Uncovering the Beauty – The First Command

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“…train the young women to love their husbands…” Titus 2:4

Marriage is hard, because being a sinner and loving a sinner is hard.  Writing this post is hard because I know that I fail and fall way short when it comes to loving my husband.

But it is the first command in Titus 2:4…it is listed before loving my children, so I know it is important, and therefore I must persevere.

Loving my husband.

So how can I love my husband well?

I looked up love in relation to this passage, and you know what I found?  This is the type of love (Philos) that is a friendly love – a companionship love.

I am to be my husband’s companion…his beloved companion.

It is why I was created.

“But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him…And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man…”  Genesis 2:20,22

I am my husband’s helper-completer.

He was not made for me, I was made for him.  So there it is, my first clue in loving him well – actively being his helper and companion, seeking and supporting his vision as I complete him as a person and in his work.

As his beloved companion, I am committed to giving myself, heart, mind, and body, to him and no other man.  “…your husband is the one to whom your exclusive, intimate fellowship and sexual responses belong.”  Barbara Mouser, Five Aspects of Woman

If this is why I was created, why then is it so hard to fulfill?  Why is it so hard to love my husband?

Friday…the curse.

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19 Coffee Talks on “Uncovering the Beauty – The First Command”

  1. Sarah says:

    "He was not made for me, I was made for him."
    Wow, That just hit me like a ton of bricks. Much to ponder my friend.
    .-= Sarah´s last blog post … Wordless Wednesday- Remember When. Hudson 18 Months. =-.

  2. EM says:

    I'm glad you looked up this kind of love. Being a companion, a good friend, someone to spend a quiet evening with, or lend a hand too doesn't sound as daunting as the previous notion of love that I had in my head. This kind of love can be given moment by moment, it doesn't have to be spent all at once in wild passion (though there is a time for that). After 9 years my DH are in a bit of a low spot. We're struggling. I worry that I can't do it, that I'm not able to love my man. But when you shared this verse, and mentioned this Philos love I realized that even through our struggles we are still companions. We are still shoulder to shoulder, not back to back or nose to nose. Even when I'm fighting with anger, disillusionment or despair I am able to hold the wrench, or stack the wood, or make a meal. In fact that's what keeps me going, the helping. I know that by God's grace we will climb out of this pit together and the summit will be a place of reignited passion based on a deep love and commitment to one another. Thanks for helping me to look up from the low spot.

  3. Jacquelyn says:

    In Hebrew the words used in the book of Genesis to describe the wife given to Adam in essence mean "completing counterpart", an opposite that completes the picture like a puzzle with each gender having strengths that can only be maximized by their counterpart's need and weaknesses that can only be mitigated by their counterpart's capabilities. It's both humbling and empowering at the same time – though it is sometimes tough to accept that by keeping the house clean I'm helping my husband be a better man :)
    .-= Jacquelyn´s last blog post … Moral Obligation: =-.

  4. TeriLynneU says:

    I am Scott's helper … finally grasping that truth a few years ago profoundly changed my entire understanding of our marriage and our home. I quit my job so that I could be available to him … so that if he wanted someone to run to town with or had something that needed proofing, I'd be available. So that when he needed help getting stage set for special events at the church, I'd be there. And because I realized this … As a wife and mother, I will give my husband the leftovers … and I am determined not to do that. When people ask me why I no longer "work" I tell them it's not so I can be a better mom … I was honestly a better mom when I was working … it's so I can be the wife God called me to be. And it's been so amazing to see how God has worked in us … we are literally together between 17 & 20 hours of every day … yeah we get on each other's nerves, yeah we have our disagreements and yeah sometimes we each just need space … but truly I know there is no one who is helping my husband in any way more than I am. What a joy!!
    .-= TeriLynneU´s last blog post … {WFMW} Twinkling Lights, Happy Glow =-.

  5. Loving this series– I am starting the long process of learning to serve and support my husband biblically in addition to relinquishing the control and rightful place in our marriage and home that I have denied him for so long. This is truly invaluable. Thank you!
    .-= Lindsey @ A New Life´s last blog post … Living for the First Time =-.

  6. Michelle says:

    I have just begun studying the topic of biblical femininity. I've done some web surfing on the topic, which is how I found your site. How timely that you've just begun a study of Titus 2! I'm looking forward to visiting daily!

    God Bless!

  7. Helping can be hard… because truly helping is doing it on the terms of who you are helping, not your own.

    For years I've wanted to help my husband in the ways I thought he needed/ wanted help.

    Now I am learning that to truly help, I need to ask him and do as he asks… Right away, all the way and with a happy heart, without so much as even an inside grumble. And that's not easy because, well, Satan likes to stroke my ego.

    But I have a feeling you'll be getting into that tomorrow.
    .-= Amy @ MOMSTOOLBOX´s last blog post … SOAP: Go into the all the world and preach the good news… all from your computer =-.

  8. I think the image most women have of what it means to be a wife is sadly distorted by what television and movies portray. If the woman of the house isn't the perfect wife and mother…who can be the wild woman in the bedroom as well…then somehow the woman doesn't measure up. Similar stereotypes exist for men as well. Is it any wonder there is so much divorce when expectations are completely unrealistic?

    This verse…and the reminder of what it means to be a true companion is truly a more accurate portrait of a wife than anything modern society can portray. I thank God after 21 years of marriage…and a lot of relationship struggles…I finally am in a place where I understand what it means to love my husband.
    .-= Kristine McGuire´s last blog post … Love Almost Lost =-.

  9. Chrissy says:

    I think the world we live in makes it hard for us to love our husbands the way God intended. It is good for us to remember, as you wrote above, that we were created for him… and not the other way around.
    .-= Chrissy´s last blog post … The Best Part of Waking Up … =-.

  10. Tiffany says:

    Thank you for this post. It hit me hard this morning. Sometimes loving a sinner is hard…but your words speak truth "He was not made for me, I was made for him." Wow.
    .-= Tiffany´s last blog post … Etsy Tuesday =-.

  11. Melissa Cummings says:

    There are a dozen ladies from my church studying The Five Aspects of Woman right now. We are still in the first aspect, but are having great discussions and learning a lot. The other thing about our small study, is that the host tried to get an equal number of older ladies and younger ladies, so that we could incorporate the Titus 2 principle more blatantly and effectively. Your posts are lining right up with our current discussion, and I am thankful. I'll be sharing your link soon. :)

  12. Heather says:

    This is exactly what I needed to hear today. My husband is a theatre director and I have been complaining lately (not in a very productive way, either) about his being gone so much lately for practices, etc. Instead of being grateful that he asks us to come to the school to be with him when he works on it at night (some husbands would prefer their families stay away, right?!) I get annoyed that he's not home for dinner. I realized again today that I should be thankful he wants to include us so and that he is able to earn a living doing what he really loves… and gets summers off!

    I just sent him a text message telling him this. I'm sure he'll appreciate your inspiration. ;)

  13. Deep, good and so needed. Thanks! :D
    .-= Melissa Doddridge´s last blog post … Don't Wanna Go One More Day….. =-.

  14. Debbie says:

    I wont' tell you how many times I have heard this lately – and I know its for a purpose. I struggle with this. I don't want to die to myself. (there. i said it). I want my way cuz I think it's better. it's the basis of most of the contention in my relationship with my husband. And it does make marriage much harder than it has to be. Embracing this role is not easy. As fallen as I am – he is, too – and I struggle with God's authority, so of course I struggle with my husband's too.

    Sin sucks.
    .-= Debbie´s last blog post … My First Blog Award! =-.

  15. Tracey says:

    WOW! So timely is this post. My husband and I, well, let me rephrase that and say that I am struggling with this lately as my husband and I are going through a rough patch in our marriage. I am thankful that you have reminded me of my duty to LOVE my husband first!
    Blessings to you…
    .-= Tracey ´s last blog post … Back to Reality =-.

  16. Larie says:

    How do I love my husband in this way? I guess I mean like what does Philos love look like?

    smooches,
    Larie
    .-= Larie´s last blog post … …of me 'n them airplanes! =-.

    • SarahMae says:

      Larie – great question! I'm going to explain more of what that means when I cover the last command in Titus 2:3-5 – "submit to your husbands." It will be good – it's so cool! :)

  17. Great post my friend! Some days I do really well and some days I do horribly! I love my husband and am so blessed to have such a wonderful man – I hate that I so often fall short of being a truly helpful, devoted, loving wife. I know the Lord can help me though!

  18. [...] Uncovering the Beauty – The First Command – A beautiful post about the first command in Titus 2:4, Love your Husband. I love how she talks about how we were made for him, to complete him and his work. [...]

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    I'm Sarah Mae. I'm figuring out how to fit perfect into fallen skin. Stick around for the stretching...your soul is welcome here.

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