Comments on: Avoiding Affairs, Part 4 – In Love After 31 Years Of Marriage

By: Warren Baldwin

Warren Baldwin — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 16:30:59 +0000

Note from a man’s perspective? This was a great article. Cathy is right; nothing keeps a husband’s excitement for his wife alive like respect and physical intimacy. The respect is what keeps his head high and proud to be in the relationship; the sex is the fruit of the relationship. This is discussed so well in Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. Most husbands won’t (or can’t) tell their wives what it means when they tell him, “I’m proud of you!” with a smile on their face and a hug. Why, he’d climb a mountain and kill a grizzly with his bare hands if that’s what she wanted right then. Husbands don’t always act worthy of respect (spend money unwisely, watch too much football, etc.), so wives may have to look a little to find something to compliment, but if she will, it pays dividends in ways that criticizing him never can.

Jessalyn made an important statement I’d like to comment on: “It is true that respecting and having sex with your husband can never keep him faithful. To say so would be to put your trust in your own actions and not the Lord’s perfect will for your life. I do however believe that these principles are taught in scripture as guidelines for the wife and her service to her husband. What a man does with these gifts of service reflect on his spiritual state and not necessarily the wife’s.”

That is very true. There are 4 adultery sections in Proverbs (chs. 2,5,6,7). In each of them a female temptress entices a man into an unlawful sexual relationship. She has definitely acted out of line! But in these sections who does God hold accountable? The man. Even though he has been sorely tempted, the point of these sections in Proverbs is that the man must develop sufficient spiritual and emotional reserves to not give in, and if he is too week, to run away. A man with a devoted wife but who doesn’t appreciate her or isn’t spiritual may fall; a devoted husband with a wife who isn’t spiritual or doesn’t appreciate him can still stand strong, and in fact God expects him to.

I have been a minister/family counselor for 27 years. This subject/discussion still intrigues and amazes me! My wife and I have worked through all the emotional and marital stresses successfully for 27 years and now work with other young couples. This is great work you are doing on this blog, Sarah Mae.

Warren Baldwin
Blog: Family Fountain
Warren Baldwin´s last blog post … Follow up on Challenge to Character

By: Lisa @ Stop and Smell the Chocolates

Lisa @ Stop and Smell the Chocolates — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 06:25:44 +0000

All excellent advice! This has been a great series! I still take all this advice to heart even though hubs and me are best friends and have been happily married for almost 17 years!
Lisa @ Stop and Smell the Chocolates´s last blog post … Giveaway Winner & Other Giveaways To Enter

By: Jessalyn

Jessalyn — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 18:52:15 +0000

Sarah,

It is true that respecting and having sex with your husband can never keep him faithful. To say so would be to put your trust in your own actions and not the Lord’s perfect will for your life. I do however believe that these principles are taught in scripture as guidelines for the wife and her service to her husband. What a man does with these gifts of service reflect on his spiritual state and not necessarily the wife’s. However, that does not negate the wife’s responsibility to serve her husband in this way. Most men who are loved in such a way are safeguarded from searching elsewhere, but not all of them. It seems that you are speaking from a painful experience and for that I am very, very sorry. I will be praying that the Lord works his perfect will for you and your husband and that he will draw you both closer to him through this trial.
Jessalyn ´s last blog post … Your Marriage and God

By: Cassandra Frear

Cassandra Frear — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 15:19:39 +0000

I respect Cathy Bowman for shooting straight and not flinching. Good solid advice for women. I have been married to my best friend for 25 years, and her advice resonates. I would add to it a footnote. If you are not able to enjoy your relationship with your husband fully — if he is not your confidant, passionate lover, dearest friend, one and only — then seek help, seek mentoring, seek counseling until you are deeply satisfied that all is well. Many don’t do this before there is a bigger problem, but after, and then it’s so much more difficult.
Cassandra Frear´s last blog post … The Great Afternoon Tea

By: Holly

Holly — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 00:48:31 +0000

Sarah Mae,

I totally agree with Kendra about how having women share stories of their infidelity in marriage truly showed God’s goodness and grace, and I think the thing that has really stuck with me the most was the concept that we should never think “Oh I would never do that.” I don’t believe that any of us are “above” or “too good” to cheat on our husband’s. But I also feel like this taught me that we do need to set up safeguards and be open about it with our spouses, if we haven’t already. Thanks to those women who shared.

And I so appreciate how you are going full circle with it by having women share ways that kept their marriages strong and full of love, passion and God in the centre ~ ultimately something I long for in our marriage for years to come.
Holly´s last blog post … Basement Reno’s

By: Becky

Becky — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 16:45:05 +0000

@Allie Z — thanks for the tips…and the comradarie. It can certainly be tricky. I think that when I say something my husband thinks it’s about him…but it’s soooo not. It’s really about me, and respect. Thanks for the tips!

By: Thena

Thena — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 16:27:38 +0000

@sarah falkd No its not always the wifes fault. I think some are just doomed to cheat no matter what. MY first husband cheated and even though I forgave him and tried to work it out. He filed for divorce a year and a half after the affair. My prayers are with you Sarah, I’ve been there so if you ever want to talk please feel free to email me.
Thena´s last blog post … No Bake Cookies

By: Thena

Thena — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 16:10:23 +0000

I never realized it until my husband mentioned it that above sex they long for respect. Men want to know that all they do is not in vain, and unappreciated.
Thena´s last blog post … No Bake Cookies

By: Sarah

Sarah — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 16:02:26 +0000

I am loving this series. What wonderful advice these women are giving. Our bible study read Love and Respect a little while ago. That is an eye opening book and I highly recommend it.
Sarah´s last blog post … Last is First

By: Sisterlisa

Sisterlisa — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 15:50:41 +0000

I don’t think the author meant that it’s the wife’s fault if she doesn’t do these things, just that they are tips to having a healthy relationship. The key is to have a deep abiding relationship with Christ out Lord. Cover the husband with loads of prayer and trust God with the rest. Even with all the tips for maintaining a healthy relationship, yes the man could still fall to temptation. That is his fault and his fault alone. Men are not perfect, they are fallible. But there is hope and healing for a relationship that has lost the trust of fidelity.
Sisterlisa´s last blog post … Join Our Team