Grace & Truth, Part 4 – Communicating Truth While Not Being "Judgmental"
The minute you speak a truth that is counter to how someone is living, you are automatically labeled that infamous “J” word…
Judgmental.
It strikes fear in the heart of the Christian who is passionate for truth. Just the word, “judgmental,” is so powerful, so effective because no one wants to be “that” person…so we run from it, we fear it, we explain ourselves up and down so that people understand that we are not judgmental, we are just…just…trying to speak the truth!
Anyone pickin’ up what I’m puttin’ down here?
Here’s the lowdown of how to speak the truth without being judgmental (oh heck, what am I talking about, you still may get called judgmental!):
Don’t Be Afraid of the Truth
Ground yourself in scipture, memorizing God’s word, so when the time comes to speak truth you will be able to point to God as the source, not yourself or your opinions.
“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” 2 Timothy 3:16-17
Know Who You Are
I’m sorry, I know I say this a lot, but it just can’t be said enough. You have got to be secure in your identity in Christ if you are ever to be a courageous and bold witness and truth-give for Jesus. You just have to, or you will either fall apart under the pressure and become cowardly (I know because I’ve done it) or you will get hard, defensive, and angry (I know this too, because, yep, I’ve done it!). When we know who we are (servants of Jesus Christ, holy and loved by grace alone), then we are released from the judgments that others may place upon us.
Speak Carefully and Kindly
I have read way too many posts (confession – including my own) that are rants with an angry undertone against other Christians who are either, A.) not living rightly, or B.) too “judgmental. Ya’ll, we are to seek love, which is the perfect bond of unity (Colossians 3:14)! Let’s be encouragers, not killers, and let’s not forget…
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue…” Proverbs 18:21
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger.” Proverbs 15:1
“The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer…” Proverbs 15:28
Clothe Yourself In Humility
It is so easy to forget where we came from. The next time you see fit to write or speak about another Christian who is “failing”, remember who you are and why it is you need a savior. All too often I myself forget that it is only by His grace that I am where I am. You may have had a veil lifted from your eyes to certain truths that others have just not seen yet. Be patient with them. God is most patient with us.
“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” Proverbs 11:2
“All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’” 1 Peter 5:5
I know it can be frustrating when it seems as though Christians are using grace as an excuse to live disobedient lives. I understand the frustration, because I see it too, but also because I so often am that disobedient Christian. Yes, I want to see lives transformed and the body following its head, Jesus Christ; however, I must first continue to look at myself, allowing the Lord to probe my heart and my spirit daily, searching it…knowing it…pruning it. We all need pruning.
The other major thing to keep in mind is the fact that there will be disagreements on what truth is. When these disagreements arise, we must let grace cover and continue to walk in the truth we’ve been show. Sometimes that will lead to a parting of ways (in a church, for example), or it may just lead to agreeing to disagree. Either way, let’s pray for one another, and seek to act out of the fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).
Now, there is one more thing that needs to be in the discussion of truth and grace, and that is motives. Let’s dig into that next week.
What are some things you’ve learned in how to communicate in grace and truth?
“So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.” Colossians 3:12-14
Grace & Truth Series:
Grace & Truth, Part 1 – I Confess
Grace & Truth, Part 2 – Grace is Risky
Grace & Truth, Part 3 – Discerning Faithful Obedience from Legalism
*I’m writing over at Inspired Bliss today, if you have time, pop in and visit me!
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Well done.
Christians have a very fine line to walk. It's not our truth that is the problem–it's our attitude. Out of the heart our mouths speak.
Perhaps the greatest compliment I have ever received was this, "I appreciate that when you share in our Sunday School class you are not using your words, but God's." I am 37 and attend the senior adult class at my church … to be in a room with the combined wisdom and experience of 30+ godly men and women is a blessing to me every week. So often, the judgmental part comes when we are not grounded in the entirety of the Word. Too often I see people who KNOW certain portions of Scripture yet fail to make the WHOLE WORLD a priority. This happens with those who are "legalistic" and focus on the Do's/Don't Do's AND with those who focus entirely on love/grace/mercy and fail to recognize that we serve a Mighty God who has expectations of us and will one day call us to judgment. My desire to be completely immersed in the Word of God … especially the parts that challenge my flesh way of thinking. Of course, I'd prefer to engage in study of only the passages I find easiest to put int practice but then I would fail to grow and become "transformed by the renewing of (my) mind."
Insightful thoughts today, Sarah Mae. Thank you!
.-= TeriLynneU´s last blog post … I could tell you … =-.
"It is so easy to forget where we came from. The next time you see fit to write or speak about another Christian who is “failing”, remember who you are and why it is you need a savior."
Yes! This is why it is important to tell our OWN story.
Also, yeah, I know that it's going to be hard to skip being labeled as judgmental, however, I like to encourage others to read the Bible themselves so that they can see that it's not me talking at all. Yes, I agree with you, Sarah Mae, that we should memorize scripture, adding to that, if I may, we should also allow them to read it themselves. It just sometimes helps to see things for ourselves.
I totally feel as if I am not being clear…am I?
smooches,
Larie
.-= Larie´s last blog post … …of "But You Must Spare Her Life" =-.
Larie – Absolutely! In fact, when presenting a truth, you are right, we should open our bible and point to the scripture. Thank you for adding this!
Joyce Meyer's advice about this has always stuck with me- that if you are pointing out sin, you are not being judgmental. It is all in the approach, your motives and your attitude. Any time that we feel the need to "speak the truth in love" to someone we need to make sure it is our truth to speak to them. Only the Holy Spirit can tell you if you are the one to address an issue.
.-= Melissa Multitasking Mama´s last blog post … New Season of Great Television! =-.
Oh legalism…I was submerged in it growing up and to this day I battle with it. Knowing truth yet breaking old mindsets is hard…it leads me to struggle with finding balance in just about every area of my life. But God is bigger. One of many things God is teaching me is that I must read His word and obey with humility. In that order, rather than making my rules and finding scripture to back me/them up. Reading and understanding scripture in context is so important. Our church preaches expositorily rather than topically and that has been one of the biggest tools God has used in my growth in this area. And Praise Him, He's not done with me yet!
This is a difficult topic, yet so important. Thank you Sarah Mae for writing about it.
.-= Stephanie´s last blog post … If You're Happy and You Know it… =-.
I am picking up what you are putting down! So often I leave a conversation wondering if I have spoken truth with grace or if I came off judgmental thus pushing people farther from the truth. Questions like, How many children do you all plan to have? or Why are you planning on homeschooling? both excite me and leave me a bit nervous.
Thank you for the tips! I have recently discovered how VERY important it is to be able to recite God's word when sharing with others the hope that is found within me. His word is so powerful and takes the emphasis off of me and onto Him! I am also reminded to always go the Father for guidance before I am about to speak the Truth. I know that I can come to Him and ask him to direct my words and my heart, which gives me great peace.
I am really enjoying this series! Thank you!
.-= Stephanie´s last blog post … Recipe Share: Cresent Roll Chicken Pockets =-.
I loved your explaination of humility. Of course not matter how hard you try, people can always choose to think of you as judgemental (out of hurt pride or over sensitivity), but the chances of that happening when you live a humble life are drastically lowered.
It seems that the people who seem to "have it all together" are the ones who it is hardest to take criticism from. Having transparancy and humilty before our sisters in Christ is one of the most important aspects of challenging each other in our faith. When you live a life that openly acknowledges that you are a sinner and desperately need the help of other Christians to grow in godliness, people feel more comfortable being challenged by you in return.
Usually if I am about to confront somebody on something I first remind them that if they ever see anything in my life that they feel does not honor the Lord I REALLY want them to tell me and help me to conform my life to scripture. That helps them to know that I am not confronting them out of pride or conceit, but a genuine desire to grow together. If I have ever struggled in the same area as they are, I recount my own struggle and growth in the area. Then after explaining to them how I believe they are sinning or making an unwise choice (with scripture), I generally ask them if they had every thought about it in these terms or heard this particular passage of scripture. Do they see how it applies? Do they agree that this is what the Bible says and that they need to change in this area? If so then I ask them to let me help them to do that, if not then I let them know that I will be praying for God to either change their heart or my own about the matter.
.-= Jessalyn´s last blog post … Can’t Help Loving that Man of Mine =-.
Very sound advice Jessalyn! Thank you!
It is such a heart thing, that speaking-truth-in-love without judgment. Only God ever knows where our hearts are. I have often found it better to hold my silence until He asks me to speak than to speak truth whenever I feel it's needed. Focusing my own relationship with Him has become my standard; if that is not in place, I don't have any business speaking to the "specks" in another's eye while knocking them over with my own unnoticed 2×4. It is best for me to remember that God is not striking them dead, and His mercy holds me back from it too.
.-= Kelly Langner Sauer´s last blog post … I glanced up, and there was the morning… =-.
This is some good stuff Sarah! Thanks for sharing this series!
.-= Traci´s last blog post … There Will Be "Those" Days =-.
You are putting together a great series here! I have enjoyed reading through all the comments, too.
We should also pray for discernment to know when and how to approach someone that may need correction or help. A word rightly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.
I hope you have a great time at the conference! Have fun and come back and share all your fun.
Love,
Robin
.-= Robin´s last blog post … The Unveiling! =-.
You nailed this. It really is speaking GOD'S word to others in a spirit of humility – knowing in any situation "there but for the Grace of God go I!" Beautifully done – thank you for tackling this! For speaking the Truth in Love.
.-= Debbie´s last blog post … God is Not Enough – Part 2 =-.
You know that I struggle so much with speaking boldly for the Lord…but your words here are very encouraging!
.-= Muthering Heights´s last blog post … Wordless/Wordful Wednesday – La Leche League Would Be Proud =-.
Oh, what great advice you have given. It is a fine line to walk. Honestly, I think if our heart motives are pure — if we are sharing out of concern for someone, then it won't come across as "holier than thou" or hard. Heart motives are key.
Humility was a great point Sarah Mae. None of us are too high to fall.
Have a great day!
Beth
.-= Beth´s last blog post … A Time to Live! =-.
Very nice Sarah Mae! I know what the Lord has shown me and am so blessed, but I am not strong enough in the Scriptures, so I have a lot of work to do to increase my knowledge. It really is important to know God's Word well enough to share (I'm working on it!).
.-= Lisa @ Stop and Smell the Chocolates´s last blog post … Works-For-Me Wednesday: Dish Soap Drizzler =-.
Thank you for being willing to speak about humility.
I think the reason that so many of us struggle with being judgmental is that this is one area where our faith fails us. Sometimes it is so easy for us to see what is wrong, and we long to put things to rights. . . and we fail to trust that God will do it. It is the job of the Holy Spirit to convict; it is not our job. But, oh, how we are tempted to "help" the Spirit, aren't we?
We must believe that God will in fact judge, and we must keep the humility of which you speak. This will remind us that in fact God is the ONLY one competent to judge. The Lord tells us not to judge others because He loves us–He knows that judging others is bad for us. It's not a task for which He created us. It's not something we can do correctly; only He is fit for it.
When I feel those twinges of so badly wanting to point out the disobedience of another, I remember that the Lord has told me not to judge. So if I am judgmental, I am just as guilty of disobedience as the poor sinner who was about to be the object of my judging.
Thank you for addressing this topic. May we all be encouraged to allow God to sit upon His throne. We are so blessed to be cleansed by Jesus so that we're fit to worship at His feet. The throne is His alone.
God bless you.
.-= Richella´s last blog post … DIY Day: Bake someone happy =-.
I feel that speaking truth with grace requires discernment. We don't always have to say something. Sometimes you never have to say anything. I was in a church before where most of the women wore dresses or skirts. For the most part, the women wouldn't bat an eyelash at a new church visitor wearing pants, but as soon as she became faithful or wanted to be in ministry the legalism would set in. I have found more Christians that are far more critical of other Christians than the world is. It's the same spirit that plagued the minds of the pharisees. I can tell you that when a woman wearing pants walks into a church where practically everyone is all dressed up in their 'Sunday Best', they already feel under dressed, there's no need to point it out to her.
I personally feel that when the time is right, it is better to speak from personal testimony. Any Believer who has a good solid foundation in the scriptures could debate any other Christians for hours about specifics, but in the end all they've done is create a battle zone to see who is 'right' and who is 'wrong'. The focus should always be to love Christ, not who lives the closest to the Bible.
.-= Sisterlisa´s last blog post … Stay, Even When It Hurts =-.