A Weird Line To Walk
If we ever meet and you happen to be a working mom who believes differently than I do, please don’t avoid me.
Know that while I hold my convictions dearly and fervidly, I am not judging who you are. The truth is…
I think I’m worse than you.
And I judge myself harsher than I could possibly judge you.
So if I smile and hug you and laugh with you and enjoy you, it is not because I’m being fake, it’s because I, like you, am just human and want to be loved and accepted in grace.
I just thought you should know that.
And no, I’m not bi-polar, I’m just trying to figure out how to live.
If you ever figure out a way to tell people your convictions without them feeling judged, I would love to hear about it. I always feel that way, whether it is being a stay at home mom, living a simple debt free lifestyle, serving God etc.
I think that fact that you are willing to talk about it in a friendly way helps. (if people will listen of course)
You are such a beautiful soul! We all walk some type of line don't we?
Eccl. 3: 1-8 To everything there is a season, and
a time to every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and
a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, anda time to sow;
a time to keep silence, anda time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
a time of war; and a time of peace.
Right now is my time to work and I honor my husband and my God by working part time as they have asked me to, although I feel drawn to be home, I need to work to help pay off some poor choices.
No judgement felt. I think women judge themselves SO harshly that they believe all other women judge them in the same manner.
Totally understand. It's hard to talk about things we're passionate about without stepping on someone's toes.
Even my own mother, who was a working mom… I know at times I've probably hurt her feelings in my deep conviction about being a full time homemaker.
We have to be so careful to share what the Word says and let the Holy Spirit make specific applications in other women's lives! [although, don't we often think we know better...] :)
Revelation 3:15-17
I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked.
We are called to take a stand. Stand firm my friend!
Very simply, and well said. I know I step on toes all the time, without meaning to. I'm just so convinced by what God has laid out for his perfect plan for a family, it's hard not to be excited about it.
I understand what you mean. It happens a lot with my own mother. If I talk about how my husband and I would like to raise our children, or how we want our marriage to be, and it isn't exactly like she did it, then she takes offense. But I'm not judging how she does it, I am deciding how to live my life. We just came home for the first time in 2 years (we are military, and he was stationed overseas) and they still think I'm this strong willed leader, whereas now I prefer my husband to lead, so it's been interesting the comments we've heard!
I agree with the other poster though. We tend to judge ourselves so harshly that we are sure others are doing the same. But what we won't accept in ourselves we love others despite those traits.
I'm a working mom, and have never felt judged by you!
My job is a wonderful opportunity to serve the Lord… by serving his children who have disabilities. I believe that He called me to this purpose, many years ago. I often find myself conflicted: I feel called to do this, but also to raise my children. God has blessed me with opportunities to do both. I work for a school district, so I have a short-ish work day plus summers and holidays off with my children. I try to focus each day on enjoying each opportunity as God presents it.
I have NEVER felt that you would judge me because I work. And if we ever met, I would give you a big hug and enjoy you too!
We could totally do lunch. And laugh and talk and all that jazz. We probably could even share our beliefs without feeling the need to change each others minds.
Let me tell you a little about myself. I've been a working outside the home mother for my children's whole lives. And I chose to not worry about that as I was a single parent for 11 of those years and being a SAHM wasn't a choice. And before my divorce, I didn't feel "right", for lack of a better way to word it, about quitting my job. Which turned out to be the best as I was sole provider for my children for those many years. And now that I've remarried, I continue to work. Of course, my kids are grown and could be gone, but some aren't. And all of them frequent my home for this and that.
I also didn't breastfeed either of my biological children and I used disposable diapers. All of which can cause major outbreaks of holier than thou attitudes in the mommy wars.
BUT I know that I did the best I could with the circumstances I was presented with.
My home: I take the chief responsibility to make my home warm and inviting and a respite to all who enter. Of course, that doesn't mean I'm the only one who does anything around the house. It just means that I make sure that whatever needs to be done to fulfill the mission of my home is done by whomever does it.
My husband: That submitting thing is hard, taken at face value. But I have learned over the years that one of us needs to be in charge and make the final decisions on everything. One of us needs to have the tie breaking vote on decisions that need to be made for the family. And when I realized that and started backing down (alright, submitting!) a funny thing happened. My husband started backing down, too. And my choices started being the ones that were chosen. Because as soon as I became meek and gentle, so did he. One of those miracle things.
Sarah Mae, this posts melts my heart. I would stay home if we could figure out how to make it work. Prayer and God's leading are amazing tools that are simply beyond my daily awe.
Having a child when I was only 16 caused things to be outta whack (education timelines, finances, priorities). Coming into a marriage with children was a difficult situation. The financial hardship required that I continue to work. Now years later, I have learned from you and a few others what it meant, from a biblical perspective, to stay home and raise the children. I always wanted to do it because I thought it was an affluent thing. When I finally got my ducks in a row, God opened my eyes and amazed me with his plan.
It's wonderful that you've received a breath of fresh air. Figuring out how to live can be quite a journey. After almost 5 years of marriage, my husband is just reaching that point- awareness of life through Christ. It's true, like you mentioned on 8/5, "The biblical role of a wife submitting to her husband, even when her husband is annoying/wrong/visionless/etc" well, it certainly is fulfilling. I can attest. :)
PS- love the new layout! I hadn't been over to your new home without the blogspot in the title. You're official. YAY!!! ;)
Lots of love from Phoenix
Allie
i am really enjoying reading what you have to say lately… thanks for all you write to help encourage others… lets get together soon for some girl time so i can hear about how your weekend was! give me a buzz when your free!
Amanda
I so totally understand what you are saying Sarah Mae. You did not need the bi-polar disclaimer at the end!
You are doing very well at trying to get your point across in a loving and gentle way. I hope you are understood by all!
smooches,
Larie
You have such wonderful readers here. You are a gem, and they have such encouraging and loving comments!
We have very strong convictions for our family. These are *our* convictions. We own them, and I know others have felt judged by them. Kinda like with us following the Biblical holidays and Torah now – it is not a judging thing, and it doesn't mean that we expect everyone to do as we do. It is for you to do as you are led to do. Others seem to think we have lost our way and are relying on works (which is what all these other things we add to make us Believers are), when we rely fully on the salvation at the cross and believe Jesus-Yeshua is the Son of God. We are walking the line set before us, and we do share our experiences on this walk with others. But, it is our line to walk.
I think we all walk a line. I guess as long as the line leads us closer daily to who we were created to be by the Father and continues to move closer to him and his holiness, then I don't need to worry about your line, and you don't need to worry about mine.
May we all grow in the grace of the Messiah and may we all walk in the ways of the Father, whom Jesus continually pointed us to as THE LINE.
blessings to you as he shows you your line and gives you the courage and strength to walk in it!
(((HUGS)))
I think as a Christian it's important to remember that it's as easy to make a good and even godly thing turn into something regulatory and full of failure. Everyone knows the story of the fall of Jericho (Children of Israel pray, and God gives them a revelation: march around the city, blow trumpets, city walls fall, they conquer). So they go on to the next city, but this time they don't pray — they just say "this worked for the last city, so we'll do it for the next." And this time, because they didn't seek God's leading, they were routed and many killed.
Overall, and for most of us with young children, I think being a SAHM is best, if you are led by the Spirit and your husband to be that. But as a 100% prescription, minus that leading, it can take some women and families off track. This is where I think the phrase "in this season of our lives…" is useful to help others not feel judged, and yet still stand by your own convictions. Yes, children need that good and godly home life. But you never know how the Lord may be working in a woman's life outside the home. There's an inner peace I feel the more home-centered I am. But as that sense of peace changes, the path may change as well. All I can do is try to follow the Lord's leading today.
Hope I'm not moralizing… I have a difficult time not judging no matter what the topic!
Oh, friend. Which of us ISN'T trying to learn how to live? :) I'm a working mom, something I struggle with on a pretty darned regular basis. But I am still loving getting to know you. Because when it comes down to it, we are both women who love God and our families. The end.
I so appreciate your humility. It's beautiful. The truth is that we've all been leveled at the cross.
Well said… I totally get where you are coming from! I am also just trying to figure out how to live!
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Sarah Mae,
I could probably follow all your posts and simply comment with "I can relate". Seriously, we should do coffee some time. If you're ever in Eastern Europe, look me up (if you can handle Turkish coffee—yes, this is a dare. Heehee).
I appreciate your heart for Christ, your home, and for others. It is a fine line to walk (or straight and narrow, if you will), but it is so important.
I'd like to link your recent posts in my blog, if you don't mind.
Thanks Sarah-Mae for being honest… and articulating what I can't seem to express :)
Very well said! And I sure do hope I can see you someday and give you a big hug!
Anyone who dares state their convictions and beliefs is often called "judgmental" only because their convictions and beliefs stir something up in those who hear it.
Don't be so hard on yourself. The TRUTH is judgmental – and should you speak the TRUTH and your hearer call you judgmental – it is only a reaction to the TRUTH.
Sarah Mae, as long as I've followed you, I have never once read your words to be anything other than the TRUTH spoken in LOVE. I can't see into your heart, but I always read with the knowledge that you carefully select your choice of words and wish to present the love and grace of Jesus.
As working mother, I've always felt judged by stay at home moms. One church I went to I was one of the only working mothers who did not home school. I couldn't go to most of the functions and I didn't know what to say about homeschooling.
I don't know if I'm off kilter to what you're saying…
I would love you regardless because you're my sister in Christ!!