It is so weird to have posted something so vulnerable.
I feel like you all have now glimpsed behind the flesh wall into the soul wound…and it is humbling. However, it is good…
Because it is real.
And I know I’m not the only one.
Since the time of when I first wrote the “ick” post, some things have changed. I realized that I could not try harder, do better, make myself feel differently than I did. I was completely and utterly at the mercy of a God who is the only one who can restore what the locusts have eaten.
It is when I said, “I can’t do it” that He did. It is when I gave in, threw in the towel, and determined to let God into my heart and soul to do the surgery work while I was knocked out…’cause knocked out I was!
I won’t go into details, but I will say that the bondage I was in is no more.
Is everything perfect? No. Is everything much much better and more beautiful? Yes. God is that good, that loving, and that caring…He does care about intimacy. Union. Marriage. Oneness.
You are not beyond redemption. You do not have to live with the consequences of sin forever. He restores. He gives life to the dead.
If you are struggling with intimacy, please please please do not not give up…just give in. Give in to God and let Him heal you from the inside out. Fight for your marriage. Your husband needs you, and you need him. Don’t turn cold on him, let the anger go to God in a heart cry. You are not alone in this struggle.
And you can be healed.
“You did it: you changed wild lament
into whirling dance;
You ripped off my black mourning band
and decked me with wildflowers.
I’m about to burst with song;
I can’t keep quiet about you.
God, my God,
I can’t thank you enough.” Psalm 30:11,12
Intimate issues, Linda Dillow
Intended for Pleasure, Ed Wheat
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