to be homemakers.
She knows how to cook well, sew beautifully, clean skillfully… but we were never really intentionally taught these things. I figured it out as I went along.
I'm realizing as I grow older that my mom's chronic insecurity and feelings of being overwhelmed by life were big players in how we were raised or not raised. :)
Grace, grace… thankful that God has shown grace to me, so I gladly give it to her. :)
.-= Kristi_runwatch´s last blog post … Hope in the darkness =-.
I was raised with neither in mind, to be honest. My parents never discussed my future…and they did not have a good marriage for an example to strive for. My mother left when I was 3 and my step mother was NOT the kind of mother I ever wanted to be. When I moved out, got married and had kids I was LOST!
.-= Mirinda´s last blog post … The Sister Paintings =-.
Nope – I was raised thinking that women who stayed at home were wasting their time and their lives. I actually never wanted to get married or have kids. Praise the Lord that He changed me! Despite the struggles and the self-doubt and all the insecurities that I have right now, I know I was made to be a wife and a mom – specifically one who stays at home.
I don't think my mom was intentional with anything while raising me. I had no particular career in my mind as I got older. I kind of just fell into being a sahm. But I wouldnt have it any other way.
.-= Cindy´s last blog post … A giveaway! =-.
Very similar to what Leigh said, I was raised that women who stayed home were wasting their potential. It was a bitter pill for my grandmother (who mostly raised me, while being a FT college professor) to swallow when I made the decision to stay home with my young boys. When the hubby and I married, he taught me how to cook. I literally knew how to make microwave popcorn LOL I have had to be very intentional about homemaking and learning how to be the wife and mom I feel called to be.
That being said, I fall short ALL the time and am so thankful for the grace of Christ that covers my shortcomings!
.-= Melissa Multitasking Mama´s last blog post … Our Christmas Letter =-.
My family is very big on education. They were all for me going to college and even when I dropped out and joined the Air Force, they were fine with that. But now I think they are "disappointed" that I never got a degree and that I am a full-time, stay at home mom of many. Not that they would ever say it, but I know it's there. So, no, I was not raised to be a homemaker. In fact, I wrote a post just the other day about teaching my children to do things around the house. My mom, who reads my blog, actually emailed me and apologized for not teaching me and my brother more household chores. We've had to learn them on our own.
Mine is complicated, really. My mother worked full-time. So no, in that aspect I was never raised to be SAHM. I was going to be a high school teacher. And then I had my son. I grew into a SAHM (still am).
On another note, I was raised by contradicting terms. My mom always said we didn't need a man. We could do stuff for ourselves. But she relies on my dad for everything so it's very contradictory and eventually her actions spoke louder than her words which lead me astray to seek out the attention of boys who I thought were men in high school. I honestly got lucky when my sights landed on my husband.
.-= S Club Mama´s last blog post … Christmas crafts =-.
My mom wanted me to be a dance instructor since she spent most of her money as a hairdresser paying for dance lessons and costumes. I wasn't pushed to go into anything, but it was modeled by my mom and grandmothers to work.
I worked until my oldest was 18 months old. My husband then decided it was time for me to stay home. Boy, was I delighted! That was almost 20 years ago.
.-= Southern Gal´s last blog post … REAL Family Photos =-.
I was raised by my Mother, she worked hard and put me through a private school, but nothing of a career was every mentioned, I think her goal for me was to graduate and make decision contrary to what she made.
She is proud of the life I'm living but it could have gone any direction from the way I was raised. One weekend with an unsaved Father and one week with a work alcoholic mother. I am happy the Lord had is His hand on me and I'm living a happy fulfilled life with a wonderful husband and two beautiful girls.
I'm not sure how to answer as I don't think my parents raised me to be one or the other. My mom really wanted to be a SAHM, but other than short seasons when she was able to do that she had to work full time and I was a latch key kid. So, I think I always saw being a SAHM as something desirable, but never really saw it lived out in front of me. My dad always wanted me to have a career that I could use to support myself as a young woman, to help my family when I got married, and to support me and kids if I ever found myself widowed or divorced. So, I suppose I wasn't intentionally raised to be a stay-at-home homemaker, but I do think I was raised to see homemaking in general as very important.
.-= Bonita´s last blog post … How to Read a (Good) Book =-.
I came from a unique perspective in that I was from a ministry family. My mom never worked outside the home, but we weren't home much. Although I was raised to be a "non-working mom", I didn't really learn intentionally the skills I needed to be a homemaker. I am learning them as I go along.
.-= Jennifer´s last blog post … My Blogoversary Week =-.
I was raised to get from part of life to the next. Once in high school, I knew the next step in life was college, and somewhere after that would be marriage and children. My parent's both worked full time jobs and neither went to college. Their plan was to give me a college education and a better chance at supporting myself or my future family.
Little did we all know, college wasn't in God's plan for me after high school. I fell in love and started a family putting my college career on hold.
.-= Sidnie´s last blog post … For those far away from home this Christmas… =-.
I was raised to be a Christian woman. My parent's didn't know how that would play out in our lives, so they taught us how to be women of God no matter what our roll in this world was. My mom went from being a SAHM to being a school bus driver so that she could send us to a Christian school. Life changes, my parents realized that. I've never been so thankful as I am now after reading these posts.
Wow, nope! I was raised being told I must go to college, get my degree and build a solid career. Once financially independent, perhaps I should live w/ someone, see if it works, then get married. Kids were optional. I was told, "NEVER depend on a man for anything. They'll always let you down. You can be happy without one."
So I went to college, got that degree, built that career. Then I met the man of my dreams, got married and had a wee one. I walked away from that career to stay home, homeschool, and be a keeper of my home.
My parents no longer speak to me. Really.
.-= Brenna´s last blog post … The Fam =-.
Great question, Sarah Mae!
I don't think many of us were intentionally raised to be homemakers. So that makes our job that much more interesting and challenging doesn't it? To the battle front, ladies! Let us be those grace-filled sturdy women that our families need!
.-= Robin´s last blog post … What kind of tools are you giving this year? =-.
My mom was a SAHM, but I don't think I was raised with either mindset. It was more of "Do what you think is best." My sis-in-law, however, was raised knowing this would be her vocation, and even though she didn't get married until she was in her thirties, she was mentally and emotionally preparing to be a SAH wife and mother.
.-= Kristy K´s last blog post … The Good, The Bad, and The Completely Adorable =-.
I was raised to know how to run a home. I was cooking/cleaning for a family of six by the time I was twelve. Mom had requirements before we could leave home—-crochet an afghan, sew a dress, prepare a family holiday meal, balance the family check book, etc.
But I was also raised with the example of my Mother working full time. Unfortunately, she wasn't happy to do that. She did it because it seemed she had to.
I was raised with the mentality that I could stay home and have a family, only if I achieved a 4 year degree, first. (I only attended for 2 years, though.) I used to worry about not having a Bachelor's degree "in case" something might happen to my husband. But the Lord has taken this fear and shown me to trust in His Sovereignty, not my own strength. I wish that I had been more guided in homemaking and mothering skills, in my youth, but I am thankful that the Lord will make up for what I lack. "And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten." (Joel 2:25)
.-= Christine @Lily of the Valley´s last blog post … 30 Weeks =-.
Nope. My mom spent time as both a SAHM and working full-time. Education was important, but so was family. My parents never purposefully talked about the design/importance of women in the home.
Nope. Not the homemaker mindset at all. I was told growing up, "Never depend on a man to take care of you. Get your own job so you can have your own money."
When I met my husband (in high school), he let me know up front how adamant he was about his future wife staying home to raise their children. I'm more than blessed to have the opportunity to be the wife of a man that does everything he can (through the knowledge and strength of God) to provide for me and our six children.
I do struggle with many aspects of keeping my home and home educating the children, but God is great and He's helping me through it all.
.-= Kela´s last blog post … =-.
My mom stayed home… and our home was the home where all the neighborhood kids would come after school. She had a gift of ministering to all of us kids that way… But, she struggled with managing the home. I don't feel like I was prepared to manage my own home… although I think my mom tried. I remember after I was newly married, she would come over and help me with the sink-full of dishes and tell me how sorry she was for not teaching me better skills. I struggle so much with balancing keeping house, homeschooling the kids, and managing my own business… not to mention all the other crazies that enter our days. ;-)
Defenitely not! Like some others, I think I was raised without any specific inention. My mum's concern was that I did well in school. I never had any guidance whatsoever regarding reltionships of any sort. Not because she is a bad mum, she's is a very loving person, who loves us whole-heartedly, but she didn't know better.
Interesting conversation going on here. I was raised to have homemaking skills. My mom taught my sisters and I to cook, bake, clean, sew, etc. But when I was in 4th grade she had to go back to work and that was the model I grew up with. I don't think my parents realized what a strong message that sent to me as a young woman because when it came time to make college decisions and my father mentioned that I didn't HAVE to get a fancy degree, I was shocked that the option was even on the table. I went to college and worked a variety of interesting jobs afterward, but now that I am a SAHM I am so thankful to have a family that supports this calling of mine to nurture my children.
I am still asked by my mom when I am going to get a job. I was raised thinking that I needed to have a career or marry someone with lots of money to be successful in life.
.-= Sarah´s last blog post … Motivate me Monday- Your Heart is Good =-.
You really got me thinking yesterday! So much that I wrote so much I had to cut and paste it into a blog on my site. It took 2 hours to get my thoughts out and I completely forgot to come back!
To answer your question, I was raised knowing I would have both. Reality tells me today, that I clearly didn't understand what that would mean as a young teenager.
I hate the whole "grass is greener on the other side" mentality. I pray everyday that I could be a SAHM, but I've been there and I know my memory is completely tricking me into thinking I would do better by my children.
I had $30 in my pocket on Christmas Day 2002. That was the day my husband left our 2 children and myself. I couldn't be a SAHM any longer. Once I started working, my thoughts consumed me. It was extremely hard juggling everything I had to juggle…Alone. Then my thoughts jumped to what a GiNormus FanTabUlousy Awesome life lesson I was teaching my daughter about being independent!
As much as I would LOVE to be home with my babies, I could never be home and not contribute financially to our household. Just my opinion, but it causes so much stress in the family dynamics on so many levels.
Like I said…Just my 2 cents!
.-= TangledEutopia´s last blog post … Stop By And Feel Free To Bring A Gift To My Pity Party =-.
I was curious to read the comments on this post, even though I never comment here myself. But after reading your answers, I can’t help but jump in, too! :-) My parents prepared me to do whatever God called me to do. My mom taught me how to cook, clean, sew, etc., and because she went back to school to get her degree when I was young, I did a lot of all those things while I was growing up. Clearly, though (because my mom went back to school herself), education and career were valued in our family for both men and women. So, while I sometimes struggle to know where I fit in and where I should be serving God, I am so thankful that I have options because of how I was raised.
(I didn’t reply to your last post, by the way, but I know how you feel, too! As a full-time working mother, it is darned near impossible to balance it all – or even to feel like I’m touching “it all” every day! But I know that my husband and I are doing the best we can for our family at the moment, and God will bless that. Even if I have to repeat those words over and over and over to myself to make it through some days!!)
.-= Mary @ Giving Up on Perfect´s last blog post … Drum roll, please . . . =-.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Sarah Mae, Kristi. Kristi said: RT @sarahmaeblogs This is for all the moms who commented on my last post – http://is.gd/5wgJY {great discussion} [...]
How can you be raised with the only option of being a homemaker? I was raised with the skills to manage a home but with the education to go where ever God called me. I love being a SAHM now, but when my kids are grown, I want to pursue other options as well. I just get nervous when people start talking about raising girls to be homemakers. You don't know what God has chosen for that girl to do with her life. I never want to limit God, but instead fully teach my children how to seek Him and provide them with the education and knowledge that will allow them to go where ever they need to go to fulfill God's calling on their life.
.-= Kari´s last blog post … Merry Christmas To Me… =-.
Nope, I wasn't raised to intentionally be a homemaker. But I also wasn't raised to become a woman in the work force.
My folks taught me how a woman manages a home (chores, meal prep, kiddos) and how a man manages a home (finances, budget, decisions). It wasn't so hot for when I became a single mom… When I married, I expected my husband would just slide right in to handle the bills, work extra hours as needed, and support my decisions in the kitchen. Insert a huge HAHAHA here. :)
Not me, no way. My poor mother was abandoned by not one husband, but two. (My father and my half sister's father.) She was absolutely adamant that we girls have a college education "for when the bum walks out." My mom was dismayed when I was engaged by age 16 and married by 19, a mom at 20.
Interestingly enough, my mom has now been married to her third husband for 23 years, and they are quite happy. My sister and I both seemed to have better luck in the husband picking department. I have been married to the high school boy (lol) for fifteen years now, and my sister has been married to her college sweetheart for four years.
What strong interesting women are writing & commenting on the web. Even in our differences, we have so many shared experiences. My mother was a stay at home southern belle who never planted any seeds for me to consider. My father, who raised me to be strong and independent, died on my 13th birthday. From that day forward, mother and I role reversed: She became the daughter, and I became the mother. I believe she has always been jealous of my strength, plus I got the college degree she never had. This has made for a difficult relationship to this day, esp now that she has advanced dementia.
no, I think I was raised to do whatever my heart felt lead to do. My mom stayed home with us for a good chunk of our childhood, but did go back to work when I was about 14yrs.
I married young (19yrs), got preg 8 months into it, and have been a homemaker ever since! I struggle at times……wondering if I am just a weirdo for being an at home mom with no career. But I do have a huge job with 4 kiddos! LOL
.-= Laurie´s last blog post … First Karate Tournament =-.
Well I wasn't raised to be a homemaker, but I wouldn't say I was raised to be a career-woman either. It was EXPECTED that I would work, but never overtly said – until now, AFTER I'm married and have two kids.
My mum is an amazing cook, used to sew all our clothes (and by all I mean everything except underpants, ballet costumes included), knitted us baby clothes, and cleans like anything, but when I left home at age 20 I was afraid of the sewing machine, and all I could cook was one pasta dish. I didn't really know how to use the washing machine, could fumble my way through washing dishes, and was OK at dusting.
When I told mum (at about age 18, leaving school) I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up, she said I was a disappointment. The fact that I now stay home with my two kids seems to grate on her nerves. She keeps commenting that I had 'so much potential' and wasted it all, but it won't be long before the baby is old enough to go into daycare and then I can get a real job and contribute to the family income.
And then in the next breath she says she wishes she could have stayed home with us more but she had to work because my dad wasted all his income on frivolities and didnt give her enough money to pay the bills.
Makes my head hurt trying to figure her out.
.-= Sarah´s last blog post … Babies are weird/clever =-.
I suppose I was raised to be a homemaker in a sense. My mother put her foot down when I was born and said she would definitely be staying home to raise me herself. My dad gave in. It was a true blessing that he did…he didn't give in about much. Mom went back to work when I went to school. She was a teacher and taught at the schools that I attended, so she was home when I was home, but she did have her career and loved it. Having her home with me, though, definitely made me want to stay home with my own children. Not sure what I'll do when they're school aged, but for now I love being at home with them. Someday I want to go back to school and pursue…something. I don't even know what at this point, but I know God will lead me there when it is time.
My mum taught my two brothers and I to help around the house and to do household chores, but she never intentially taught me home making. Mum's regret that she kept mentioning on occasion is that she left work after I was born. She was determined that she would help her daughter, so I could go back to work after having children. I am due in August and am anxious about the conversation, that I don't want to go back to work after having children!
My mom worked much of the time while I was growing up. I figured I'd be a working mom, too… Now I'd love to be able to stay home full time, and I definitely want to homeschool my daughter
.-= Mozi Esmes Mommy´s last blog post … Christmas School =-.
I was not specifically raised to be a homemaker but there was always an underlying idea that this is what a woman was meant to do….be a wife, mother…by the examples of my mother, grandmothers,and aunt when I was a young child. Even when my mother went into the workforce as a teacher and then my parents divorced, I still held the understanding of a wife and mother at home as the ideal. I was glad to stay home with my children as long as I did, and honestly if I could provide extra income without a traditional job I'd stay home in a heart beat.
.-= Kristine McGuire´s last blog post … By Our Love =-.
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This post was mentioned on Twitter by sarahmaeblogs: This is for all the moms who commented on my last post – http://www.likeawarmcupofcoffee.com/home/?p=2089...
I did not comment on the original post- I am still trying to find the words to adequately capture my "ME, TOO!" comment. While I am still unable to come up with the words I want to say – I can tell you that I was definitely sent mixed signals growing up. It was made abundantly clear that my mom thought we should stay home to raise our children. At the same time, it was non-negotiable for us to all go to college and learn to support ourselves. My sister, a new mom, and I often discuss how difficult it is to reconcile the mixed signals we were sent. These messages probably add to our desire to try to do it all! Your posts are so inspirational!
Hmmmm – good question. I was raised to be a Christian woman by a mother who was a stay at home mom. I learned much of home keeping as a child – was the oldest of 3 and the only girl – and many household “chores” were my responsibility.
Then I “found myself” as an adult woman – living a life apart from God – and lost much of what I learned. I have really struggled to get back to just being that Christian woman wherever God has me – in whatsoever state I am… Now – a Stay at home mom who used to work full time – and who is is far too often like the Israelites after they left Egypt…
.-= Debbie´s last blog post … Christmas Traditions of my Childhood =-.
'Funny you should ask. I've been mulling over your posts lately, wanting to comment in order to encourage you, but unsure of how to "package" the encouragement. Just before reading your prompt, I was thinking about how, although I don't believe in "Big E Evolution," I do believe that, as God intended, each generation of the righteous "evolves" in a way: one generation giving strengths, ideas, traditions, and understanding the next. My observation has been that we are each at a different point in that line.
I read the Mahaney's Girl Talk blog and am BLOWN AWAY by their strength of mothering. Then I consider the wonderful heritage that they were born into, the wonderful mature mothering that marked their "starting line"! How awesome their finish line will be!
Then I consider my own heritage of mothering: I grew up with an outstanding mother: meeting the Lord as a grown woman and being the pioneer mother to establish a home that was born again. My "starting line" was full of craft ideas, full of child-love, full of Christ-love. I have my own pioneering to do as I continue to mature in motherhood and learn how it can be even more (!) fruitful! I can't wait to see the glory of my finish line!
Then I consider you – how you are a pioneer with a different "starting line", but – wow – an incredible finish line awaiting you! From what I know of your story, I am amazed at the quality of "starting line" that you are establishing for your own children.
Well done, Sarah! Keep on.
.-= Laura´s last blog post … “Merry Poppins!” =-.
I was raised by a Momma who taught me how to care for a home (not that you would know it by looking at my house now) but that also wanted me to go to college so that I could be prepared for whatever God had planned for me. All she wanted for both of her daughters was for us to grow up to be godly women, whether we had careers or decided to stay at home.
.-= Heathahlee´s last blog post … Where has the month gone? =-.
I was raised to put a priority on getting the best education I could get so that I could have as many options as possible. My mom encouraged me to work for awhile, have a family , and have my education so that I could provide for my family if I needed to.
Well, as many others have commented, I wasn't raised at all to be a homemaker. Neither of my parents required us to do chores or help out in any way in the house. In fact, our house was an absolute wreck all the time. It has been a challenge to figure out this whole keeper of the home thing. I mean, what does it mean to be busy at home? Play with your kids? Chores? Both? What is the balance? When do you start giving real chores? Is it ok to take a break? What is fair to ask my husband to help with? Man, it is hard! And once you get all the rules down, then you have to implement it! Loving discipline, menu planning, coupon cutting and bargain shopping, and quality time with your husband! Oh yeah, and get up early to spend time with the Lord so you have the strength to get through the day. Yeah, it is hard. A lot harder than an outside career. But our calling from the Lord, while not easy, is so rewarding! All moms know those little moments when something they have tried to teach suddenly takes hold. Or when our husband says out of the blue how much he appreciates something we did or how we even manage to do it all. The Lord gives us what we need to bring us closer to Him. Our kids, our husband, our house, our finances. All of it is a part of His plan.
In short, I both!
I was raised to value education and expected to have an education that would provide me with an income. I graduated with an education degree and taught many years before having children. My parents taught me to be self-sufficient in many different issues of life- maintaining vehicles, house, yard, money, etc. At the same time, I was taught in words but most importantly in the lives of my mom, aunts and grandmothers, that my role as a female was to be a help-mate to a husband and a mother to any children I may have. There were periods of time where my female role models worked outside the home as well as soley as homemakers and mothers. Family and serving others always was the priority despite the season of life. I always knew that if God provided me with the opportunity to marry and have children, that my desire was to stay home with the children as long as I could. But if time, came for me to return to the classroom, I could. Teaching is far more than a 8-3 job with summers off! So returning to a daily job of teaching a room full of children with my own kids to consider as first priority will be very hard. Right now my responsiblities in ministry are more flexible. There are specifics that must be done each week but I can, for the most part, choose when I work. Even with this situation, I am often wondering if this is too much for now. And the mommy guilt continues to be heaped on…..
Isn't it strange that there is training in almost every job situation EXCEPT motherhood! And it is the most important job a woman can ever have. We certainly all need encouragement to get through it from time to time.
Remember in the old days when high schools offered Home Economics? Those days are certainly gone!
I remember my mom trying to get me into the kitchen to learn to cook, but I was too busy working already at the age of 15. I certainly have learned a lot along the way on my own.
.-= Cherie´s last blog post … I Married a Rock Star! =-.
I don't think my parents really pushed me towards anything BUT a career…and a college-educated (Master's Degree Required) degree at that! Now…I'm a SAHM! 10 years ago I would never have thought that…but I'm so happy that I met my (now) husband and that God changed my heart…he knew the whole time what I was destined to do, even when I didn't!
.-= Kristen´s last blog post … Gold's Gym in Lexington, SC….aka Used Car Salesmen Who Didn't Make The Cut =-.
Nope. My mom was a single mom who worked full time. I was pushed to excel in what interested me. I remember fast food for dinner and "city" life. I moved in with my grandparents when I was 14 (in Montana) and experienced life with both "parents" home, but was not intentionally taught homemaking skills. I was headed toward a fast paced journalism career, when God changed my heart by His saving grace. Now as a wife(since 2000) and SAHM since April of 2008, there has been a HUGE learning curve. I first felt pressure to be the "ideal" Christian woman, but have since embraced how God created me. I am learning to embrace my need for business, with the importance of a comfy, safe haven of a home!
.-= Jesica´s last blog post … Christmas Project 2009 – #2, #3, and #4 (complete with bad photos and vague tutorials) =-.
My mom was a first generation Christian on her side of the family. She and my dad deliberately made family choices that were counter-cultural because my mom was determined that her dysfunctional family background would not be passed on to her children. I am the oldest of 7 children and I was encouraged to pursue the role of wife & mother and trained as a homemaker to prepare for that future. There are gaps in that training because my mother was learning as she went along, but I was better prepared when I married 16 years ago than many are today, I think.
My dad’s family were polite but thought my parents were taking things a little overboard. His family are VERY big on academics and thought careers for women are of more value than homemaking. They didn’t understand my parents were preparing future generations and thinking with an eternal mindset. I am so thankful my parents were brave enough to live for Christ and train us as they believed God wanted them to, and were not intimidated by family opposition. It has certainly helped prepare me for the life God prepared for me.