If You're Not Raising Your Daughters To Be Homemakers, You Are Potentially Hurting Them
December 22nd, 2009
“Isn’t it strange that there is training in almost every job situation EXCEPT motherhood! And it is the most important job a woman can ever have.” -Cherie
My Christian sisters, I have a heart plea on behalf of you, myself, and our daughters.
Especially our daughters.
Most of us have been raised with the notion that we can have it all – career, family, and independence.
I don’t think we can.
Before I get to my plea, I want to share the common threads that have been weaved into our generation…
“I was raised with the mindset that I could have a career and a family.”
“My parents never discussed my future…”
“I was raised thinking that women who stayed at home were wasting their time and their lives.”
“I kind of just fell into being a sahm.”
“My family is very big on education.”
“My mom always said we didn’t need a man.”
“My mom was a SAHM, but I don’t think I was raised with either mindset. It was more of “Do what you think is best.”
“I was raised with the mentality that I could stay home and have a family, only if I achieved a 4 year degree, first.”
“Never depend on a man to take care of you. Get your own job so you can have your own money.”
“My parents prepared me to do whatever God called me to do.”
“My mother was a stay at home southern belle who never planted any seeds for me to consider.”
“I think I was raised to do whatever my heart felt lead to do.”
“My mom worked much of the time while I was growing up. I figured I’d be a working mom, too…”
Now look at us! I would say that this post has sparked a great unmasking of what we are struggling with. While we are not with excuse, we can see that damage has been done. Now, it must be said that many things go into how and/or why were taught the way we were…wounds, confusion, misunderstandings, circumstances, sin etc., and thank God grace covers. But friends, WE have a choice to make, now, today on how we want to raise our daughters. Do we want to raise them up in confusion or with conviction and truth?
It is my plea that you and I would choose to go against the current culture and, with conviction, teach and train our daughters how to love their husbands, love their children, and be workers at home…so that the word of God will not be dishonored. Will it be a struggle? Yes, because we have to re-train ourselves, but thank God there are godly women out there to help us and walk beside us! (Sally, Robin, June are some of my favorites in the blogosphere).
I don’t know about you, but I want to give my daughters something better…something firm to stand on. I want them to be thoroughly prepared to what normally happens to women -getting married and having children. I wish so desperately that I would have been trained in these things. With this opportunity that you and I possess, this fresh start and new beginning, we can usher in a beautiful change that will impact generations. It doesn’t mean that everything will be rosy (we still have the curse to contend with), but they will be far ahead of the game.
“…so that they [older women] may encourage [or train] the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored [blasphemed or discredited].” Titus 2:3-5
I know that some of you want to be home and can’t for various reasons – my heart goes out to you and I stand with you in praying that the Lord will bring you back home. I believe He is faithful to what He calls us to.
I encourage you to visit this website often, for it will fill you with good and lovely things to think upon as you seek to build up the gigantic impact of your home.
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“Feminism is winning the ideological battle for our civilization, and Christians are among its casualties.” Phil Lancaster
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Hi Sarah, I love how you go against the flow .. and encourage us in Him. If only someone who knew me when I was a little girl could share this with me. I wouldn’t have been culture shock — still am — with motherhood. THE HARDEST, MOST REWARDING, MOST UNFAMILIAR territory. I am praying for a mommy mentor in 2010. btw, Merry Christmas. SO blessed to have our paths cross. Blessings in your heart, family and words in 2010!
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Bravo Sarah Mae! I love how you handle these subjects – you are bold in your faith. You knew that you would have many that would disagree with you (and will disagree no matter what your responses may be), but you posted it anyway in your usual thoughtful and graceful manner. Anybody that really knows you and your blog knows that you are saying these things humbly as you are learning them and not automatically saying that all who do differently than you are wrong! You are sharing what you believe, making suggestions, and giving food for thought. Thank you!
I did not plan to be a SAHM at all. My mom did teach me some homemaking skills and she was mostly a SAHM, but somewhere along the line I made the decision that I did not want to be like her (rebellious!). I did get a college degree and had a successful career. I gave up my career to become a SAHM a few months after my son was born. At the time, it did not make financial sense by society’s standards (I made more money than hubs at the time), but we felt strongly called by God to do it. I certainly struggle as a SAHM, but I feel very blessed to be one and I know that my son has been blessed by it also.
I do not have a daughter, but if I did I would certainly raise her to be a good homemaker, but also well-educated in order to help support her husband in whatever his calling might be. Of course, it’s just as important to raise our sons to be leaders of their households and to truly love their wives. I pray that God will help us all as we raise the next generation!
I hope you had a lovely Christmas my friend! Hugs to you!
You are so right! Hubby and I were just talking about this yesterday! He said that no matter what we do and how hard we try…someone is always out there looking to turn our daughter (eldest) away from everything we are trying to teach her…and I want so much better for her than I had growing up. Thank you so much Sarah Mae for these wonderful posts.
Kristen´s last blog post … Merry CHRISTmas!
Thank you so much for this. I have been a SAHM for 3 1/2 years and have struggled with it. I did think I could have it all and I was miserable and failing at so many things. I am so blessed now to be home raising my three girls. I had no intention of being a SAHM, and my husband did not want me to be one. God led us in this direction and now we know that it is what He wants me to do. Thank you so much for this inspiring post Sarah Mae!
Amy´s last blog post … Snowed In
Good points. But I would also add that the Virtuous Woman in Pro.31 was a worker as well…she made garments for merchants, she bought a field, she took care of her family and so on. A very hard worker and smart business women it appears. This is one of my favorite chapters in the bible. I have often gone to it to meditate on.
Tracy @ Hall of Fame Moms´s last blog post … Count your blessings everyday- a review of December 2009.
I have been a stay at home mom since we got married, before children. I have taken child care jobs in my home, ironing, selling candy bars in front of stores, graphic design from home, then into a Director role at a women’s home. I prayed that God would relieve me so I could focus on the family. My busy schedule got me frazzled and my home was no longer balanced. The more I did outside the home the more I felt like those outside my home ‘needed’ me so much more, but Holy Spirit reminded me that no one can fill the shoes of mom, while He could send someone else who have no children (or grown kids) to be in the roles I had. So he took my roles outside, from me. I am so much happier and less stressed now. God has also given me a vision to be able to work from home and include my teen girls in the vision so they can remain at home as well. We believe in furthering education, from home. In the safety of family. For us, it has been the better choice.
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Boy…this comes at a time when I am struggling out right with this issue.
I was raised that I could do and be anything I wanted to be. My mother was a single-working mom and did the best she could to make my life a happy one. Though not formally (as in college) educated, my mother worked hard and taught me that not only could I do the same, but I could most likely do it better than any man. Enter my grandparents~ the two people coming alongside my mother in raising me. My grandfather (bless his heart) even reinforced the feminist mentality. He expected great things from me…a college education, professional successes, beautiful family, nice home, etc. All the while, my nannie was a stay-at-home mother and wife. She epitomized everything a godly woman in charge of shepherding her home looks like. Yet, all of her “successes” were never mentioned. They certainly weren’t overlooked…she was appreciated no doubt. But her choice of being a wife and mother was never “taught” as an option.
I did go to college, I did have professional successes. And I’d like to think that though my ultimate goal is to be a SAHM now, I take many lessons away from my worldly accomplishments. I learned in them where my purpose and calling really are. My personal purpose and calling from God…this is different for every individual (woman). Having said that, too, I am not abandoning my goals and aspirations while choosing to be there for my family first. Tending to my home is my ultimate priority after being a daughter of the Most High, but besides being a wife/mother He has blessed me with talents and interests that I pursue often. I think that keeps me balanced.
With working outside of the home…I’m torn. I desperately yearn to be at home with my children full-time, but financially it is necessary that I work part-time. My husband also requests this of me. Though my flesh wants to get up and quit. I have to be faithful in knowing my obedience to both God and my hubby will prepare the way for me to stay home indefinitely with my children. It’s a hard decision to face. One I’ve handled and continue to meet with much prayer.
Sarah, your posts always come at a time when I need honesty and encouragement. Thank you so much for your candidness in presenting Scripture to us.
Blessings friend,
Kelli @ SustainingCreativity
Kelli´s last blog post … Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!
Sarah Mae I’m thankful for your heart.
I have written and rewritten this comment several times now!
I struggle with this so much…I personally believe that feminism has hurt women so much more than it has ever helped them. That being said, I highly value my education and am so thankful to have had the opportunity to obtain it. It lends me so much in the high calling of being a wife and mother and in my Titus 2 calling to pour into the loves of other women.
I work 20 hours a week outside of the home. I love what I do and I labor under the assumption that God has placed a calling on my life for this endeavor. But I am not laboring under the assumption that I’m the only person who can do it. I am, however, the only person who can be the best wife to my husband and mother to my children.
You’re 100% right when you say that we cannot have it all. I believe the thought that a woman can be wife, mother and career woman and juggle it completely sucessfully and in a healthy manner is a lie straight from the pit of hell. Something suffers along the way. I don’t say this to offend or hurt women who have no choice but to work. I understand that well because my husband and I can’t afford for me to stay home full-time. Even working 20 hours a week with a husband and 2 small children wears me out.
I am glad for the opportunity to have an education and I am glad that I can work and vote and contribute…but I also wish I had been taught the value of homemaking…so that when the time came for me to move in that direction it wouldn’t have been such a challenge.
I don’t have daughters, and frankly, I prayed that the Lord would give me boys (wow…what a prayer!) But I think if I ever have a daughter I would hope to raise her with a heart that longs to follow after the Lord’s path for her, whatever that is. I hope she will pursue higher education. An education can protect her and provide for her in the event that she 1) never marries, 2) ends up divorced or widowed, or 3) so that she can contribute in some way after her children are grown. But I hope to model for her through my life that her God and her family should always be her #1 priority.
Thanks for your thoughts and for your heart to take a stand for the Word of God :-)
Brooke McGlothlin´s last blog post … On waiting
[...] I came across a beautiful blog (that I’m still exploring) with this intriguing post: If You’re Not Raising Your Daughters To Be Homemakers, You Are Potentially Hurting Them. [...]
What an awesome post! I remember you mentioning a family that you know whose mom is training her daughters to be good homemakers. That has stuck with me…I want that for my daughter. I had a single working mom, so I’m slowing figuring all this out on my own.
And my sweet mom…when my daughter says things like, “When can I get married?” or “When do I get to be a mommy?” my mom responds, “After you finish medical school and fall in love with a Godly man just like your Daddy.” She laughs when she says it, but I think that’s what the world teaches us now. How will my grandchildren suffer if my mom’s dream comes true for Kaylin???
Intentionally Katie´s last blog post … I’m curious…
Uhh…Darling…I don’t see ONE quote in the above article that relates to your own twisted up-bringing! Unless it is the 10th from the bottom, (you figure it out), and that’s not a bad thing, now is it?
Have a wonderful New Year’s Eve, and please don’t start hittin’ the bottle again this year. (remember, I know you better than you know yourself). LOL
Love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i agree wholeheartedly sarahmae!! how funny that i posted a similar post a few days ago http://agodlyhomemaker.blogspot.com/2009/12/my-thoughts.html
p.s i don’t think college is the best place for our young women and i don’t think it’s all it’s cracked up to be for anyone!
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I am a single mom; I have two college degrees; I was raised by a single parent, loved by a SAH grandmom, my greatest male role model was my grandfather, and my marriage did not make it. How I came to this position in life is a long story, but what I plead Christian mothers to do is to remember that LOVE and FAITH patterned after Jesus Christ is what we use as our foundation for our families, whether we are a SAHM or not.
Many may say that I can’t raise my sons to be God loving fathers, but through Jesus Christ Christian moms of all types can do what is best for their families, through God who grants them grace, power, and victory!
Also it is LOVE and FAITH patterned after Jesus Christ that we use this medium of blogging to not only encourage those who are like ourselves but to reach out to those who may not have lives like ours but are in need of a relationship with Jesus Christ.
Alone I raise my two sons to know that beyond their earthly boundaries they are ambassadors of Christ with every breath and step that they take.
There is no husband in my home, but the day begins with prayer and scripture; the evening begins with prayer and Bible study; the week begins with keeping the Sabaath; the week ends with a family meeting, and all my love nurturing and advice is wrapped in the word of God.
Let’s remember that no matter what our homes are like, it is our charge as Christians to encourage the believers but also guide the lost to the path of righteousness.
Other blog writers may say “Well if they are uncomfortable here, they can click elsewhere.” As Christian moms, we must love all who may come by and be careful to make sure that they do not feel like their lives cannot receive the promises of God.
This is not my first time here, and it will not be my last. Today, as always, I enjoyed your post. New Journeys, New Hopes, New Faith, New Victories…Happy New Year!
Tia´s last blog post … What’s the word?
Tia – AMEN!
Sarah-
Thank you for posting on this subject, controversial as it may be. I believe God has really been shaping me as a homemaker this past year. I have never had so much joy and peace in keeping a home as this year. I think it is because I have embraced it as the place God wants me to be and that is where His glory can shine through me. I look forward to teaching my daughters how to be homemakers for God’s glory.
I recently finished reading Carolyn Mahaney’s book “Feminine Appeal” which totally goes along with this subject, as it is based on Titus 2. She also has written an article called “Homemaking Internship” that goes right along with what you posted. Here is the link if anyone is interested. http://www.cbmw.org/images/jbmw_pdf/11_2/homemaking_internship.pdf
Thanks for being real.
May God’s grace shine upon you.
After finding your blog, and reading this post before anything else on your blog I must say: I AM IMPRESSED! As the married mother to an 8 month old princess of God and currently pregnant with a prince of God, this was a great help to me. I have been researching this very topic for the last few weeks and I must say, this blog sold me. I wasn’t raised to exactly be a homemaker, but I have found that is is the calling God has given me. I also care for my disabled husband *major back issues, but not in a wheelchair yet through prayer we feel God has withheld that issue for now.* I wish I would have had more guidance in being a homemaker and am now finding that it is being met with great opposition from a few of my sisters and such. I also wish to take it as my calling to raise my daughter with a classical education at home and more of a formal education though homeschooled for our son. We feel it is the best for our children to be guided and groomed to be godly into adulthood. I just wish I had a mentor to guide me more through these steps.
Sheila, check out raisinghomemakers.com – amazing mentors there!
I am a SAHM, I love my children beyond words, I serve God and my husband to the best of my strength but what this post made me consider is do I make my ‘mommy role’ look as if I LOVE IT!? This post has made me consider my impact and the message I may or may not be sending. It’s common for moms to complain, as if it’s a badge of mommyhood to ‘have a rough day’ or ‘the kids are acting up’ etc and as much as I endeavor to avoid that I sometimes follow suit. But, I want my daughter to LOVE serving God, and being a wonderful wife and mommy is one of the best way she can do that. Thank you!
Hey Sarah Mae,
I found your blog through a friend, and i just wanted to say what and encouragement you have been to me. Your blogs show me that there are other christian people in the world who think like me. I’m 16, and I have 11 siblings.I am being raised as a keeper at home, my hope Lord Willing is to get married and raise a family. I am so thankful to God as well for giving me parents who have raised me to be a keeper at home. As i look around at all of the young women i know, i see more and more how God has blessed me with such loving parents who don’t send me off to college but take the extra time to teach me skills for home keeping. Thank you also for the blog on modesty, it helped me and encouraged me so much.
Caroline
This is something i strugge with. I was taught I shouldn’t aspire to be anything other than a homemaker, and it left me totally unprepared when that isn’t how my life turned out. I also wasn’t actually taught homemaking skills, so wasn’t prepared when i ended up having a child.
A huge struggle is how do I raise my daughter right, and teach her anything about marriage, when I’ve never been married or even had a serious relationship?