Avoiding Affairs, Part 2 – "How Could She Do That?!"
September 3rd, 2009
Today’s post is from Amber Haines, faith writer of TheRunaMuck.com and recipient of The Mother Letter Project. She inspires me. She will inspire you.
Once I spent days and days of grief over a friend’s wrong choice to sleep with a married man. I repeatedly said to myself, “How could she do that?! I would never do that!” (I did the same thing to another friend before I had my abortion.) I learned the hard way that nothing but grace holds a soul on the straight and narrow, and there’s nothing like pride to make the Narrow feel like a loosening tight rope.
I know that Be Humble doesn’t sound like very practical advice because it deals with the invisible, but really, only a few things about my affair weren’t invisible. There’s not a stitch of advice (and certainly no rule) that anyone can give that will speak louder than pride, so if you’re in the garden with all your choices, and a slithering at your ear brings to mind what all you deserve, read Hosea, realize your position within that story frame, and repent. That’s what I did, but I did it on the backside of failure to live in humility.
There is one thing, too, I wish I had known when I got married: other men will still be attractive to you. I had no idea! Know that sometimes you’ll just click with another man in that soul way, and it’s innocent and human and probably why you landed your husband in the first place. This is why, right now, you should make a date with your closest girlfriend and then agree with her to always tell her when you feel that soul connection toward someone else, and she’ll make sure you’re not making ways to deepen that connection. You don’t have to be alone with him to feel it, by the way, and to be attracted to someone else does not immediately iron-on the Scarlet Letter. Don’t walk around in guilt. The Scarlet Letter only comes with the harbored secret, so get the secrets out in the light.
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Photo Credit: The Scarlet (-ish) Letter
Oh the trouble we call upon ourselves any time we point a finger in judgement and say “how could he/she/they?”
The same trouble we find when we announce “I will NEVER”
God guard our hearts and our tongues and keep us in Your ways.
HisFireFly´s last blog post … Word Filled Wednesday September 2 – Thistle Seeds
I feel guilty for even thinking about looking lol. My family says I have an over-active conscience. Pride and secrets will get you nowhere…and quite possibly take down your relationship in the process. I think we all have those moments in our lives that we look and say to ourselves “I would never do that”….and shortly thereafter you find yourself doing what you said you would never do. It’s not God’s “sense of humor” as people say…(or at least that’s my belief)…it’s His way of humbling you. We all need reminders that we aren’t above anyone else or above making stupid decisions–and that no matter how spiritually connected we like to think we are…we’re still living in the flesh.
Kristen´s last blog post …
I agree. Pat needs to know that my lust for Ashton is PERFECTLY NORMAL!!!
And what a great reason for me to plan dinner with my girlfriends. :) Yes!
Mama Kat´s last blog post … Writer’s Workshop: Take THAT Google Adsense!
This post *How Could She Do That?!* resonated with me in a powerful way. I think I’ve been there, though probably denied it. Talking about it is POWERFUL. It brings it to the Light. I need to think on this one, and pray. Thank you, Amber and Sarah!
Brenna´s last blog post … Why Blog?
I once knew that I was treading dangerous waters with a male friendship. What was the main clue? I kept it from my best friend. So I think Amber gives some great advice :) Accountability is what we all need!!
Mirinda´s last blog post … a crown and a birthday.
well said
Kristi_runwatch´s last blog post … Blessed are the meek
And even with a list of physical boundaries, temptation can still get through that. I think we all have people we connect with. That’s why us women bond with other women, we have kindred spirits. I don’t think that kindred spirit is limited to fellow sisters, but brothers in Christ also. Stay close to your husband and if you’re single keep a proper distance from your girlfriend’s husbands.
Sisterlisa´s last blog post … September Issue of GGM
That was so inspiring!! Only God can give us the transperency to tell our testimony that way with such authority. When you point at someone, always remember that three fingers point back at you. There but by the grace of God go I!!
Valencia´s last blog post … Thankful Thursday
Thank you for posting about topics like this, definetly something many people will NOT talk about… and pretend doesn’t exist.
“There is one thing, too, I wish I had known when I got married: other men will still be attractive to you.”
This is one thing that all women should be told. And given tools to handle…
What a great post!
Corinne´s last blog post … Fearless & Fabulous
Good, solid advice! I understand being attracted to another man in recent years, and it was hard to admit, let alone separate from. It’s so easy to be lulled by easy conversation and comfort when home life feels rough & ragged. Thank God for His intervention and prevention of anything serious – but there, but for the grace of God, go I!
Debbie´s last blog post … Calling All Company Girls – Is it Due Season, Yet?
Such a wonderful post! I remember my pastor telling our high school group long ago, “beware of vows, they can trip you up”. I’ve noticed that if I say “I would NEVER” I’m opening a foothold to the Deceiver to place excuses and justifications for that very thing because, of course, I would never!
Thank you for the point about still finding other men attractive. I am so thankful I shared with my best friend about a man I know because it had blindsided me. By being honest with my friend about it I’ve helped my heart to not feel guilty but also to keep on my guard. Thank you for your honesty!
V. Higgins´s last blog post … Don’t Look Down
I have made a habit of telling my husband when I begin to find someone else ‘attractive’ and why. Usually it is that the man listens to me…?? Hhmmm… and I feel valued outside of being mom and cook and cleaner and chauffeur etc. This has been just a heads up to both of us and means there are no secrets going on.