I'm Thinking About Parenting…And How Stinkin' Hard It Is!
August 13th, 2009
There is cheese smushed on my kitchen floor.
Do you know why there is cheese smushed on my kitchen floor?
{honey, don’t read next part}
Because I let my kids eat shredded cheese on the kitchen floor…no plates, no silverwear…just straight out of the bag.
Sometimes parenting is just that way.
And sometimes you just need to roll with it so you don’t have a freak out.
Which I almost had today.
But I didn’t.
I keep reminding myself that parenting was never intended to be easy…
or always fun…
or always clean.
Parenting is stinkin’ hard.
Intentional parenting is really stinkin’ hard.
But I want intentional.
I want to do the hard things so that I can one day look back and say, “I didn’t do it perfectly, but I chose my children over myself.”
That’s where it gets hard, doesn’t it? When we choose to serve our children instead of our own desires.
You want to know something? There are plenty of days I would like to pursue full-time writing. There are plenty of days I would just like to get a part-time job so I can have adult conversation and do something other than clean poop, kiss boo boo’s, intervene during the 500 conflicts a day, make PB & J sandwhiches, clean up PB & J sandwhiches, play candyland, spend time preparing crafts that they only play with for five minutes, etc.
Then I pinch myself out of my funk and thank God for the privilege to clean poop, kiss boo boo’s, intervene during the 500 conflicts a day, make PB & J sandwiches, clean up PB & J sandwiches, play candy land, spend time preparing crafts that they only play with for five minutes, etc. I would never want to give those moments to another.
Because
It is in those moments that I am the one to say, “great poo honey, soon you can go on the potty” or “it’s okay that you’re having a hard time going in the potty, you and me babe, we’ll keep working on it until you can do it, and I know you can do it!” I have the opportunity to “heal” a hurt, teach kindness and sharing and selflessness through the conflicts, spread love on every sandwich, give my kiddos the spur of the moment time they crave during different intervals in the day, and be pushed and challenged in selflessness by doing the seemingly monotonous things for some little’s that won’t necessarily remember.
But they do take it in.
And it gets in their little psyches.
And memories are filled.
And home is the place where firsts are made and goals are met and the spirit is nurtured.
So yea, parenting is hard.
Intentional parenting is even harder.
Even on the freak out cheese days.
I wouldn’t give it up for anything.
You are so right! Lately life has just been easier accepting and being grateful for the opportunity to raise my kids. I’m so grateful.
Heather @ CSAHM´s last blog post … Crafting: Basic Pottery Tools
I couldn’t have said it better myself. Neither the how hard it is part or how grateful I am to be doing it! It’s just that I don’t always have those same feelings at the exact same time. :-) Great post!
Tyra´s last blog post … Thursday already?!
i know exactly what you mean. i was thinking about this very thing last night. do i give enough? do i die to myself enough for them?
melissa stover´s last blog post … Testing Live Writer
I am the queen of freak out cheese days and this post was such an encouragement to me!! I even sent the link to my dear friend who’s been struggling with this exact same thing!! Love your blog!
Amanda Jo´s last blog post … Goings On
Thank you for this post. I needed it!
I had cheese on my kitchen floor a few weeks ago!
smooches,
Larie
Larie´s last blog post … …of She Speaks Conference part 4
Well said, Sarah Mae. Well said.
Kelly´s last blog post … My Creative Space
Today’s been a hard day at my household. I did good and didn’t freak out, but I had to go get myself a large Coke–lol. Probably not the best way to handle it, but that’s where I’m at. We’ve been working on being intentional in our household too. I can totally relate to your post. Thanks for putting my feelings into words.
Thank you for that post. WELL SAID!!! New reader and loving your word! I also adore your intro, it makes me feel so welcome. See you soon!
girl, we’re on the same wavelength today -
http://1wonderwomanwannabe.blogspot.com/2009/08/keep-calm-and-carry-on_13.html
thanks for sharing.
heidi´s last blog post … Keep Calm and Carry On…
Thank you for making me feel normal.
So good, Sarah Mae! I know what you mean … it is hard but oh the joys of seeing the beginnings of fruit … like now that my daughter is doing her own quiet time – reading the Bible, journaling … on her own! What a blessing!!
TeriLynne @ Pleasing to You´s last blog post … This is my daughter.
AMEN SISTER!!! I am the self proclaimed poop checker in our family and I wouldn’t trade it for any corporate job in the world! LOL
Hugs.
Kim
Kim´s last blog post … What if Jesus had a blog!
Great post Sarah and encourages many many mums. I regularly have days of mess, fights, teaching and training my two. It is so worthwhile but understandable how we get bogged down in the routine of it all.
Collette xxx
COLLETTE ´s last blog post … Thankful Thursday!
Sarah,
This really spoke to me today. Today was a bad day for me, I have yelled at my son way too much lately. Thank you for reminding me that I am the one that needs to be in his corner, cheering him on. God gives us these precious gifts of life, and it is such a scary job sometimes, I just don’t want to screw it up! Thank you for helping gain some much needed perspective.
Candy´s last blog post … Hair or not to hair?
What about freak out pasta days? :) This was an encouragement to me! To trade this out for something else and to let others grow our children would be a great disappointment.
Marge´s last blog post … delusional seamstress
Sarah Mae,
I just was talking about the exact same thing yesterday!!! God is faithful to empower us to do that hard thing,…. I am banking all I got on it!
Hang in there…you don’t have to be perfect, just present. (Karyn Purvis : http://empoweredtoconnect.org/welcome-to-empowered-to-connect/)
Sandee´s last blog post … Baby Steps…
I’m so glad I found your site–you really gave me something to take a little breather and really reflect. The word “privilege” resonated within. . .I needed that
Oh Sarah……this post really touched my heart today. It’s what I needed to be reminded of. I have two small ones and sometimes I just want to scream right with them. I serve as a missionary overseas in Botswana and the past 6 months I’ve been in our home just being mommy. I miss getting out there and interacting with people and being involved in the Ministry. The Lord keeps reminding me that I am in a season right now, and that the most important ministry is to Andrew and Piper. Like you, there are days where I choose my battles and days where I get right on the floor and make a mess right with my toddler. And you know, those are the rewarding times too because it’s “fun with mommy”. Thank you for touching my heart today and reminding me that I am not alone in my season. Bless you!!!!
Sarah W´s last blog post … A whole lotta randomness….
I wouldn’t have it any other way either! It kind of drives me crazy when moms INSIST on their ME time. Oh I get me time but it is a result of the kids wanting to go do something with dad. I figure my ME time is coming when my son goes off to college, like his sister before him. :( & ;)
CJ´s last blog post … August TO DO LIST
We must be having the same sort of day. I woke up not feeling good, went back to bed to sleep in and woke up to my 3 year old feeling VERY good with all the crazy energy a 3 year old possesses. I had none, it was lost in lack of sleep from constantly being woken up from checking on my oh so nervous and whining dog that has just had puppies to make sure they were all okay, all night. And the day just seemed to start out as a speeding blur without me.
Well I flop on the sofa and let out a big frustrated sigh…..and my daughter looks at me and says ” Are you glad to be here??”
Gulp. My toes weren’t just stepped on they were crushed. “Yes actually, I am glad to be here. Indeed, I am glad to have the privilege to be here, even on the hard days. ”
Phew. It is good to know I’m not the only one who struggles. Your transparency and realness are uplifting.
Karina´s last blog post … Farm Fresh Double Coupons
I completely agree!
Muthering Heights´s last blog post … REAL Survivor
Thanks for this post! This is exactly what I needed today. Parenting is really the hardest thing I’ve ever done, being a mother is one of the hardest, hardest things I’ve ever done. Thanks for reminding me its okay for them to each shredded cheese right out of the bag on the kitchen floor and not to sweat the small stuff!! Lately I’ve been feeling stuck in a rut with them, I need some fresh ideas.
you are so right…so hard…so worth it.
Angela Nazworth´s last blog post … Video Thursday – Committed to Marriage #2
Were there apples on the floor too????
:)
Moms, do hard things!!!!!
Robin´s last blog post … They notice
What a wonderful message!
Karen´s last blog post … Will’beth Newborn Reborn Girl Outfit SWEET! NWT Sz 0
I’d love to post this on the front door to explain my thinking to others who I know don’t get it. My own post today started with “This parenting business is Hard.”
At the end I invite other moms to mention one of their “Good Mom moments” so they can take a bow. We do the hard stuff without recognition a lot; it’s good to know even just that other moms do understand. Nicely said.
You just described my life…and I completely agree with you! :)
Erin @ Closing Time´s last blog post … Learning in Progress
Robin – hehe…after I gave them the cheese I thought about the apples! I did give them applesauce with breakfast this morning! ;)
Thank you for this post. I plan to bookmark it for when I’m nearing a “freak out” day. And sometimes, you should stop and grab the camera, because one of my favorite pictures of my son is when he got into a box of cheerios while I was busy breastfeeding his sister, dumped them out on floor, and proceeded to eat them and make cheerio angels. We should be glad our floors are clean enough to eat from, right?
Oh, Amen AMEN! That’s fabulous – and fits my life perfectly too! I’m so glad I’m not the only mom who has shredded cheese ground into the floor… ;)
You are a great mom, Sarah Mae!!!
I’ve just started reading your blog….but oh! my! You seem to be reaching inside of me and pushing all the right buttons!! Thanks for this post. I liked it alot. Intentional parenting. Perfect!
Madonna´s last blog post … Great Friends Walk in the Park
Thanks for this post, this reminder. I just found your blog and am loving it! And I love the phrase you used: “choosing my children over myself.” I feel a bit like I’m at a crossroads or maybe just a transition with parenting our kids. This struck a chord with me and was a challenge, yet such a blessing to consider. So, thanks, for all of the openness and sweetness in your posts.
This put me in tears tonight, because I had one of those “freak out” days today and I can’t seem to shake it. I don’t want my kids to grow up thinking their mommy is crazy or can’t “get with it”. It seems the more I try to be selfless, the more selfish I become. :(
I want to get into the worlds of my children and live there with them for a while. Because it is so simple and so fun. And I’m with them the whole time.
They don’t care what we do – as long as I am doing it with them. *sniff*. Thank you Sarah Mae, for again touching my heart. ((hugs))
Christin´s last blog post … Feel Like a Fraud Today
This was just what I needed to hear tonight! I am in a post-vacation funk, made worse by plugged ears and dizziness. Today was one of those bickering, ballpoint-pen-on-the-ottoman, PB&J making and cleaning, argue with Mommy days at my house. Thanks for the reality check and encouragement. You’re right–it is the hardest job, but also the most wonderful. I will wake up with a fresh attitude in the morning, and will work to keep that focus throughout the day…even if my son calls me a silly old stinker again like he did today. =)
Emily B´s last blog post … Emily Flies Solo
hello… your post speaks my thoughts too… :) i just recently realized that INTENTIONAL parenting is what God has called me to do…
really loved your post!
chris´s last blog post … The Mommy Journey’s 1st Blogversary!
This is so true. Parenting is so much harder than I thought it would be. It challenges me on a daily basis as I also try to be intentional in raising my little ones. But it is so very worth it. The giving up of myself for my children doesn’t come easy, but I am blessed by seeing the small rewards of my efforts in their lives.
Monica @ DailyDwelling´s last blog post … Friday Favorites is Back
Thanks for this post! I am working on your 31 days to clean as well (a little late, I know… but I just found your blog). You have been such an encouragement to me!
Tammy´s last blog post … Liam, God’s Mighty Warrior
Thank you Sarah Mae! I’ve really been struggling with this lately & as always, God brought your post to me when I needed it most & could learn from it. Thank you!
Fabulous post! Well said Sarah Mae!!
Lisa @ Stop and Smell the Chocolates´s last blog post … Friends Are A Blessing
SISTAH! You are preachin’ to the choir here!
I love my “rolling with it” days and so do my girls. When my oldest says “Thank you for not being grumpy today” I cringe because my “gotta be in control” mommyness bears on the dictatorial… ugh!
Intentional vs. Freak-Out Controlling – an interesting concept I’m really chewing on after reading this.
Debbie´s last blog post … Time for Some Changes. And Coffee Girls!
I know you don’t mean anything by it, but please realize that because a parent works, that doesn’t mean our parenting isn’t intentional or that we don’t want the best for our children. Parenting is hard for working moms too, just in different ways sometimes.
Nurse Bee – I so appreciate your continued reading even though we share different views; it is so good that we can agree on Jesus Christ! :)
My thoughts are this, I know that working moms love their babes and are intentional, and many wonderful human beings come out of working families. However, I believe that with God’s Word as our standard (the whole of scripture supports a woman raising her own children and managing her household for the glory of God), if a woman *can* stay home to raise up her children, how can that not be the *best* choice? I understand many women would like to be home but financially cannot right now. I also know many women feel that they should work, or are supposed to. We’re all sisters in Christ, so that is the foundation…I just think that when a woman *chooses* to work she is giving away her beautiful and powerful influence to someone else…I also think she is missing a blessing.
Let’s keep the discussion open, friend! You are important to me!
I would also like to add that crummy human beings come from households where mommy stayed home as well. It really is all about capturing a child’s heart, and I am only in the process of learning all that now…
Capturing little hearts all day long…that’s my goal. :)
“intentional parenting” is exactly the term i was looking for. it’s definitely hard, and not always fun, and requires planning and vision and cleaning up…so there are days i forgo “intentional” and end up with “survival.” but intentional is the goal, and i’m glad you put it in writing.
I found you through someone’s twitter. Yes, yes, and yes on your post. I call those freak out days MBDs. Mental breakdown days. They happen. And I am in the process of writing a book called “Totally Desperate Mom.” I think it is going to take me forever because I am really an intentional Mom. Shoot, that could be the title. Oh the balancing act of being an intentional Mom and yet often feeling like the desperate, worn out Mom. But so, so, so worth it.
Yesterday my son asked me this poignant questions, “Mom what if someone cut your poop with scissors?” I am so glad I could be there to answer (or not) his wonderful, well thought out, important questions!!!
wendy hagen´s last blog post … Losing Baby Weight
Sarah~
I want to thank you for the stand on parenting you’ve made! I 100% agree with you and I’m not even married or have children. Parenting and being married is (still) a BIG dream to me as I wait on God. I just want you to know that I am praying that someday, what you just wrote will be me. I can’t wait to be a stay at home mom. It is a choice I have made and would love to fill. That is my ultimate dream job. A hard one, I can tell, but it is not with out it’s rewards! You are an inspiration to me.
Alyssa Rose´s last blog post … In Courage
Yes, yes it is hard. And there are days, sometimes it feels like many, when I don’t do it right. But on the days where I do put aside my work and my writing and the things I want to do, the day and the kids and myself are all better for it.
But that said, I know I need to set time aside for me also. To read a blog or write a story or just listen to my thoughts. And kids need time to just be kids, make a mess, explore, have time on their own. It’s just finding the right balance:-)
Carrie Anne´s last blog post … They scream for Ice-Cream
I miss the cheese-ground-into-the-carpet days. I even miss potty training. Toddlers were so much fun. Now we’ve moved into the teen years. I would love to go back and freak out less and hug more. Since I can’t do that, I grab all the hugs I can.
Carrie´s last blog post … Could there BE anything more fun than this?