How selfish am I? That is a question that I’ve asked myself periodically in my marriage. I’d been withholding my love from my husband and not even known it.
You may ask, “Just how have you been selfish and withholding your love?” Some of the answer may be obvious…sex; but other things weren’t so obvious at first glance. I had to sit there and stare to see it at first.
It’s true that I am a woman with thoughts, emotions and feelings but God brought me to the realization that I’m to put those things aside or throw them away if I am not obedient to His Word first. The Scripture passage that He used to bring it to light was Ephesians 5:24, “Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”
Yeah, yeah. I’ve skimmed that verse dozens of times. It was in the heat of feeling wounded that “In everything” was laid in my lap. What was I going to do with that? God, please. (Imagine my head and eyes rolling at this point). Uh huh, I went there with Him.
“Do you know what he just said to me?”, I said to my Daddy (Abba Father). His response…”I know full well what he said to you. He doesn’t even know that he hurt you. You just read My Word and you have a choice to make. Either you can sit there and sulk and be disobedient or you can go and grab your husband and apologize for having a bad attitude toward him. I’m your rewarder when you’re obedient. Your goal is to first please me. Love him like I love him (and you for that matter).”
WHOA! I couldn’t argue with that (nor did I want to). At that point I realized that selfishness had played a major role in my attitude toward my husband. It was all about me and how my needs weren’t being met, how he was being insensitive to me, how I’m not the one at fault in this.
Two words; “IN EVERYTHING” transformed the way I thought about my response to my husband. There were and are continually choices to be made in handling situations: be obedient to God’s Word and He will reward me. My attitude is not to be contingent on my husband’s obedience to God’s Word.
Kela is truly a Daddy’s girl (Abba Father). Has been for almost 15 years now. She has a major crush on her best friend and husband, Brian for over 15 years. She is the mother and homeschooler of six wild and crazy kids (but they do know how to act in public). First on her list of things to do every morning is to brew a cup of delicious coffee and spend time with God She and her husband have a heart for helping and enriching the marriages of those around them by being mentors.
She can be found at Pursuing What is Excellent writing about marriage, children and whatever else God is breathing into her to pour out to others.